Clean

Sometimes I catch myself saying something in a moment when I have just enough perspective to hear it as though it was coming out of someone else's mouth. Oftentimes I am impressed and think "Wow, that woman is smart and well-spoken." And other times, like this most recent, I think "Oh God, that woman is completely nuts, as in, like, get a net." The viral videos with titles like 'Shit Yogis Say' and 'Shit Angelinos Say' really bring home how wildly stupid I must sound much of the time. There was one where I had uttered some form of every single thing they were parodying. And of course taken out of context, it sounds so much worse. But still.


Recently I have been saying things like "Chia seeds are SO amazing!" and "This protein shake is super yum!" or best yet "I can't wait to make kale juice for dinner." I'm changing right before my very eyes and some part of my mind/personality hasn't caught up yet and is actually mocking me as I progress. To explain, I am on Day 24 of a 21-day cleanse. I am doing it with a group of about 25 people, led by my husband. The group started the cleanse on March 8th and my husband being my husband, we had to start on the 5th, because, well, just because. The cleanse is based on Alejandro Junger's book 'Clean' and is a 21-day cleanse comprised of a shake for breakfast, clean protein like organic chicken or fish for lunch and a shake or juice for dinner, with plenty of healthy snacks in between. I have only done one cleanse prior to this - a seven day juice fast that was kind of excruciating after which I felt the best I ever have in my life. This cleanse is different in that there is actual food involved and in the beginning I had doubts that it would be as effective as a juice fast. However, I am starting to understand that eating for 24 days completely consciously from a list of purely whole foods is changing absolutely everything about my interaction with food. I am finally being forced to investigate things I have always known about yet hid from - like fermentation and sprouting seeds. And making my own nut milks. Now I am happily integrating foods I have been trying to ignore for years - like chia seeds, goji berries, hemp seeds, raw cacao, bee pollen, Brewers Yeast and the like. I have seen these things in the aisles of Whole Foods Market for years and occasionally picked them up to read the packaging. There are never any instructions, like what it's for or how to use it so I left them for the super healthy eaters, the vegans and the self-sprouters. Sometimes I would get inspired and buy one, vowing to investigate and integrate it into my diet. It would invariably wind up  in the very back of the pantry shelf, mocking me each time I happened upon it and finally I would throw it away to put myself out of misery. Now, faced with a fairly sparse list of foods I can eat, I am taking the time to figure this out. And truth be told - these foods are actually really, really awesome.

My morning shake is absolutely brilliant because it is fast and portable - and I can load that thing with an unbelievable amount of nutrition. Along with raw protein powder, I add bee pollen, which energizes me while calming my nervous system and promotes cell regeneration, as well as aloe juice for alkalizing the body. And healthy fats like walnut oil which help to balance out hormones and reduce symptoms of peri-menopause. As for chia seeds and goji berries - there isn't enough time in the day to list all their benefits. Same goes for garlic. As a snack in the evening, I put super thinly sliced garlic between two apple slices. Yum! (Not really, however the benefits of garlic could fill a small volume and then some.) Another major change I am integrating is cooking for myself at lunch. I am a grab-what-you-can type of lunch eater, and quite often I would forget all about lunch until running out the door to get my daughter at school. And my lunch became whatever was left in her lunch box. Yum! (Not really.) Now I am actually planning ahead and cooking my lunch - and sitting down to enjoy it all by myself, without reading a book or cruising the Internet while eating. Just me and myself, lunching, with gratitude. Eating like this feels like self-love and is really satisfying.

Why are you doing a cleanse, you ask? It's true - I have been on the healthy-eater end of the spectrum since college. I took a nutrition class in college - one class - and it woke me up to the fact that oh, we eat because our bodies need specific nutrients in order to operate. Up until then, I had no connection to this fact. I ate because I was hungry. I ate whatever was available that tasted good. I never really thought about what I ate. Since college, I grab an apple for a snack, do my best to eat vegetables whenever possible and eat protein at least once a day. This sustained me with a fairly high level of health for many years. When the whole Organic thing hit, I bought organic fruits and vegetables here and there although not always because the prices took my breath away. When my daughter was born, my focus turned to her and I realized that if she had eaten well during the day, I felt great, regardless of how I had eaten. And more and more I was eating on the go, giving my attention to her needs over my own as was necessary. As a result I developed a habit of living off her leftovers for breakfast, like the crusts from her toast and lunch sandwiches. Lunch as I said meant her left-overs and the rare occasions when she actually ate her lunch meant I skipped altogether. (And of course those days only happened when I was really, really hungry.) In between, I would supplement with various bars and juices.


And then in my 40's it began to catch up with me. I had no energy, my hormones started swinging, I developed polyps on my thyroid and the good health I had taken for granted started slipping away. I began working with a homeopath and I remember day-dreaming on my way to my first testing session with her - how she would say things like "Wow, you are in really great shape for your age! Just a tweak here and there and you are good to go!" And "We actually need to study you because you are essentially defying all laws of aging!" After all, I was one of the healthiest people I knew - ate well, exercised regularly, got 8 hours of sleep and only moderately indulged my vices. And of course, Anna the homeopath said the exact opposite. My adrenals and gallbladder were shot, my kidneys and immune system were struggling, I was seriously deficient in almost all vitamins, most notably D's and B's. She prescribed about 15 different tinctures and supplements to take every day, sometimes twice per day. I was shocked. It was a serious wake-up call. Since last September when I started this new regimen, I have felt better and better. I sleep more deeply than I ever have. I wake up rested, clear, energetic. I remember things. My skin looks bright. My hair shines. The polyps are shrinking. When next I visit my endocrinologist, she will say "My gosh! We really need to study you - you are defying all laws of...."


And then the Cleanse, which has kicked me up into the next level of awareness around food. I have a friend whose entire family is raw vegan and grow the bulk of their own food. I leave her house exhausted from just watching all the work she does to eat. That isn't me - I don't have the time or inclination to invest most of my day into what my family eats. I do however get to give up a lot of the convenience of 'healthy' packaged foods and quick fixes like warming things up in the microwave. I have been sticking my head in the sand around microwaves for ten-plus years. I did not want to know that the microwave radiation actually kills the nutrition in the food. NOOOOO!!! It's soooo conveeeenient.....Recently I had dinner with my husbands family at my sister-in-law's house and when I protested that I didn't want my daughter's healthy take-out food warmed in the microwave, they actually got angry with me. I get it - they don't want to know either. Knowing means changing. And change can be a bitch.


So, I'm changing. I can no longer look at a piece of cheese without knowing that it will cause inflammation and mucus in my body. Non-organic fruits and vegetables are absolutely loaded with so many tiny, invisible toxins that I'm better off not eating them at all. And wheat. Beloved Wheat. Not my friend. And so, in one scenario, I become that a-hole in the restaurant who can't really eat anything from the menu and winds up with a plate of lettuce and an avocado, who carries her own food around, who makes her family and friends angry with her lifestyle choices. Or I get really, really creative and figure out how to be in the world, how to eat at friends' homes and in restaurants in a way that works. I haven't figured that part out yet - when I do, I'll let you know...