May

Greetings Beloveds. This month we are still in the energies of retrogrades, and this cycle has been particularly rough. Mercury is perhaps the planet we are most familiar with; we will thankfully get a break when it stations direct on Sunday. May has been all about diving deep and doing our inner work while surrendering and allowing whatever the out-picturing of our inner experience is. We have been with a bit of a frustration energy as one planet pulls us to go and do while another holds the resonance of roadblocks and delay. This is still with us for a few more weeks, so it’s important we surrender rather than using our energy to struggle.

What does ‘inner work’ mean exactly? It can mean many things and is totally dependent upon your own personal path. For some it will mean really committing to our daily practices, maybe deepening our listening, obedience and surrendering to what life is asking of us in every moment. For some it will be investigating what a daily practice is, what it could look like and how one could create space for such an engagement. For some it may be a deep dive into inquiry; noticing your inner state as you move through your day – noticing what triggers you, what brings up resistance, where you ‘leak’ energy, how you hold yourself (or don’t). Ask yourself what it is that’s causing you to experience a big reaction. Realize it is NEVER about the ‘stimulus’ in the phenomenal world, regardless of how hard we judge it or abhor it. (Donald Trump springs to mind.) It is ALWAYS about us; once we truly understand and embody this, we become entirely responsible for our lives. Responsible means we take ownership of the entirety of our experience and we no longer blame or hold others responsible for our state of being. You will know you are doing this when you hear yourself using languaging like, “She made me so mad…”. No one can ‘make’ us mad; we give them permission. We are capable of not giving permission, of maintaining our inner state regardless of what is going on around us. So we begin by noticing. And then through inquiry we trace the trigger and associated feelings back to its more primal root. And we can clear it there, so the trigger is lessened and in some cases completely negated. The more we do this, the more we free ourselves from unconscious reactive patterns and instead create space within which we can respond, which implies choice. When we create space in our experience, we give ourselves the opportunity to widen our view, to take in more or even the whole of the situation, and from that informed place, we can choose an appropriate and balanced response. Doesn’t that sound nice?

That may look like this: when my daughter says, “You don’t feed me”, my body literally flinches. It’s a big energy. My daughter likely feels this, which is why it has been one of her mantras since she was small; she knows it affects me. It used to be when she said it, I would tumble into a rabbit hole of “I’m a shitty mother, she’s right, I don’t feed her in a way that satisfies her, I’m a horrible cook, I am failing at my job, she doesn’t feel loved, I’m incapable of loving her properly, I am broken, I am worthless.” This was an old pattern, this “I am broken, I am worthless.” This was a pattern I picked up from both sides of my parental lineages and one that informed much of my life. As I remembered the truth of myself as a Divine Emanation of God – utterly Pure and Whole – I was able to see where this pattern came from and clear it, simply by knowing the Truth instead. Now when my daughter says “You don’t feed me” (as she did yesterday), my body still jumps a bit, and I simply notice it. Then I slow way down, breathe, pull myself as far back as I can manage and see how she is not feeling fed, what need is not being met. And I then I do my best to fulfill that need if I can. Oftentimes she just needs me to hold her in her un-fullfilled-ness. Her thought pattern of “You don’t feed me” has nothing to do with me; it is just a young person unconsciously trying to get her needs met. I used to let her thought pattern mean something about me. Now I know it only means something about her experience in any given moment.

This practice of noticing takes discipline and present moment awareness, particularly in our bodies. It is a somatic, embodied experience. Anything you do that connects you to your body (yoga) will support this practice. We are spiritual warriors on a path of enlightenment, living in these most jaw-droppingly amazing forms called the human body. And the body lives in the 3D world, so we get to live here in this dense and sometimes fucked up world. Like the Buddha that has his eyes half-closed, one foot on the earth, one foot in lotus position, we are spirit living in form. We cannot forget the form!! It has a shit-ton of information for us.

And speaking of f’d up, I want to say a word about the upcoming elections. Many of you have already heard me say this and I want to repeat it because I think it is crucially important. Who is running for president DOES NOT MATTER. Who wins the election DOES NOT MATTER. As awakened ones, it is our job to pull way back, to see things energetically, to hold and work from there. Donald Trump is simply the out-picturing of the dying gasp of the partiarchial paradigm. He is fulfilling his dharma, being this for us, because it’s what his soul has said Yes to. HE IS IN SERVICE TO US. He allows us to see it so clearly, in all its fear, hatred, ignorance and separation. It is the world that has passed. It is what we have moved beyond. If he gets elected (I personally don’t think he can), it is because we collectively want a further engagement with this energy as it fades. Hillary Clinton represents the new paradigm, simply because she is a woman. She is very much mired in the old world, however she brings feminine enrgy to the conversation, which is dearly needed for balance and integration of the new world that is becoming. If she is elected, YAY, we get to write into the Book of Life that we chose a WOMAN to lead us. Bernie Sanders is speaking truth in a manner we have never heard in a presidential election. I don’t think he is electible however he too is fulfilling his dharma simply by bringing truth into the conversation. So vote, breathe, realize it is already written and IT IS ALL TOTALLY AND REALLY, REALLY GOOD. Things are changing, movement is happening, the world is awakening <3

Small Rant

So my girl is a cheerleader and I just completed the 10-page release packet for the Athletic Department so that she can participate next year. This packet is a GIANT DEAL. She had to get a physical from her doctor as part of the clearance. When I asked the nurse to fill out the school's medical exam form, she insisted that they had their own and that it would have to be enough. When I pressed her, she explained it was a liability issue and she wouldn't do it. When I turned the forms in to be 'certified', the very nice lady who was helping me fretted that my doctor's form did not have the proper languaging. Ultimately I convinced her the language was similar legally, and that the school should be covered from lawsuits in the case of injury. Because of course that's all this is about - lawsuits.

So much of how our society functions is premised upon lawsuits. Someone got hurt, someone sued and won, so now we have to limit and restrict EVERYTHING to make sure no one gets hurt and if they do, that they can't sue. It touches so many aspects of our lives I don't think we even think about it anymore. And I'm personally really sick of it.

Years ago Geoffrey and I were in Rangiroa Tahiti, scuba diving. The french dive master separated us out from all the other divers, who were from all over the world. They would only let us go to 90 feet even though we had Deep Diver Certification and over 300 dives each at that point. When we pressed them why they were holding us to this ridiculous restriction, the dive master answered with two words: "Americans sue."

What has happened to personal responsibility? Personal discernment and accountability? If my daughter wants to be a cheerleader, wouldn't it be prudent of me to look at all the benefits and potential risks to her choice? If she falls out of a stunt and hurts herself, that's a risk we were willing to take for her to have all the benefits of that activity. It certainly would not be the school's 'fault' nor would I have an innate right to sue them for compensation for my choice. I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS.

If I fall in the supermarket, isn't that on me? Isn't that part of my own personal responsibility to be present, aware of my surroundings, noticing any danger and avoiding it? Why would that become the supermarket's responsibility? What if I fall in the middle of the desert? Does it become my responsibility then because no one owns the land where I fell?

And what about personal agreements? We used to have those: "I'll look out for and do right by you and you do the same for me, ok?" Now we live with the energy of "I will film you when you interact with me so that if you do anything 'wrong' to me, I have proof to sue you." Many doctors no longer allow live births to be filmed for this reason. What a sad loss. Accidents are no longer accepted; we no longer are allowed to make mistakes. If we make a mistake, we will have to pay for it. No wonder there is so much self-loathing in this country!

When I was in Jordan two years ago, our guide was telling us about the tribal system that is still in place there. He mentioned American lawsuits, how puzzling this was to him. I asked what happens in the case of a car accident. He replied that the two families involved get together over coffee, discuss what happened - which is mostly straightforward and clear because it is in their culture to take personal responsibility - and they come up with a fair solution. When I asked what a fair solution might look like, he answered "They might apologize and shake hands."

Indeed.