MUST. TAKE. THE MEDICINE.

Greetings Beloveds! Happy New Year, Happy New Decade, Happy New Life (almost). At this point you likely don’t need me to point out that the energy is insane right now. This is precisely the time I’ve been talking about all these years, when shit gets really real. Everything we’ve been pretending not to know is up in our faces, full blast. Everything we’ve tried to ignore has set up camp at the the end of our bed and it’s not moving until we address it. It’s like our own personal Occupy Movement. All the ways we check out no longer work, and in fact checking out makes everything seem even more pressurized if that’s possible. And concurrently, we’ve moved through one of the most intense eclipse portals of our lifetime to date. The portal technically ‘ends’ tomorrow with the New Moon in Aquarius however we will feel the effects in a very real way for at least six months.



This eclipse energy flattened me entirely. I knew it was hitting almost exact to my north/south nodes so I was expecting intensity – but holy moly!! I felt it for several days prior as a kind of gathering illness; within 15 minutes of the actual eclipse point on Christmas night, I felt such a compressive heaviness in my chest, I immediately went to bed; I didn’t get up for eight days. And even now, four weeks later, I’m only starting to regain my energy. This time, while challenging, has actually been an astoundingly beautiful recalibration, and for me it’s been all about healing the Mother Line, the generational trauma and wounding that winds itself – literally through the DNA – into every aspect of our lives. We are being called to connect to our tap root, where our lineage rises up from the soil, where the ground of our being resides. Many of us – particularly in the United States – are no longer connected to our ancestral lands, if we even know where those are. I was told my whole life that I was half Mexican but my DNA tells a different story. The more I connect in energetically to the lands of my ancestors, the more I can feel them, and the more I can feel my elemental self. So many of us experience ourselves through the lens of this single lifetime, made up of the stories we carry, our experiences, our accomplishments or failures. That’s only the tip of the iceburg – who we truly are lies below the surface, in the vast root system that includes every single ancestor in both our matrilineal and patrilineal lines. These lineages are connected deep into the Earth’s core, because we essentially rose up as a species out of the Earth. This year we are invited to return to the ground of our being, to experience ourselves from that unfathomable fullness, so that we can remember that we belong to the Earth. She is our Mother who births and feeds us from her body. We are called to return to the sweet embrace of our Mother who is everywhere, for our benefit and hers. We have been lost in the wilderness of forgetting for long enough. Time to come in from the cold and warm ourselves at the hearth (heart) center of our sweet Mother, who has never turned away from us, not even for a moment.



2020 will continue to reveal the hidden rot at the heart of many of our revered structures (think Major League Baseball) and in our relationships, so that they can be transformed by the light of truth. It’s going to be intense for the duration. It is absolutely crucial that we take good care of ourselves so that we can weather the changes without being pulled under. It’s heavy, ya’ll. It’s work. We need to be spiritual athletes now – dedicated to training, as well as recovery. Go easy, take it as it comes – and surrender, surrender, SURRENDER. Fighting the tide is absolutely pointless and will only deplete us further. Understand that this year is a Medicine Year beyond comprehension. We must take the medicine, and it will heal us.

I AM NEAR CONSTANTLY GOB-SMACKED

Hello my Beautiful Beloveds!! All I can really say is WOW! What a time to be in a body on Planet Earth! And personally, in my body at this time, as a major cycle ends and a new one begins. There is too much going on in the astro to explain well so I’m going to talk about it in terms of my own experience because my life appears to be unfolding in perfect alignment with the broader currents. This should no longer surprise me because, duh, and yet I am near constantly gob-smacked, marveling at the symmetry.



So. We’ve been with a lot this year. There has been the all-pervading energy of many planets in retrograde, meeting up with each other in challenging aspects that kind of force us to look at the underside of everything, both in our own lives and in the collective evolutionary arc. We’ve had the opportunity to really see how things are, to pull the blinders off for good and declare our willingness to be with what is. And fortunately (or not), 'being with what is’ is our singular option now. During the age of Pisces, which we’ve just come out of, we could build elaborate structures of illusion that kept us safely ensconced in a bubble of how we wished things were. Bubble life is over for the foreseeable future. Our work now is stretching and conditioning ourselves first to hold what is, and then to facilitate reality for the highest good of all. And we’re being called to do this during a time of great chaos on our planet, when the ones who are unable to accept what is are fighting to maintain the old ways - which is frankly nuts because the old ways are already dead energetically. What we’re seeing is merely a ghost of the past, the imprint left behind by our collective illusions. What illusions? That the feminine is less than the masculine. That we need to work very hard and follow all the rules so that we may be gifted with a life whose value has been dictated by those with the most power and the biggest microphone. That we need ‘help’ accessing the Divine Consciousness within us. We have been systematically shorn of our own innate knowing, but that’s over now. And what an awesome gift and responsibility, to have our eyes wide open, to understand that we must architect the new way, free from illusion. The young ones coming in now are aware of this awesome power and responsibility, which is why so many of them are beset with anxiety and a tendency to check out via _______. As awakened women, as mothers and aunties and sisters and grandmothers, it is our job to hold the container for this new world that is birthing. We do this within ourselves first. Our inner work is the container.



For me, I have spent the year in a type of life review with regards to my daughter Nikki. As she finished her last year of high school and took on more and more responsibility for her own life, a natural process began within me of revisiting all the places we’ve been energetically, all the selves we’ve expressed, all the growing we did together. The denser side of this process called me into judgement and regret and I categorically refused to engage there. Oneness has taught me how all is perfect, how this life is for us, how there is always an opening into a higher octave of experience and expression. And so this review became a joyful celebration of all that has been, the magic and wonder, sweetness and love and also the anger, overwhelm, confusion, and disappointment. All are part of what is. For now. There was an image that kept appearing in my mind, of concrete, once wet, now solidifying, as though the past was being set in stone. I did not engage with this either. The past is never set in stone – because there are an infinite number of perspectives through which we can revisit what has gone before, and every single one of them is ‘true’. As I evolve as a human and mother and become more facile with engaging with multiple perspectives, I will likely revisit her childhood many more times, with a broader and broader view and ability to hold more of what is. Isn’t that wonderful?!



This review process wrapped up for me at the end of July and began for Nikki literally the following week. She began seeking out old videos and photos, and asking us questions about memories she has. A few weeks ago, she was laying on the couch on her phone and I asked her to unpack her suitcase from Hawaii – which had sat in her room untouched for a week. When she resisted, I pressed her that unpacking was likely more important than whatever feed she was scrolling on her phone. She replied that she was engaged in a ‘very important life review’ that was necessary and absolutely the best use of her time right then. Alrighty!! By the time we took her to Chapman last week, we had all moved past the profound cycle that was her childhood. We had completed that segment of our relationship. We still had to go through the physical steps of packing her up, taking her to school and participating in the two-day extravaganza that Chapman puts on for parents and incoming freshman. It was brutal for all of us, because energetically we were already past it - but the physical reality had to catch up. We were all so relieved when Wednesday night came and we could leave, tipping into the place we already were in the unseen, where we have ‘handed her off’ to herself, and she has joyfully received her life as her own. I don’t really have words for how good that feels, but I can say I actually felt the shift happen in real time. After a very drawn out candle ceremony goodbye, (where she layed in my lap for an hour while I held her and let the huge energies move through as silent, steady tears), she left us, weaving her way alone through a huge crowd, back to her dorm, into her new life. Geoffrey and I literally fled, away from the campus toward our car. As soon as we were out of the collective energy of the other parents and kids and their goodbyes (WHICH WAS SO GIGANTIC I CAN’T EVEN TELL YOU), on the sidewalk outside of campus, I felt the cycle complete, felt the arc become a circle, and a profound weight lifted from my chest. My heart felt as light as I have ever felt it, and it remains so today.



And so we move into the next cycle of relationship with this wonderful woman who is our daughter. We are feeling our way into it as it’s brand new. I am constantly reminding the mother that I was that she no longer is on active duty. She gets to relax now, so that the mother I am becoming finds her footing and voice. So that I can see my daughter with new eyes and relate to  the grown-up her, the one who – for the most part – is capable of parenting herself. This is allowing a whole new sense of mutual respect, admiration and support, as well as a deeper aspect of friendship and love. And now I get to look to my own life with new eyes, my days untethered from the active routine of mothering. So much goodness and possibility! What a gift!



Getting back to the astrology, this is exactly what we’ve been with – using the retrogrades to see, understand and lay the past to rest, so that we can with new eyes move into the future. So that we can know that in the midst of the hardest parts, when life is extra (as it is now on Earth), we have the ability to feel it all, hold it all, allow it to move, evolve and reveal - and then release. We have the ability to facilitate our experience with Grace, Stillness and Peace. And we support this ability by doing those practices which build these qualities in us. September will bring the blessed relief of forward movement, rebirth, and fresh air. The remainder of the year supports us in clearing ourselves of old viewpoints, patterns, ways of being, and stepping boldly into the unknown. We can do this. Because we’ve got ourselves. And that’s more than enough.

WE MAY NOT GIVE INTO FEAR

High Summer Blessings Loved Ones. What a time to be embodied on planet Earth!! WOW!! These are the times the ancients warned of, the astrologers watched and waited for, and I - in turn - have been squawking about for some years now. This is the time that necessitated our daily practices, so that we may hold the center in the storm. And the storm, well it’s just getting started…

Ok. So. Let’s start where we are, today. Today is a partial lunar eclipse at the full moon, not visible in the Northern Hemisphere. Happening at 2:38pm PST. Yesterday I posted a video all about it on Instagram and Facebook. If you don’t follow or even have an account, no problem, it’s all public and I believe accessible even without an account. Loads of good info there. I made the videos because it’s easier than writing it all out. I also posted a second video on FB by one of my mentors which is tremendously helpful. Check that out if you’re looking for in-depth eclipse mojo – it’s well worth your time. And not to worry, this eclipse is huge and happening on a deep collective level, so whether you are ‘working’ it or not is irrelevant. You are receiving simply because you are here in a body. No need to stress about ‘missing’ it.

The gist of this eclipse season aligns perfectly with the overall energies of these times. Necessary Destruction. Chaos. Uncertainty. Change. Karmic debts being collected and cleared. Needing to address the past in order to make room for a new future, different from what we’ve ever created before. We’re in unknown territory now, no maps, blueprints or breadcrumbs. The only thing we can rely on moving forward is our own intuition, heart wisdom and level of connection – to one another and to Divine Consciousness. Which is why we need to (already) have practices in place that align us to these ON A DAILY BASIS, even if it’s a single conscious breath. We no longer have the dubious luxury of tuning out, numbing out, burying our heads in the sand and ignoring. Saturn is going to knock us upside our heads, pull our noggins out of the sand (or out of our asses) and wipe our face in the mess we’re trying to ignore.

So what are we trying to ignore? Well, largely the death of the old ways; and we humans don’t like the thought of death because we forgot a long long time ago that death is just another portal. So we like to think we have some kind of control by closing our hands energetically around the ‘good’ in order to hold onto it. This action creates a kink in the cosmic flow and kind of concretizes us into staid and uniform structures and systems that offer us the illusion of safety and stability. Creation – as us – is meant to flow, to wax and wane, to surge and recede. To have periods of great change and upheaval and periods of relative quiet. We are meant to evolve here, to explore and experience, to push the boundaries, to change, to change our minds. We are not meant to subscribe to a fixed set of thought forms for our entire lives. We are built to constantly create new reality. And so our human destiny is catching up to us. Our old systems are crumbling under the weight of the illusions that created them. Our sense of self, largely built upon the illusions of our parents and their parents and their parents (and so on) is disintegrating because it was never true. Our values aren’t holding up for the same reasons. Everywhere we look, the ground is (in some cases literally) falling away. And that’s really scary shit if you aren’t yet tuned in to the cosmic eternal truth of who and what you are. And so there is going to be all kind of ugly shenanigans playing out during this time. We’re already seeing this on a global scale. We cannot, must not look away. (We don’t really have an option anyway because see above). We must follow, we must bear witness so that we can hold space for the mess, so that we can ground the really nasty parts (in service to humanity) and know where to laser direct our prayers. We get to be the touchstones that others look to for medicine and remedy. Perhaps the ones we serve just need to be in the presence of actual peace for a moment. Maybe they need to see unconditional love reflected to them -possibly for the first time ever - in our eyes. Whatever it is, that’s what we’re here for. We aren’t here to fix them. We’re here to reflect their highest selves back to them. Their own innate wisdom will be activated to create their path forward.

For us, we can know that the old ways are already dead. We’re dealing with the ghostly remnants. We can keep our hands and our hearts open and watch the emerging world with wonder. I personally am in awe of the disintegration of sexuality along prescribed lines. I have always known in my body that we are everything, that love is entirely unconcerned with ‘gender’; it is absolutely stunning to watch that play out in the ones coming in who experience their sexuality so fluidly. (Their exploration of the higher octaves of Love fills me to overflowing.)  We can keep ourselves grounded to the planet, for it shares our collective journey and is also in a time of great transition. We can be the conduit of connection to Source, living our lives through the eternal principles that mirror the attributes of Divine Consciousness – Absolute Love, the Beauty Way, Integrity, Compassion, Unity, Peace. We can let the Joy that is present in such profound streams now overtake us, allowing us to embody Joy for all to share. We can be obedient to the work of growing our nervous systems to hold the higher frequencies, so that they may be grounded here on Earth. We must know ourselves profoundly – how we operate, how to serve our channel, what we need to sustain vitality and health so that we may finish our work here on the Earth plane. We may not give into fear. We must be impeccable in our knowing, in our thoughts, words and actions. That said, we are being drawn into entirely new mini-paradigms that we have likely never ventured into before. Our touchstones there are Integrity and Impeccability; these two have served me particularly well through the floods and firestorms of 2019 and I will certainly keep them handy for 2020. ( I’m talking about Integrity and Impeccability that operate outside of Judgement here.) This energy will peak in 2020 and begin to wane in 2021, with noticeable shifts by 2023.

Going forward, lean into every support option you have. Mine are Kundalini yoga, mantra (BIG TIME), meditation, acupuncture and herbs, chiropractic, massage, hydro therapy, crystals, NATURE. THE COSMOS. I have many people I lean into for leadership in all of these areas. Find your light brigade. Lean in. Breathe. Shore up your boundaries. Keep your eye on the astro – it’s not a map so much as a mirror. It can offer clues as to what’s actually happening. When you find yourself wildy uncomfortable, stop. Notice what wants be felt, released or integrated. Bow to the alter of your own being and becoming, every day, all day. Live here, regardless of what you are doing in the phenomenal world. All of us, all of us, are counting on your greatness.

WE HOLD THIS POSE

Spring Greetings my Beloveds. I hope this finds you celebrating the new growth, beauty and promise of abundance that Spring brings. Here on Westlake Island, the roses are blooming as big as my face, in colors so saturated, cameras can’t record them. Amazing what a long drink of water (after years of drought) does for flowering plants, WOW!!

We have moved out of Aries season and into Taurus. Aries is the first sign, the top of the wheel, the thrust into form after the dream-state of Pisces. Aries is the energy of spring; it takes an abundance of force to break through the ground, from dark earth to pure sunlight. When the seed of our ever-evolving self is ‘underground’, it’s gathering energy for the coming thrust as well as dreaming the future by infusing the seed with desire; that desire literally tells the seed how to bloom and what to bloom into. In Taurus, the newly emerged plant grows deep roots. As it’s reaching upwards, it’s also reaching downwards, stabilizing itself for a sustainable bloom. In Taurus, the dream gets grounded for the long haul.

We’ve long known that this time on planet Earth would be a time of great upheaval, as we took the collective concepts, structures and thought forms of the Patriarchy (deeply nurtured by the lower aspects of the Piscean era) to their enth degree, playing it out as far as it could possibly go. For me, electing a US President who is so blatantly and unapologetically misogynist and racist/white supremist is a pure demonstration of this. No more words needed on that. And as this last wave of the Patriarchy reveals itself (in plain sight now, for we are in the era of transparency thanks in part to technology), so also is the Feminine wave gathering strength and momentum. The Feminine wave is not at all about feminine versus masculine. The Feminine wave is about all humans reclaiming an understanding and relationship with our feminine natures. The Feminine is inclusive, non-hierarchical, holistic, creative, emotive, passionate, compassionate, loving, real, grounded, holy, sacred. We have not been living in a world where this energy was welcomed or celebrated. We’ve been living in an era where women (and men) were killed in horrible ways for daring to embody the Divine Feminine, for expressing the immovable strength and boundless depth inherent in the Feminine. The Feminine needed to be suppressed so that the Patriarchy could arise. And clearly we all dreamed it into being collectively, for the lessons it brought, in service to God’s evolution. And so we’ve been living – and adapting – to a masculine-driven world in every sense of the word. Recently I saw a snippet of footage that reminded me of something I would have seen in science class as a kid. It was a time-lapse film of a tree blooming, with a man’s voice narrating in the background, a very dry, factual explanation of Spring. It kind of made me giggle because it was such an exclusively masculine expression. I asked myself what a feminine version would look like and what came forward was a classroom in a park, children leaning their backs against trees and meditating, interacting with and celebrating the flowers, dancing around giving thanks for the Sun, soil, rain, bees, wind and everything else that contributes to the Earth’s rebirth each Spring. Giving thanks to the Earth for it’s boundless bounty that feeds us, literally. Each child would have the opportunity to express about how Spring was also happening inside of them, in their own lives as well as in the collective. A sharing circle. This is the Feminine. Probably the ‘right’ way to teach kids about Spring lies half-way between these two paradigms, incorporating both energies. This is the new world we seek to create – a balance of both.

How do we serve this emerging paradigm? Let’s begin with how we don’t serve it – by vilifying and emasculating the Masculine, or pounding a Feminine agenda into their faces. So much of the ‘Women’s Liberation’ movement I witnessed as a girl was about women embodying their masculine in order to gain a seat at the table - Hillary Clinton comes to mind. That movement ultimately failed in truly liberating women because as the end of the day, they were still women, trying to win at a man’s game. The toxic feminine also plays the game, seeking to rise by (covertly) engineering a Masculine fall. Forced underground for centuries, the toxic feminine evolved into its lowest expression - creating drama rather than possibilities, emasculating rather that coming up under in support, gossiping and undermining one another, in competition for the male gaze. Vying for rather than sharing power.

The rise of the Divine Feminine is a much deeper engagement – it is the conscious embodiment of the Feminine Principle, against nothing and no one, no competition, no game. The Feminine rises alongside the Masculine, as its necessary counterbalance and co-creator. This is a process that occurs internally, within each of us; as we each forgive the toxic masculine within ourselves, forgiveness reigns in the collective. As we each forgive the toxic feminine within us, forgiveness reigns in the collective. As we locate, remember and embody the Divine Feminine within us, the Divine Feminine reigns in the collective, thus birthing the rise of the Divine Masculine, in ourselves first, and then mirrored in the world. As women, we lead this era. It comes through us as EVERYTHING IS BIRTHED THROUGH THE FEMININE. So we serve this by doing Women’s work. We release our individual and collective anger from a sense of responsibility, not victimhood. Nothing happened to us, we subscribed to it energetically or we wouldn’t be here. We broaden our perspective as far as we can, take in as much of the story as we can hold, acknowledge our part in it, forgive ourselves and all other players, ground the anger into the earth (as opposed to projecting it onto perceived ‘perpetrators’) and clear our shit. And at the same time, we enter into a seriously committed relationship with the Divine Feminine. We actively seek to understand and embody the aspects of the Feminine Principle (see above) and we devote ourselves to this relationship, understanding and holding its nature as holy and sacred in our lives. We hold ourselves as holy and sacred. We learn to emote, to dance, to invite in the fullness of any situation, softening our bodies in the face of everything, so that our sacred hearts are leading – and showing what Love does. We hold this pose regardless of what’s going on around us. We hold this pose. And when enough of us are doing this, embodying this frequency, allowing the Divine Feminine to flow through us into the world like life-giving blood, the world will awaken. The sustained frequency will demand it. In the blink of an eye, we will all know Oneness. In the blink of an eye, we will be unable to harm one another, unable to harm Earth’s creatures, unable to harm Earth itself. In the blink of an eye, Love will reign, unequivocally. This is what we work towards. This is what we came for.

(If you want more information on the mechanics of how this works, read here http://www.wowzone.com/monkey.htm)

PRETTY STOKED FOR HUMANS

Beloved Soul Family! My heart is full at this full Moon (exact exactly 42 minutes ago as I write this) with Gratitude for this community and all the healing + revealing in our soul collective. I feel each of you all the time and am always holding you in Love Absolute, cheering you on, nudging you (occasionally) and essentially basking in your magnificent soul light. The planet itself is grateful that you are on the front lines of this consciousness shift, actively raising your frequency and training yourself to hold and transmit the higher collective frequencies that are activating now on Planet Earth.

Speaking of activation, WE ARE IN IT. The biggest story astrologically is Chiron moving from Pisces into Aries, where he’ll remain for 8 years. I’ve been with this for some time now, as my natal Chiron is at 29 degrees Pisces, so this is an energy I’ve chosen to work with deeply in this lifetime. Chiron is a minor planet in the outer solar system which holds the archetypal vibration of the centaur, half-man, half-horse. He suffered a fatal wound but being immortal, was doomed to suffer eternally. His pain drove him to seek relief, which put him on a wisdom path, wherein he ultimately became a healer - the Wounded Healer. My path has followed a similar trajectory, just as my soul planned and mapped out in my natal planetary geometry. Pisces is dreamy, creative, mystical, compassionate, and ruled by Pluto, Lord of the Underworld or sub/unconscious mind. Chiron has been traveling through Pisces for much of the past decade, bringing our collective healing journey into the untapped depths of our sub and unconscious minds, ultimately stirring up the muck at the bottom, with an assist from the Pluto/Uranus Square of 2011-2016. (I’ve written much about the Pluto/Uranus Square.) We’ve likely been wildly uncomfortable through this transit because on one level we couldn’t even fathom what was happening within the dreamy surreal Piscean inner landscape and on another level we knew whatever was happening was ultimately for our benefit. It hasn’t felt good to say the least, but the healing’s been happening, evidenced all around us, in all aspects of our evolutionary journey.

And now Chiron moves from this interior, shadowlands scenario into Aries, the first sign of the astrological wheel, where we burst forth into the 3D realm with fire, initiatory energy, ready to conquer any mountain. The ram puts its head down and just GOES. It breaks through any barrier, fueled by passion, carried by its innate powerfully-forward trajectory. I also understand this energy as my Sun (and Mercury) are in Aries. Much of my everyday work in this lifetime is to tame and direct the Aries passion or it simply carries me away, off to fight windmills for the fun of it. Aries is strong, a fearless warrior; in its highest expression, it’s the Emperor in the Tarot. The Emperor is the Yang Divine Masculine, the benevolent leader, the responsible creator, who thinks for the Whole, who provides a safe, grounded container for the collective. The Emperor is mature, a leader who has transcended ego gratification and only thinks in terms of ‘We’. This is most excellent news! As we’ve progressed through Chiron in Pisces, doing our inner healing work both individually and collectively, we’ve readied ourselves for this moment, grown ourselves up as it were, to move into new territory. And so we find ourselves in the broad light of day, where we link arms and move forward together, in transparency, with open hearts, for the good of all, no matter what. No more withholding good from others, no more using our spiritual journey to gain power or the upper hand over others, no more commodifying spiritual wisdom. Everything is now available to everyone. And with the Divine Masculine coming into balance with the awakened Feminine, we get to access the process of creation from both sides of ourselves. As we all have both feminine and masculine energies within us, we get to heal our wounded masculine through our healed feminine and step into being the badass creator gods we came here to be – dreaming from the fertile void of the feminine, grounding into the 3D through the inspired action of the masculine. All in the crystal clear light of a new day in the Age of Aquarius. 

So. Healing will look very different. It already does. We will all recognize that we are our own best healers, and our very best bet is to get quiet and tune inward. We already intuitively know exactly what we need to heal and come into balance. And we will do this work in community, as in I’ll be a loving, safe mirror for you to see yourself and you’ll be the same for me. We’ll truly walk each other home. Sometimes our own best knowing is about intuiting where healing lies for us. I’ve been going to Ojai weekly for acupuncture for the better part of a year and throughout my husband would say, “You’re going to Ojai again? I thought your _______ was better.” And I would still go, week after week, sometimes not knowing why I was going, just that it was right that I was going. And after a pretty good while, I began to understand. I go to Ojai for acupuncture because my Chinese Medicine Doctor (my beloved Tara Matthews at SoulBodyOjai) understands Balance way better than me. She’s fluent in the very subtle language of the body, so each week my body shows her where I’m out of balance and she gently restores it. Week after week. And I’ve never felt better in my life. (My husband has stopped questioning the weekly acupuncture.) 

In this new cycle (essentially a 40 year cycle), we’ll remember the body’s own extraordinary healing powers and the Earth’s innate healing power. We’ll remember the miraculous medicine of plants. We’ll recognize that we are whole, just as we are, and we don’t need that food, dress, car, friend, lifestyle, ______,  in order to feel good about ourselves. We’ll easily see through the illusions the age of Pisces offered up as real life. Absolutely everything will change! In this fast moving Aries energy, we won’t be compelled to look back and reference what has come before. I’ve noticed this of my daughter’s generation since she was very young – they’re not at all interested in the past – they keep their focus firmly forward. What that means for healing modalities I don’t know and I’m excited to find out. What I do know is that healing will be easy and instantaneous. What I also know is that the planetary frequency has upleveled significantly since the last eclipse in January, and there is a clear, pure vibration that appears to be universally available now. It feels quite easy and natural to align to really anything one desires. When I walk my dog, I can easily and quickly attune my frequency to a flower, or tree, the sky, clouds, water, whatever. And it’s normal, familiar and really really nutritious. And what underlies so many of these Nature frequencies is Joy. Just pure simple Joy. I am remembering about Relationship, how absolutely everything is in relationship with everything else. When I walk, my feet are in relationship with my shoes, which are in relationship with the earth. My ears are in relationship with the wind. My breath is in relationship with my lungs and my lungs with my entire body. When I place my attention on these relationships, I feel the golden threads that bind everything together. I feel how if I move my arm just so, the whole field shimmers with delight. It’s quite amazing. And yet completely ordinary.

So I’m pretty excited to be alive right now. Pretty stoked for humans and the earth and all sentient beings. Life is an unspeakably precious gift and I’m so grateful to share it with you.

TSUNAMIS OF HEALING

And here we are again, bobbing in rough surf, at least here in Southern California. So much has transpired since Venus went Retrograde on October 5th - I don't even know where to begin. I recently had an astrologer friend reach out because she had a look at my chart and saw some major intensity around Neptune transiting my natal Chiron (the wounded healer) among various other aspects. She sent me a Google search detailing what that might mean in my experience and its surgical precision took my breath away. It was EXACT to my experience, a simple, clinical description of outrageous internal upheaval and healing that's been the overarching theme of my life lately. My friend also suggested I google Pluto transiting the 12th House in Capricorn, because that's also happening for me. We are all experiencing Pluto transiting Capricorn - it began in 2008 and won't end until 2023. I found a great website called 'thoughtco.com' which describes a Pluto transit like this:

"Pluto has a fearsome reputation because the changes it brings are so deep and total. Pluto transits strip us to the core, where we rebuild on a foundation of something that feels real. The ultimate end game of Pluto is to dig out inner treasures and purge what's inauthentic, sometimes through a psychic death and rebirth. It the inside-out change from facing core fears and transforming wounds into greatest strengths."

In Capricorn, Pluto will change everything about our systems of power and control, how we do things, what life looks like. It will destroy and rebirth the very structure of our reality. Each of us will be experiencing this through the lens of a different 'House', which is determined by your natal (birth) chart. I'm experiencing this transit in my 12th house, which thoughtco.com describes this way:

"(In the 12th house) Pluto takes its light into the vast zones of the psyche usually veiled -- sometimes even to ourselves. Revelations become the norm, as what's been unconscious becomes conscious. A startling and miraculous time for wrapping up all the soul's loose ends, before Pluto begins another cycle. The past asks for forgiveness and understanding, altering the present. Emotional memories locked in the body are released, for tsunamis of healing."

STARTLING AND MIRACULOUS...TSUNAMIS OF HEALING.

Yep, I'll say. By way of tsunamis of pain and grief. And you know what? I'm kind of rocking it, for real. I keep waiting for an errant nervous breakdown to reveal itself and...it's all kind of....ok. And just to illustrate how Life will organize itself for your highest good when you allow it to, my sisters and I decided in May to do our annual Sister Healing Weekend in October in Sedona. So our meetup took place during Venus's Retrograde which for me was all about healing the very deepest layers of my childhood, the core wounding received by my very young self. As my sisters and I stepped into the vortex of Sedona to lay ourselves bare in order to be healed, the planets were holding exactly this for us. We allowed the land - and each another - to support, excavate and cleanse us. At one point we were meditating on huge rocks in a dry, vertical creek bed, where seasonal monsoon rivers wash down from the Red Rocks. We could feel the big water all around us, cleansing and purifying, stripping us of the stories of 'damage' and 'abuse', allowing us to feel the purity of our elemental selves. (You know how to do this, yes? Sit in a dry creek bed and tap in to the water? Sit in a burned-out field and tap into the fire? This reality we find ourselves in is spherical, and everything is happening right now. Our perception of linear time is simply a construct which we can supersede at will. So we can tap into that water because there is an angle of reality wherein it is right here, right now. We can tap in and allow that water to wash us clean. We can tap into that fire and allow ourselves to burn.) 

Throughout the trip, so much was falling away, I felt like I was in a sort of trance, like a self-induced coma that allows the body to heal without the mind's input. When we went for massages, something told me to choose 'lymph drainage' even though I wasn't entirely sure what that was. And in walked the loveliest young man, who held and touched me so gently it broke my heart open. So much pain around rough handling at the hands of the masculine came forward to be healed, for myself and for the collective. It was incredible work. And then, on the way back to the airport, we stopped to see our parents in Phoenix. By parents I mean our dad and step-mother, who raised us. I don't see them often. My dad and I have never had an easy relationship and I've made peace with that. But this time was different. I kept my heart open despite it's knee-jerk reaction to close, and I saw my dad with new eyes, as if seeing him for the first time. I saw why he relates to me the way he does, how it somehow protects his heart, and why that's necessary for him. I saw how my contract with him is complete despite his life, his path, his karma - we are complete. No words to describe how good that feels, just a gut-deep sense of satisfaction at the end of an especially long and (ruthlessly) painful cycle. And of course Love is here too, born of pure Compassion.

During our visit my mom gave me a small plastic bag of drawings and cards that I had made for her and my dad from 1968-1974. My sisters and I went to live with them in '68, when I was five. It was the most unimaginable gift - first though pain and grief (what else?) as I could see my Little Jaclyn trying to somehow create a world that felt safe and connected. And then I was able to tap into my Little Me's innocence, something I have been trying to feel for years. And I finally broke through. I can feel her. (This is everything).

And then. Twelve people were killed in a shooting 5 miles from my house and fifteen hours later the Woolsey Fire started, which ultimately chased us from both houses over the course of twelve hours. I had a long stretch at the pyramid house, watching the fire burn along the western ridge of Malibu Canyon, marveling at it's awesome power and yes, beauty. I had a surreal moment of actually feeling the element of fire in all it's neutrality, its lack of intent, simply fire expressing itself in a very big way. It brought me to my knees in surrender to any and all outcomes. Something profound shifted inside me then, and I haven't fully unpacked it. Something about interacting with the elemental self as the earth, in Oneness, in balance and harmony regardless of appearance. After the fire I could feel the land in my body, and I felt burned too, laid bare, shorn of what was there before. 

Through it all remains the through-line of my practice - yoga, mantra, meditation. Self-care. Bowing again and again to what is so. Keeping my heart open in every moment, bowing and opening. Saying Yes. Showing up. This life, no matter how fierce, is for us. If we allow it, we become Masters.

S E R I O U S L Y

And I'm back! I wasn't even entirely clear that I was gone, except when I did try to log-in to Blogger several times over the past months to post, it didn't work and I lacked sufficient motivation to follow through. There was simply too much vying for my attention and I was using the whole of my energy to surf the gigantically potent cosmic portals, the slipping time streams, dimensional overlaps and stuff like that. Gratitude and blessings to all those that kept up their practices of informing us of the cosmic weather - it was a long, seemingly never-ending report of trauma, upheaval and transformation. I repeatedly had the urge to post: "Grab a life preserver, keep breathing and let's check back in come late December." Because seriously.

S E R I O U S L Y.

Spring 2018 feels about three lifetimes ago and the galactic transformational shifts continue. Among multiple potent geometries, we're in Venus Retrograde until November 16. Venus began covering her shadow territory (this is like her first pass over what she will be 'contemplating' during her turn inward) in Scorpio with a powerful influence of Mars (our body/life) in Aquarius (the new way) and Uranus (change at any cost) in Taurus (persistent, plodding change), all in a Square formation, which creates oppositional forces that move us out of complacency and into action. On one side of the square, we had the Divine Masculine going about its business figuring out a new definition of what it means to be a man/masculine in this emerging paradigm - and how to incorporate consciousness and compassion into the way forward. On the other side of the square was Venus in Scoprio, digging into the Underworld, the Shadow, revealing more hidden aspects of power, sexuality and the desires of the Feminine, and how those desires have been repressed and stomped on for countless generations. The shiz, it is rising up out of the basement again. And so Venus - with Uranus staring her down - says 'Not so fast Divine Masculine. You can't move forward until this shiz is dealt with."

Hmmmm. Sound familiar with regards to Dr. Christine Blasey Ford and Brett Kavaunaugh?  When Dr. Ford kicked open the basement door, a new, subtler level of the collective feminine trauma was exposed and we were reminded, 'Oh right, just because I wasn't technically raped doesn't mean I wasn't traumatized.' And the Masculine had to face yet another unsavory depth of truth around it's entrenched blind eye and inherent rape-y culture. And maybe just possibly, an imperative to stop hiding behind the smoke screen of "I did not have sex with that woman." Cosmically, we are all being held responsible for our actions, regardless of what side of Right Relationship they fall under. If we have perpetrated wrong action, we are called to make amends - if we do, we have the opportunity to liberate ourselves into an entirely new level of authenticity, wherein we live with a broader truth of what we are, warts, wings and all. We get to move forward with this expanded consciousness, creating who we are with each breath, choice and action. And through this portal we ultimately find our way back into Self-Love, which allows us to truly love one another. Both the Feminine and Masculine need deep, authentic love in order to move forward collectively healed. 

If we fail this particular Earth School test, and don't take responsibility for our mistakes of the past, we fall further into constriction, into dis-ease, into a paradigm of density and falsity, because we literally can't see ourselves and how our actions hurt others. Seen any paradigms of density and falsity lately? I would say our national political system has moved from falsity to farce and we all play along as if it's somehow real.

Dr. Ford took responsibility for her experience when she came forward and spoke up. In the days following, thousands of people began telling their long-held stories of abuse and trauma. This is what it is was for; it was never about whether Brett Kavanaugh would be confirmed as a life-long justice of the highest court in the land. We all know that game (and whole system) is rigged. It was about the act of speaking up, opening the basement door and telling our hard truths; the ones that are so dark we can barely look or stomach them. Collectively we are growing subtler and stronger - we're waking the f up and we're TALKING ABOUT IT. 

This is the most excellent way to move through this Venus Retrograde; allowing ourselves to embody those deep Scorpion depths and then express what we see and feel. It's important to support ourselves entirely throughout, with meditation, baths, yoga, inquiry/journaling, communing with soul family, deep committed self-care. So much can and will be revealed if we commit to the process. For me personally, much is being revealed in the dreamtime in the form of lucid dreams that feel like repressed memories. I can tell immediately they're important by their feel and how I awake fully engaged with the emotion and energetic. I'm remembering (hopefully, fingers crossed) the deepest depths of my three and five year old self, losing first my grandmother and then my mother. I wake up right in the loss and it's astoundingly beautiful to allow myself to feel that little one's ocean of grief.

As I write this I'm in Sedona with my two older sisters on our annual Sister Bonding Weekend. We live in three different states and we come together once a year to commune. Our time is always rife with laughter and tears; this year the laughter is reaching entirely new depths and the medicine in that is profound. It's allowing us to cycle through the layered, crackling energetic of our collective field and lineage and release it. The land here is so welcoming, I feel it receive this energy with deep gratitude for our work. And of course we are entirely supported by our ancestors - their presence is so strong I am near constantly integrating the shifts. 


So it's a beautiful time to be woke on Earth. We all agreed to be here because we are. When we bend our will toward surrender to our highest path, we are bourn on the wings of angels.