May

Greetings Beloveds. This month we are still in the energies of retrogrades, and this cycle has been particularly rough. Mercury is perhaps the planet we are most familiar with; we will thankfully get a break when it stations direct on Sunday. May has been all about diving deep and doing our inner work while surrendering and allowing whatever the out-picturing of our inner experience is. We have been with a bit of a frustration energy as one planet pulls us to go and do while another holds the resonance of roadblocks and delay. This is still with us for a few more weeks, so it’s important we surrender rather than using our energy to struggle.

What does ‘inner work’ mean exactly? It can mean many things and is totally dependent upon your own personal path. For some it will mean really committing to our daily practices, maybe deepening our listening, obedience and surrendering to what life is asking of us in every moment. For some it will be investigating what a daily practice is, what it could look like and how one could create space for such an engagement. For some it may be a deep dive into inquiry; noticing your inner state as you move through your day – noticing what triggers you, what brings up resistance, where you ‘leak’ energy, how you hold yourself (or don’t). Ask yourself what it is that’s causing you to experience a big reaction. Realize it is NEVER about the ‘stimulus’ in the phenomenal world, regardless of how hard we judge it or abhor it. (Donald Trump springs to mind.) It is ALWAYS about us; once we truly understand and embody this, we become entirely responsible for our lives. Responsible means we take ownership of the entirety of our experience and we no longer blame or hold others responsible for our state of being. You will know you are doing this when you hear yourself using languaging like, “She made me so mad…”. No one can ‘make’ us mad; we give them permission. We are capable of not giving permission, of maintaining our inner state regardless of what is going on around us. So we begin by noticing. And then through inquiry we trace the trigger and associated feelings back to its more primal root. And we can clear it there, so the trigger is lessened and in some cases completely negated. The more we do this, the more we free ourselves from unconscious reactive patterns and instead create space within which we can respond, which implies choice. When we create space in our experience, we give ourselves the opportunity to widen our view, to take in more or even the whole of the situation, and from that informed place, we can choose an appropriate and balanced response. Doesn’t that sound nice?

That may look like this: when my daughter says, “You don’t feed me”, my body literally flinches. It’s a big energy. My daughter likely feels this, which is why it has been one of her mantras since she was small; she knows it affects me. It used to be when she said it, I would tumble into a rabbit hole of “I’m a shitty mother, she’s right, I don’t feed her in a way that satisfies her, I’m a horrible cook, I am failing at my job, she doesn’t feel loved, I’m incapable of loving her properly, I am broken, I am worthless.” This was an old pattern, this “I am broken, I am worthless.” This was a pattern I picked up from both sides of my parental lineages and one that informed much of my life. As I remembered the truth of myself as a Divine Emanation of God – utterly Pure and Whole – I was able to see where this pattern came from and clear it, simply by knowing the Truth instead. Now when my daughter says “You don’t feed me” (as she did yesterday), my body still jumps a bit, and I simply notice it. Then I slow way down, breathe, pull myself as far back as I can manage and see how she is not feeling fed, what need is not being met. And I then I do my best to fulfill that need if I can. Oftentimes she just needs me to hold her in her un-fullfilled-ness. Her thought pattern of “You don’t feed me” has nothing to do with me; it is just a young person unconsciously trying to get her needs met. I used to let her thought pattern mean something about me. Now I know it only means something about her experience in any given moment.

This practice of noticing takes discipline and present moment awareness, particularly in our bodies. It is a somatic, embodied experience. Anything you do that connects you to your body (yoga) will support this practice. We are spiritual warriors on a path of enlightenment, living in these most jaw-droppingly amazing forms called the human body. And the body lives in the 3D world, so we get to live here in this dense and sometimes fucked up world. Like the Buddha that has his eyes half-closed, one foot on the earth, one foot in lotus position, we are spirit living in form. We cannot forget the form!! It has a shit-ton of information for us.

And speaking of f’d up, I want to say a word about the upcoming elections. Many of you have already heard me say this and I want to repeat it because I think it is crucially important. Who is running for president DOES NOT MATTER. Who wins the election DOES NOT MATTER. As awakened ones, it is our job to pull way back, to see things energetically, to hold and work from there. Donald Trump is simply the out-picturing of the dying gasp of the partiarchial paradigm. He is fulfilling his dharma, being this for us, because it’s what his soul has said Yes to. HE IS IN SERVICE TO US. He allows us to see it so clearly, in all its fear, hatred, ignorance and separation. It is the world that has passed. It is what we have moved beyond. If he gets elected (I personally don’t think he can), it is because we collectively want a further engagement with this energy as it fades. Hillary Clinton represents the new paradigm, simply because she is a woman. She is very much mired in the old world, however she brings feminine enrgy to the conversation, which is dearly needed for balance and integration of the new world that is becoming. If she is elected, YAY, we get to write into the Book of Life that we chose a WOMAN to lead us. Bernie Sanders is speaking truth in a manner we have never heard in a presidential election. I don’t think he is electible however he too is fulfilling his dharma simply by bringing truth into the conversation. So vote, breathe, realize it is already written and IT IS ALL TOTALLY AND REALLY, REALLY GOOD. Things are changing, movement is happening, the world is awakening <3

Small Rant

So my girl is a cheerleader and I just completed the 10-page release packet for the Athletic Department so that she can participate next year. This packet is a GIANT DEAL. She had to get a physical from her doctor as part of the clearance. When I asked the nurse to fill out the school's medical exam form, she insisted that they had their own and that it would have to be enough. When I pressed her, she explained it was a liability issue and she wouldn't do it. When I turned the forms in to be 'certified', the very nice lady who was helping me fretted that my doctor's form did not have the proper languaging. Ultimately I convinced her the language was similar legally, and that the school should be covered from lawsuits in the case of injury. Because of course that's all this is about - lawsuits.

So much of how our society functions is premised upon lawsuits. Someone got hurt, someone sued and won, so now we have to limit and restrict EVERYTHING to make sure no one gets hurt and if they do, that they can't sue. It touches so many aspects of our lives I don't think we even think about it anymore. And I'm personally really sick of it.

Years ago Geoffrey and I were in Rangiroa Tahiti, scuba diving. The french dive master separated us out from all the other divers, who were from all over the world. They would only let us go to 90 feet even though we had Deep Diver Certification and over 300 dives each at that point. When we pressed them why they were holding us to this ridiculous restriction, the dive master answered with two words: "Americans sue."

What has happened to personal responsibility? Personal discernment and accountability? If my daughter wants to be a cheerleader, wouldn't it be prudent of me to look at all the benefits and potential risks to her choice? If she falls out of a stunt and hurts herself, that's a risk we were willing to take for her to have all the benefits of that activity. It certainly would not be the school's 'fault' nor would I have an innate right to sue them for compensation for my choice. I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS.

If I fall in the supermarket, isn't that on me? Isn't that part of my own personal responsibility to be present, aware of my surroundings, noticing any danger and avoiding it? Why would that become the supermarket's responsibility? What if I fall in the middle of the desert? Does it become my responsibility then because no one owns the land where I fell?

And what about personal agreements? We used to have those: "I'll look out for and do right by you and you do the same for me, ok?" Now we live with the energy of "I will film you when you interact with me so that if you do anything 'wrong' to me, I have proof to sue you." Many doctors no longer allow live births to be filmed for this reason. What a sad loss. Accidents are no longer accepted; we no longer are allowed to make mistakes. If we make a mistake, we will have to pay for it. No wonder there is so much self-loathing in this country!

When I was in Jordan two years ago, our guide was telling us about the tribal system that is still in place there. He mentioned American lawsuits, how puzzling this was to him. I asked what happens in the case of a car accident. He replied that the two families involved get together over coffee, discuss what happened - which is mostly straightforward and clear because it is in their culture to take personal responsibility - and they come up with a fair solution. When I asked what a fair solution might look like, he answered "They might apologize and shake hands."

Indeed.

Cauldron

Beloveds!
Whew. The name of the game is currently  R E T R O G R A D E.  There are four planets in retrograde at this writing and a fifth to follow next week. Lots of inner work ya’ll! I love the geometry of this; as we came out of the Equinox and Eclipse energies, blown open in a sense, we have the opportunity to go deep within to examine the debris. Jupiter, the planet of abundance and expansion has been retrograde since January, leaving us without our usual MO’s and crutches. This forces us to find our true support system within ourselves, one that is based on Oneness and structured in the heart. Saturn, the great teacher, turned retrograde in March, taking our lessons into the inner realms where we are our own teacher. We get to practice how to be both teacher and student through deep listening to our soul’s higher voice and being obedient to it in the 3D world. (This is the only context wherein I can stomach the word ‘obedience’ – where we are being obedient to the directives of our heart and soul. Often times these can be at crossed purposes with our mind and ego so yes, obedience is called for.) And the biggest story for me personally, Mars turned retrograde at the beginning of April. Mars is our walk in the world, who we are, what we do, how we do it. Mars brings a lot of intensity, often in the form of anger and aggression. When in retrograde, we get a good hard look at who we are and how we’re showing up in the world. And finally, Mercury, ruler of the mind, goes retrograde at the end of April. This allows us a good deep look at our thought forms and patterns. YAY.

So that’s a lot. If we aren’t ‘working’ the retrogrades, they will likely be working us, ie we won’t be having much fun. This will continue until the end of June, so may as well dive in and get as much inner work done as we can, because our outer work (what is going on in our 3D world) will be filled with delays and false starts and the like. Best to lay low and do the inside stuff. How to do that? For starters, study Oneness. Spend time in the investigation of the idea that everything – E V E R Y T H I N G – is the same thing, all emanating from the same Source, and if you could pull all the way back up and off of it, you would see only One thing. One Creation. One Being - an all pervasive Unified Field of Consciousness. You know when you look at an image of Earth from space and it is so obviously a singular thing, this planet? And the thought of borders and countries and divisions seems silly because look at it – it is a single unified system. It operates as ONE THING. It is not and cannot be divided in any way. And if you pulled out farther you would see the solar system the same way, a unified field of movement and matter, all connected, one thing. And even farther out, galaxies, all one system, until you were ‘all the way’ out and you could see the symmetry and perfection of this singular system of creation and being and non-creation and non-being. And then if you dove towards earth and could see all the features and creatures housed here, you could see they were all the same thing, projected emanations from the same Source, impossible to separate them one from the other (at a quantum level), and then even further down into the body of a tree, how it is connected to the ground and the roots of other trees and other systems, how our bodies are the same. THERE IS NO SEPARATION. This is why the very thought of ourselves as separate beings and individuals is an illusion; however, that is an entire other post. I digress.

If you spend time with this idea of Oneness, perhaps you are meditating on it and praying about it, asking whatever you call God or Great Spirit to teach you all about it. And maybe you are looking for evidence of Oneness all around you in your daily life; it’s everywhere yo, because it’s for real. Google it. Study up. Get blown ;) Because once you get it, everything about your life will change. Absolutely everything. And back to my original point, you will know that your Source, your Home, Safe Place and Super Power is YOU. Your body, your heart, your soul are all intimately and infinitely connected to THE Source, from which you can access anything and everything. So you can let go of your MO’s and your systems of ‘getting by’ and your ideas of lack and you can f’ing ROCK THIS LIFE INSTEAD. (I told you Mars was hitting me hard.)

Next, (yeah I’m not done), you can follow the bread crumbs into the thought form that everything is perfect. The One Being, the Singular Source is inherent Perfection. It simply is. Everything that is operates within and from the principle of Perfection. Even in the densest density of this 3D world, Perfection weaves itself through every human, every animal, every sentient thing, every rock, river, mountain top, cloud, and weather pattern that has ever been or will be. It’s also in every dust heap, slum and shit hole in existence. We just need to look harder to see it there. So we train ourselves to find the underlying thread of God’s Perfection in ourselves, in everyone and everything. The more we see it, the stronger it is, so the more can we see it. Get that?

So this means your life (and every life) is in its entirety, from start to finish, perfect. Every decision, action, and thought form are inherently perfect, are exactly the perfect thing at the perfect time for your evolutionary journey. It cannot be any other way. (Except in alternate realities, where it is another way, and again, that’s a whole other post.) You are like a river carving a bed through a canyon. Some areas are easy, some take a lot more energy to get through, sometimes the water may go into an area and become stranded or enclosed so that it has to make its way back out, to find a more efficient route. The river is not making mistakes, it is simply finding its way. There are no mistakes. It’s all EXACTLY RIGHT. So you can stop wasting your energy and time on regret and second guessing. See if you can feel the breathtaking symmetry of your very existence; operate from this knowing, honor yourself entirely. Train yourself to listen to your heart (this will reduce suffering) and get on with it.

Anyway, those two – Oneness and Perfection – are a great start. The good news is that they are literally what you are made of so you won’t have to look very far to ‘find’ them. Investigate, dig deep and report back. Or not. Suffering is always an option…

Living Lightly in Darkness

     In my last post I spoke about attending to those actions/thought forms/feelings that add to us energetically, to recognize what those are and do more of them (as opposed to the actions/thought forms/feelings that deplete us energetically) so that we can stay in 'positive territory.' By staying in positive territory, I do not mean avoiding negative/harsh/hard experiences. We cannot avoid these things obviously - we live in a polarity reality. By staying in positive territory, I mean keep your energy up so that when the shit hits the fan as it is wont to do, you have enough energy to be with it, allow it, hold it for yourself and anyone else involved without tipping into negative thinking. When we tip into negative thinking, we are operating from the density, from the darker end of the spectrum, so that fear, doubt, anger, etc. will likely be influencing our state of being. This is where we react in anger, do or say things we later regret and/or have to apologize for. And ultimately we likely will have to revisit the issue because our reaction did not allow process or completion. We increase the density of the situation by our own dense reaction.

When we have enough energy in our energy 'bank' (because we've building energy in our own fields by doing those things that increase us), we can hold dense experiences with more equanimity. We can take a breath, expand our viewpoint waaaaaaaay out so that we can see maybe even ALL aspects of the situation with clarity. Then we can chose right action, we can respond rather than react. We can move through the experience, processing it and receiving any information or wisdom it's offering us. (And truly every single moment of our lives offers something.) Now we're rocking our experiences instead of being rocked by them.

That may look like this: my daughter gets into the car after school and immediately starts screaming at me. She knows me almost better than I know myself (she has been intently studying me for 15 years) so she knows exactly where each and every button is. She hits 'em all. If I am low on energy, I react and yell back, to defend myself, to deflect my feelings of shame, embarrassment or whatever else may come up (she's good, she knows where those hide), or I may try to flip it back onto her so I don't have to be with those hard feelings. Either way we both end up in a darker place.

Or, if I have enough energy, when she begins yelling, I begin breathing deeply, I look her in the eye so that she knows she's being heard, and I become calmer and calmer. When she's done, I may repeat what I heard her say. And then offer some empathy, compassion or whatever the situation calls for in that moment. Then I might wait a bit and when she's calm, I might ask her how her day was, because obviously it was tough if she needed to off-load it in that way. And then she tells me about some heinous high-school shit that went down, I empathize and hold the space while she works it out in her own being, and then we're done. And later I can look at the words she screamed and see if any of it is mine to own, or all hers. Now I'm rocking my experience and hers.

Suggestions for things that add to us energetically that we can do daily: meditation, yoga, working out, hiking/being in Nature, being in water, eating foods that are really good for us, connecting with self, family and friends, service of any kind, conscious breathing, massage/body work, studying with a master or teacher (or reading their teachings), journaling, creating something, engaging in hobbies, etc. etc. etc.

So lastly, I repeat, by using the terms 'positive' and 'negative', I am not making a judgement about experiences. These are actually neutral terms when it comes to energy. Think of a magnet; one end has a positive charge and one end has a negative charge. The ocean has negatively charged ions which balance out our positively charged ions which is why we feel so good after being in or near water. In Oneness, all emotions, experiences, people, choices are equal; they all have value well beyond our understanding. There is no guy in the sky looking down saying "That's good and that other is bad." Only we do that. Only we judge. And we have the free will to stop judging. Judging is a deeply engrained habit, tightly woven into the fabric of human society and psychology. And yet, there's us, there's our free will. The Piscean Age was all about judgement, and we've (VERY) recently stepped out of that epoch. Now we're tiptoeing into the Aquarian Age, where judgment has no value because it's a non-reality. I see this new reality already dawning in the teenagers of today - they call each other out for judging all the time. I can't even tell you how that increases my energy ;)

So that's it, that's my spiel. Have at it <3

A Polarity Of Energy

I have been pondering the nature of reality for who knows how long now. And the more I do, the simpler things become...

There is a tribe in Africa that has this practice: when a tribal member does something harmful, they circle around him and spend two days telling him how good he is, reminding him of all his acts of goodness. Instead of punishing him for his dark choice (which would only serve to make him darker), they bombard him with his own light that he has forgotten about. They enlighten him, so that he can make better choices from a more empowered place.

There is no such thing as morality. This is something we as humans created in an attempt to try to understand why people often do the wrong thing. (And to try to force them to do the 'right' thing but that's a whole other post.) There is only energy, and in this reality, a polarity of energy. On one side, a density, like gravity, that is dark, devoid of light, devoid of all aspects of light. On the other is light, made up of pure love, peace, forgiveness, joy, compassion, understanding, generosity, etc. In every moment we are faced with choices large and small. What determines our choices? How much energy we have. Do we have enough energy to supersede the density and pick the en-light-ened choice, that adds to us even more energy? For love, peace, gratitude, bliss, etc. increase us energetically. The more we choose them, the more we have the ability to continue choosing them. This is the concept the 12-step program is essentially built upon, which is why it works. If we do not have enough energy to supersede the density, we will choose from the dark end of the spectrum where judgement, fear, doubt, anger, hatred and the like reside. And these drain us of energy, so we will likely continue choosing them from sheer depletion.

How to supersede the dark end of the spectrum? Be conscious of your energy ‘bank’. As parents, we see this concept in our children all the time. If they get too tired, too hungry, they fall apart. They become too depleted to hold themselves together. We are the same albeit on a larger scale. We must always be watching which activities/thought forms/emotions, etc. deplete us and which add to us. Do more of the things that add to you, so that you can always be in positive territory. And the more you do this, the easier it is to give up the depleting things, for they no longer feel good. You don’t even have to try – they just fall away. Simple. (So get to it.)

And the next time you see someone making a choice (or living their entire lives) from the dark end of the polarity, see if you can view them through the eyes of compassion, as a person just like you, only with less energy. Perhaps they have had fewer opportunities to build their energy and maybe they don't even know they are energy. So they get buffeted by the density of this world, and fall into low energetic eddies that continually feed them dark choices. By your knowing the truth of them - that like you, they are eternal beings of light, unbesmirched emanations of God; by your holding this conscious awareness of them, you increase them. You actually add to them so that maybe their very next choice is brighter. Simply by your knowing you infuse light.

I know and hold each and every one of you as pure light, pure love, pure joy. May all beings know peace and happiness in this lifetime.

Saturnian Stew

Greetings Beloveds! This month finds me in deep conversation with Saturn, and the crux of the interaction is SURRENDER. Saturn is our great teacher, the bringer of lessons, and we must eventually pass the course, even if we have to take it over and over again. Saturn will always vary the lesson plan, using anything and everything at its disposal to get its point across. And its point to me right now is essentially “GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER.” I have always been two different people internally; one is the Aries Ram, highly organized and motivated, climbing that hill come hell or high water, (somewhat) blindly charging towards what I want. The other is the artist, who eschews schedules and habits and patterns. That one prefers a more free-form life of following my nose, fluidly moving with whatever captures my attention in the moment. I have been living in this artistic state for quite a while now, and Saturn would like me to come back to center. This means becoming more diligent in attending to (and following through on) all those mundane tasks that ‘bore’ me, like filing. I’ve been resisting this teaching for close to a year now and Saturn is just not having it. And so I’ve surrendered and put myself on a schedule with regards to routine tasks. (Gag). And I feel better, because the unfinished business is starting to nag me less.

Awakening to the deeper truth of myself does not mean that my life is all sunshine and roses. No life is; this reality is not created like that. There is destruction and decay and chaos here in 3^rd dimensional Earth. Knowing the deeper truth of myself allows me to see more clearly what life is asking of me and to bring the fullness of myself to that task. My personality isn’t always on board, which can sometimes cause a delay between what I know needs to be done and actually doing it. Saturn is teaching me that the gap only causes suffering. The quicker I respond to what I know needs attending to, the less I suffer. Sounds easy right? Yogi Bhajan has a quote that helps me with this: “When the time is on you, start and the pressure will be off.” So I don’t have to do a years’ worth of filing today. I can do 15 minutes a day; the trick is to start. Often I find what prevents me from starting are all the conversations I have around the thing, like ‘it’s boring, there’s 1000 other things I’d rather be doing, why do I get so much mail anyway, why does there have to be so much paperwork in life, there are just too many details to attend to, my husband doesn’t like me anymore because the office is messy….” You get the gist. My thinking is HEAVY. These thoughts create non-realities that muck it up and make it a burden, rather than simple filing. So Saturn would like me to watch my thoughts really carefully, to notice how and when I create non-realities, then believe them as truth and ultimately suffer for them.

There is a Zen saying, “Chop wood, carry water.” I wrote this on the wall of my frame shop workroom twenty years ago and it’s still teaching me. Tom Barrett (interluderetreat.com) says of this teaching:

“Work. What does the word mean to you? Is it something to be avoided? Is it a means to an end? Is it the only appropriate focus of your attention and energy? Is it a way to avoid the rest of your life? Is it a joy? Is it a part of  your spiritual practice?
When you labor, stay awake. Notice the frame of mind you bring to your work. Do you approach your work as if it were a nuisance? Do you remove your consciousness from work so that you are filled with resentment or worry?  What would you need to do to be more fully present in your work?

Practice mindfulness in work. It does little good to attain clarity of mind on your meditation cushion if you lose it as soon as you become active. Start with simple activities like brushing your teeth, ironing clothes, or washing dishes. Be fully alert as you move. Notice the position of your body in space. Notice the feelings in your body as you move. Pay attention to the thoughts that enter your mind when you do the task. See if you can let them go and just focus on the work itself.

If you are cleaning a countertop, feel the sponge in your hand. Feel the wetness. Feel the texture. Observe how the sponge moves in your hand from the sink to the counter. Sense your movements as you scrub. What do your eyes see? What do you hear as you work? Clean that countertop as if it were the most important thing you could do. Move with fluid motions. Waste no energy. Allow yourself the grace of economy of motion. Be grateful for the countertop, the sponge, the water, the soap. Be grateful for the hand, the arm, the whole body that can move a sponge. Be thankful for the floor you stand on and the roof that protects you. Without letting your mind wander too far, be grateful for all the circumstances that put you where you are at that moment with that sponge and that water and that countertop.

When we open awareness to the tasks in our lives they become lighter. When we are able to be in the moment, we no longer feel compelled to watch the clock. Whatever your work might be, bring all of yourself to it. When you are fully present, you may find that your labor is no longer a burden. Wood is chopped. Water is carried. Life happens.”

And so I’ve recommitted to doing my work before play, to live from my organized self, and to generally rock this ‘taking care of business’ business.

So Saturn can go sit on someone else’s nerve ;)

(Photo from Nasa's Cassini Orbiter).

Taking The Lid Off

This morning I was speaking with my sister on the phone and she mentioned she remembers almost nothing of her youth. This is because our childhood was rough from the start and we largely suppressed it. Beginning when we were little tiny beings (inutereo in my case) we experienced big, heavy energies, and we had no tools or support to process those experiences, so we buried them, like stuffing feather pillows into a basket and putting the lid on it. This is what happens when we humans are faced with experiences/emotions that are too big for us to hold; we stuff it down into the depths of ourselves so we don't have to be with it. Problem is, those unexperienced emotions don't go anywhere; they remain with us, designing our reality and essentially making us sick, either physically, emotionally or both. When we stuff our emotions into a basket, we prevent them from moving, so they fester like an infected wound. You know how when your cat gets an abscess and you have to keep the wound constantly open so that it can heal from the inside out? Exactly the same. We must heal ourselves from the inside out.

As an adult who has done a lot of practices to build up my nervous system so that I can hold heavy energies, I have learned that the only way to allow this miasma of unexpressed emotion to leave my body is to take the lid off that basket. The experiences I've stuffed down don't necessarily need to be processed or understood as I have already integrated the knowing of how my childhood formed me. Now the suppressed emotions simply need me to be present with them, so that they can be expressed, so that they can move through, like a storm. E-motions. They move, which is simply what they are - energies that moves. We make emotions so much more than that by believing them as true and then reacting and/or building up huge belief systems around them. If we could be cleanly present in the moment, we would see it is just energy moving; if we can allow ourselves to feel them and then let them move through, we would be much freer and happier.

So how do we take the lid off? First, we must get our nervous system in good shape by any number of practices - yoga, breath, meditation, presence, gratitude, fill-in-the-blank-with-whatever-works-for-you. For me, this has been all of the former, along with time in Nature, mantra and studying ancient wisdom practices and writings. These bring a sense of calm clarity to all of my bodies as well as my mind. We must tonify our nervous systems first because our bodies will not allow us to be with what we cannot hold. As my subtle body became more and more adept at bearing the weight of heavier and heavier energies, I began tuning in with my inner child. I know, this is the part where you roll your eyes and check out. So trite, inner child. And trite for a reason because it's real and true. When wee ones experience trauma and simply stuff it and never somatically revisit it, a part of them becomes stuck right there. So I tuned in with my inner child by first bringing myself into a meditative state, and then I began feeling/visualizing myself as a young girl - as a 'separate' entity - and eventually she was present with me. I found her curled up in a fetal position, unable to even look at me. I had to coax her to come sit with me, where ultimately she felt safe enough (I finally trust myself) to climb into my arms - and we broke open together. That was the beginning. Over many months, I revisited her again and again, and before my eyes she grew older, and my memories returned and I let the pain of my childhood go. I still revisit her as a practice and she brings a lot of information and energy to my emotional body. She's also really good friends with my puppy :)

My sister has asthma and is fully aware that it is her childhood pain, held in her body. She has done a lot of work intellectually understanding and releasing her childhood. As she begins this deep dive into somatic work, I can hardly wait to applaud her freedom.

Blessings to you all upon your journey <3