Ok, there is SO MUCH happening right now I hardly know where to start. The energies are all over the place (and so is this newsletter).
As always, I begin with my own experience because that is where it's most real for me. The planetary energies continue to have an overarching theme of the hidden becoming known, largely in ourselves and in relationship with our closest beloveds. I will share that my daughter's one year and eight month relationship ended suddenly and it opened a Pandora's box of goodies. I mean, WOW. A brief note about her experience, she was devastated for about three days and then she picked herself up and largely moved on. When the sadness circles back around as it does when she sees him with his new girlfriend, she deals. And then she moves on again. I am agog at her emotional deftness (at 15).
And what it opened up for me is surprisingly wide. First, it gave me the experience of witnessing someone hurting my kid right in front of me and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I remember when Nikki was about one, at a birthday party, sitting in a tiny sand box with a little boy. He grabbed a handful of sand and threw it straight in her face. She sputtered and gasped; sand was in her eyes, nose and mouth. I swooped her up and headed for the bathroom; I had to use all my strength to contain myself because what I really wanted to do was go pound that kid. I had to talk myself through what was an unbelievable amount of energy running through me. MAMA BEAR, straight up. (This was also the moment I realized that I could not protect my girl from the world because I was sitting right there and she still got hurt.)
And so this break-up thing happened and I got to be with my girl as she navigated flat-out grief. And nothing I could say or do could take it away. And as I struggled to be with the pain in her eyes and watch as circumstances amplified it again and again, I learned a lot about her and me. First, she's fierce as fuck. She has preternatural emotional intelligence, in the body of an almost sixteen year old girl who hasn't yet learned to control her impulses. It's eerie. Second, she's got herself handled. She can take care of herself. She doesn't need me or anyone to process or usher her through anything, heinous or otherwise. She's stronger than I am. And she knows how to make mistakes and recover from them. I get to sit back, handle my own shit, and simply watch, even when I know the choice she's making in that moment is not in her 'best' interest. (And let's not forget that 'worst' is sometimes 'best' in disguise.) Also, she got her driving permit about a week after the break-up and she's a crazy good driver. Apparently those years of living at the top of a mountain in Malibu, driving hours up and down that lunatic road every day seeped into her blood because she already knew how to drive. And driving has opened up a whole new level of maturity and responsibility in her and it's incredibly gratifying to witness. I can see the future her, the grown-up, and she's breath-taking.
As for me, so much. First, I still had some releasing to do around a similar break-up (out of the blue) I had right out of college. It knocked me on my ass (I was engaged to be married, newly in the Bay Area where I knew exactly one person, and he had just left me for another woman.) I've done a lot of work around that and yet here it was front and center, sitting right on my chest whenever I tried to sleep. Or breathe. I literally would wake in the night in physical pain, clutching my chest and would have to remind myself that my boyfriend did not just break up with me. It was intense and made more so by how surprising it was. So I did my work, cleared the next layer of grief around that break-up of thirty years ago so that I could be fully present to what was happening right here in 2016. (As an aside, in the cosmic knowing that time/space is an illusion and that everything is actually happening right now, it's not at all surprising that this energy was triggered. My body is however participating with the time/space thing so it was like WTF.) As I watched my girl navigate her experience, I noticed how often I wanted to step away from the pain of witnessing. And I didn't. I leaned in closer, stayed right with it, allowed it to be. And that shit was UNCOMFORTABLE. What I discovered in the discomfort was that I am kinda co-dependent with my girl, taking responsibility for her happiness; I was bummed that her boyfriend left her because for twenty months, he was responsible for her happiness - and now it was back on me. Except, oh right, SHE'S RESPONSIBLE FOR HER OWN HAPPINESS. Got it. This was huge as it let me release her, for real. She is her own universe, fully functional (and killing it.) Her life is her own. She does not belong to me. I can trust her with her own life, she's safe.
Second, I discovered that apparently, "When She Starts Driving" was a hidden switch in me that meant "She's Growing Up and Leaving Me." (Notice the co-dependent dove-tail.) I went into a bit of a tail-spin of 'Oh fuck, she's leaving'. And who am I going to be then? Because for almost sixteen years, when asked what I do, the answer's been "I'm a stay-at-home mom". What happens after that?? I was in this energetic trench for more than a week, just kind of keeping my head above water and walking around with the mantra of "Oh Fuck." And I stayed present with it, leaned in as it got even more uncomfortable, until I finally remembered: there are about a bazillion things I want to do when she goes off to college. Two bazillion even. And when I started remembering my options and dreaming of others, the energy instantly receded. I'm going to be just fine when she goes. And so is she.
Unbelievable gifts from a teenage break-up, WHO KNEW?!
As for us collectively, we have begun a new cycle energetically, marked by the Fall Equinox and for me personally with the Jewish High Holy Days. Through the fall we 'harvest' the gifts of the year, separating the wheat/jewels from the chaff/what wants to be discarded. We take stock of the year from a place of magnanimous neutrality; we own our wins and losses, integrating and incorporating the lessons/uplevelings and releasing the detritus of the creation/destruction cycle. Most of us aren't very good at the releasing part and yet it is crucial if we are to create anew from a place of Clarity. The seasons assist us in the Creation Cycle: Winter is a time of turning deeply inward, where we dream of the coming year, where we plant the seeds of what we will create for our lives in the next turning of the wheel. We nourish those seeds throughout the winter, checking in with our dreams, refining them, energizing them as only we know how. And then Spring arrives and we begin the outward movement of fruition. We prepare the ground, we nourish the soil, we do the work in the 3D. We take the steps we planned out in Winter. And the first buds appear. We water them, we listen to the vision of our dreams and we follow it by doing whatever it asks of us. We weave it into every choice - does this action serve my vision for my life? Throughout Spring our dreams grow and grow; by Summer they are in full bloom. We celebrate and partake in the rich abundance of fruition. We amplify what worked. And in fall we begin the separating and gratitude cycle. (Although Gratitude is a program we can run all year, as it's like rocket fuel for our dreams.) We are meant to complete the cycle in the late fall by de-constructing it; we are meant to release the waste to make way for the new. When we do this consciously, we become very effective creators.
The planetary energies of this fall will assist us in the destruction and releasing process, particularly with the masculine/feminine relationships that structure our world. Through the rise of the 'She Who Must Be Obeyed' version of the Divine Feminine, we must first stand in the face of what the feminine experience has been for millennia. (We are being afforded this experience in a very visceral way with our current presidential election.) We have accepted it, suffered for it, looked away, subverted it, made it okay. No more. We can no longer look away. We must allow the discomfort to reveal the path forward. (And the good news is our girls are already on that path, so the future is already brighter.) We must make it right for ourselves. No more bowing to what is not respectable. We must usher the masculine into a balanced, right relationship with the feminine. We will not do this by crushing the masculine; we will do this by being the living example of honoring both for truly our deepest wholeness lies in that balance. We no longer need to 'become men' to lead; we can be the fullness of the (unimaginable) power of the feminine without diminishing the power of the masculine. And we must create new structures of relationship that embody this.
First though, we have a shit-ton of individual and collective anger to release, so let's get to that. One of the best ways I know to release anger is this three minute meditation: (unfortunately you have to cut and paste)
https://youtu.be/tR7-RE7DFQQ (this one has an extended explanation of the kriya)
or
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXcdctEHdRA (this one gets to the point quite quickly).
This kriya flat out WORKS. I wish we taught it to kids in school.
So, release, release and release some more. Allow yourself to stand quietly in discomfort, lean in, listen. Discomfort has a lot to say if you allow it. Take a look at your relationship with yourself and your beloveds with regards to feminine/masculine. What does the Divine Feminine mean to you? Divine Masculine? Can you investigate and own the fullness of the feminine principle? Do you understand that the masculine has subverted the feminine for millennia because they are afraid of its outrageous power? Are you willing to discover and hold your own power - and wield it wisely?
As you embark on this path (and you must, life is demanding it) know that you are not alone. This is our collective path, all of humanity is responsible for our ascension to the next level of human possibility and interaction. We are the pilgrims and the pioneers, on the cusp of this very brand new age that is only now taking shape. We signed up for this, our souls are here on purpose for this specifically. Let's turn our attention away from the circus that is the dying patriarchal paradigm and concentrate on our unimaginably bright future...
You up for that?
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