So I'm reading this book that I got in 1998 during my wedding weekend. We were staying in a suite at the Aerie Resort in Malahat, British Columbia and in it's fabulousness, the room had a lending library, as in take a book, leave a book. I took a small spiritual book that was waaaay over my head. I carried that book with me on our honeymoon, through Rome and Nairobi to the plains of Kenya and Tanzania, to the island of Zanzibar then back to Italy and finally home. I opened it several times during that trip and each time was rebuffed - it was vastly out of my league. I could barely read a paragraph. I put the book on my shelf and forgot about it. Fifteen years passed and one day about three months ago I was looking for a book of poetry on a high shelf and came across it. I recognized it immediately. It screamed - loudly - READ ME NOW! I am nothing if not obedient to internal screaming, especially if it is coming from my gut. The book really wanted to convince me it was our time to dance, so it threw in 'code' words within the first two chapters - words I had only recently learned or researched, concepts I had recently worked with and integrated, obscure spiritual traditions I have been studying for the past year - stuff like that. Each time a familiar reference came up, I was like "Book, I got it, we're simpatico, you don't have to convince me. I'm all in.
I believe you."
I read the book through in about a month. It's still pretty dense and would often put me to sleep when I hit overload. I couldn't take a lot of it in although I knew it was being fully received on deeper levels of my being. I dreamt of it's cover, it's concepts, it's truths. And when I was done, I began studying it in earnest; every morning before meditation I would read over the parts I had highlighted. And when I was done with that, I began reading the book again from the beginning. This time I am getting it, every word. And it's opening something in me, boundless and immutable. Something I have always known and yet could not see.
Since college, a huge component of my 'becoming' has been through books, teachers and practices. I have always found the next engagement through a totally organic process of following my nose. It is the one place I have consistently listened and been obedient to. I follow my intuition and subtle feeling, no matter how strange they may seem to my surface mind. I have had a sneaking suspicion of the perfection of the journey, feeling that somehow it was supremely orchestrated through all of these strange passageways and tunnels - even the dead ends were brilliant pieces of the puzzle. For the past nine years, beginning really when we moved to Malibu into the pyramid house, I have been simply speechless regarding the intelligence that is leading me. It has an astoundingly intricate construction, its margins imperceptible. This book is possibly it's most stunning manifestation to date. I picked it up at the exact perfect moment in my trajectory - I have absolutely primed myself to receive the truth it presents. It feels like the crowing moment on this particular area of exploration - this area being the pursuit of leading a wholly authentic life, able to fully inhabit each moment free of past conditioning or forward-looking projections. To be wholly pure with the moment, to exist in its stillness with it -
as it - so that I can experience it entirely and respond creatively.
Why our emotional bodies get so gunked up in the first place is all about safety. Rather than experience a moment fully, our brains try to make sense of it by finding some pattern it falls into. We define it and box it up based on what we know
from a previous experience. Once the pattern is identified, we 'understand' the situation and react accordingly. The only problem is, this process keeps us from seeing or being in the actual situation. Oh my gosh, for real, we miss most of what goes on right in front of our faces. It is said that when Spanish galleon ships arrived off the coast of the New World, the indigenous peoples could not see them. They literally
could not see the ships because they had never seen anything even remotely like it before. Their brains had no way to process the information. Once the Spaniards came to shore in smaller canoes, the natives could see them as they had a 'program' that defined canoe. The more awake I become, the more I see how we ignore so much of what happens in any given moment. We literally don't or won't see what we can't be with - what we don't have a program for. We do this to remain safely with the confines of patterns, which are predictable. I can no longer live in the realm of predictable. All that I have been up to is allowing me to step out of this confinement.
It is my understanding that our emotional bodies carry remnants of many lifetimes within their genetic structure. We come into this life with our history trailing out behind us. Some call this karma. We can chose to live out our entire lives within the construct of this emotional body - it has it's own consciousness, it will carry us through. When we create through our emotional consciousness, we will weave the same stories energetically lifetime after lifetime. The plots and characters may change and the underlying energetic at work will remain the same. We can work and work (and work and work) to 'repay our karma' , to overcome these patterns, but unless we understand the mechanism of the emotional body, we will largely work in vain. This is why so many find it so hard to exact actual, lasting change in their lives. The first step of releasing old patterns is understanding that they exist. This takes an incredible amount of clarity, compassion and courage - so that we can see ourselves fully, see all that we've been, and allow it to be without judgment. When we judge ourselves, we are simply re-catching ourselves up in the emotional body. Nothing moves in the face of judgment; by it's very definition, it is absolute and holds us in place. When we can allow all that we have and have not been to simply be, to embrace all of ourselves with unconditional love, we can begin to see past lives. We can begin to see our patterning and simply seeing is the largest part of letting it go.
How do we hold ourselves in unconditional love? Through the understanding of Oneness, which is the spiritual truth of this and all planes - that we are all simply unique emanations of a
single source. There is only one thing happening in all realities - that One Divine Intelligence called God, Yahweh, Allah, Jehovah - moved Itself from the infinite void, as light, to experience Itself in a new way. All Consciousness, all B
eingness, is God, knowing Itself further with each breath, each choice, each life. All souls come for the experience of it, to further their own knowing of life and embodiment so that the mind of God is expanded. This is the expansion of the Universe, the tiny part of the puzzle explained by science. Being embodied is like going to Disneyland; some go for the easy rides, to just enjoy the scenery, the food and/or the people. Some go for the rides that scare the crap out of them, because being scared is FUN on some level. Some go to lose their wallets and their way. All experiences, all paths are equally valid. It's
all God. There is no 'more' God in say Nelson Mandela and 'less' in Bernie Madoff.
It's all God. God knowing Itself as struggle, suffering and ultimately overcoming that struggle to lead a nation (and the world) to a greater understanding of freedom and liberation. God knowing itself as greed and dishonesty and stealing, allowing that part of the puzzle to be illuminated. There is no light without darkness. We are light and we are shadow. We get to pick which part of us to bring to light in any given moment. Life doesn't judge one over the other.
It's all God. We, in our most limited form, are the only judges. When we can look at ourselves from the knowing that every lifetime was on purpose, chosen by us, for our learning, to expand the mind of God through each experience, we can accept ourselves in our entirety. Accept and embrace the places in us that are light and shadow. The more we can see in this manner, the more is revealed to us. The more revealed, the more we can release old lifetimes and thereby old patterns. The more released, the more we can tap into any part of creation we want to, and create from that place. From pure desire, to manifest something new, something never seen before. To expand the mind of God in a wholly new way. That's why I'm here...
Over the past eight years, I have studied and practiced a wide range of seemingly unrelated modalities and wisdom traditions. I have studied diligently with Rev. Kate Rodger and the Institute of Modern Wisdom's mystery school of the Modern Day Priestess Training. I have been practicing a healing technology that unwinds energetic patterning in the emotional body, which helps to free us from habitual responses. I have studied kabbalah and the wisdom of the Huna (the ancient spiritual tradition of Polynesia/Hawaii), I have studied Oneness and Theta Healing. I have been sitting in stillness listening to my own knowing. And so, thanks to the study of Huna, I understand how things get stuck in the subconscious mind and emotional body, how the 'aka' of pure potentialities gets constricted so that energy or 'mana' cannot flow through. Through my practice of Soul Remembering, I can unwind these sticky patterns energetically. Through my study of Theta Healing, I can further clear the emotional body through healing the biomorphic field - instantly. Through meditation and various other practices, I have learned how to cultivate and be with stillness. Through my knowing of Oneness, I have found absolute safety within myself. I am safe, eternally so, through my connection to Source.
Through healing my emotional body, I can create vast amounts of space in that particular energetic field, which in it's purest form is a creative field. From this spaciousness (and with my courage in tact) I can simply BE in the face of any experience, wholly present, pure, engaging no patterns. Allowing the experience itself to be the only source of information of any kind. THIS IS AN AMAZING IMPOSSIBLE TO DESCRIBE FEELING. I feel like I am seeing the world for the first time, with new eyes in every moment.
If you were to pick up the book I speak of and read it, it is unlikely you would receive this same teaching. The book does not actually mention any of what I'm saying. It is just unifying the picture for me, dropping in the singular piece that compliments what I have already integrated, like the key to the lock in the hidden door. And as I step over the threshold of this door, what do I see? Well, perhaps an empty room I can dance around in for a while - and beyond that, more doors. An infinite number of doors. It's all just an amusement park ride after all, and I have designed it specficly and purposefully.
Apparently I like the challenge of locked doors and hidden keys. Someday I will realize I am the locksmith.
