Living Lightly in Darkness

     In my last post I spoke about attending to those actions/thought forms/feelings that add to us energetically, to recognize what those are and do more of them (as opposed to the actions/thought forms/feelings that deplete us energetically) so that we can stay in 'positive territory.' By staying in positive territory, I do not mean avoiding negative/harsh/hard experiences. We cannot avoid these things obviously - we live in a polarity reality. By staying in positive territory, I mean keep your energy up so that when the shit hits the fan as it is wont to do, you have enough energy to be with it, allow it, hold it for yourself and anyone else involved without tipping into negative thinking. When we tip into negative thinking, we are operating from the density, from the darker end of the spectrum, so that fear, doubt, anger, etc. will likely be influencing our state of being. This is where we react in anger, do or say things we later regret and/or have to apologize for. And ultimately we likely will have to revisit the issue because our reaction did not allow process or completion. We increase the density of the situation by our own dense reaction.

When we have enough energy in our energy 'bank' (because we've building energy in our own fields by doing those things that increase us), we can hold dense experiences with more equanimity. We can take a breath, expand our viewpoint waaaaaaaay out so that we can see maybe even ALL aspects of the situation with clarity. Then we can chose right action, we can respond rather than react. We can move through the experience, processing it and receiving any information or wisdom it's offering us. (And truly every single moment of our lives offers something.) Now we're rocking our experiences instead of being rocked by them.

That may look like this: my daughter gets into the car after school and immediately starts screaming at me. She knows me almost better than I know myself (she has been intently studying me for 15 years) so she knows exactly where each and every button is. She hits 'em all. If I am low on energy, I react and yell back, to defend myself, to deflect my feelings of shame, embarrassment or whatever else may come up (she's good, she knows where those hide), or I may try to flip it back onto her so I don't have to be with those hard feelings. Either way we both end up in a darker place.

Or, if I have enough energy, when she begins yelling, I begin breathing deeply, I look her in the eye so that she knows she's being heard, and I become calmer and calmer. When she's done, I may repeat what I heard her say. And then offer some empathy, compassion or whatever the situation calls for in that moment. Then I might wait a bit and when she's calm, I might ask her how her day was, because obviously it was tough if she needed to off-load it in that way. And then she tells me about some heinous high-school shit that went down, I empathize and hold the space while she works it out in her own being, and then we're done. And later I can look at the words she screamed and see if any of it is mine to own, or all hers. Now I'm rocking my experience and hers.

Suggestions for things that add to us energetically that we can do daily: meditation, yoga, working out, hiking/being in Nature, being in water, eating foods that are really good for us, connecting with self, family and friends, service of any kind, conscious breathing, massage/body work, studying with a master or teacher (or reading their teachings), journaling, creating something, engaging in hobbies, etc. etc. etc.

So lastly, I repeat, by using the terms 'positive' and 'negative', I am not making a judgement about experiences. These are actually neutral terms when it comes to energy. Think of a magnet; one end has a positive charge and one end has a negative charge. The ocean has negatively charged ions which balance out our positively charged ions which is why we feel so good after being in or near water. In Oneness, all emotions, experiences, people, choices are equal; they all have value well beyond our understanding. There is no guy in the sky looking down saying "That's good and that other is bad." Only we do that. Only we judge. And we have the free will to stop judging. Judging is a deeply engrained habit, tightly woven into the fabric of human society and psychology. And yet, there's us, there's our free will. The Piscean Age was all about judgement, and we've (VERY) recently stepped out of that epoch. Now we're tiptoeing into the Aquarian Age, where judgment has no value because it's a non-reality. I see this new reality already dawning in the teenagers of today - they call each other out for judging all the time. I can't even tell you how that increases my energy ;)

So that's it, that's my spiel. Have at it <3

A Polarity Of Energy

I have been pondering the nature of reality for who knows how long now. And the more I do, the simpler things become...

There is a tribe in Africa that has this practice: when a tribal member does something harmful, they circle around him and spend two days telling him how good he is, reminding him of all his acts of goodness. Instead of punishing him for his dark choice (which would only serve to make him darker), they bombard him with his own light that he has forgotten about. They enlighten him, so that he can make better choices from a more empowered place.

There is no such thing as morality. This is something we as humans created in an attempt to try to understand why people often do the wrong thing. (And to try to force them to do the 'right' thing but that's a whole other post.) There is only energy, and in this reality, a polarity of energy. On one side, a density, like gravity, that is dark, devoid of light, devoid of all aspects of light. On the other is light, made up of pure love, peace, forgiveness, joy, compassion, understanding, generosity, etc. In every moment we are faced with choices large and small. What determines our choices? How much energy we have. Do we have enough energy to supersede the density and pick the en-light-ened choice, that adds to us even more energy? For love, peace, gratitude, bliss, etc. increase us energetically. The more we choose them, the more we have the ability to continue choosing them. This is the concept the 12-step program is essentially built upon, which is why it works. If we do not have enough energy to supersede the density, we will choose from the dark end of the spectrum where judgement, fear, doubt, anger, hatred and the like reside. And these drain us of energy, so we will likely continue choosing them from sheer depletion.

How to supersede the dark end of the spectrum? Be conscious of your energy ‘bank’. As parents, we see this concept in our children all the time. If they get too tired, too hungry, they fall apart. They become too depleted to hold themselves together. We are the same albeit on a larger scale. We must always be watching which activities/thought forms/emotions, etc. deplete us and which add to us. Do more of the things that add to you, so that you can always be in positive territory. And the more you do this, the easier it is to give up the depleting things, for they no longer feel good. You don’t even have to try – they just fall away. Simple. (So get to it.)

And the next time you see someone making a choice (or living their entire lives) from the dark end of the polarity, see if you can view them through the eyes of compassion, as a person just like you, only with less energy. Perhaps they have had fewer opportunities to build their energy and maybe they don't even know they are energy. So they get buffeted by the density of this world, and fall into low energetic eddies that continually feed them dark choices. By your knowing the truth of them - that like you, they are eternal beings of light, unbesmirched emanations of God; by your holding this conscious awareness of them, you increase them. You actually add to them so that maybe their very next choice is brighter. Simply by your knowing you infuse light.

I know and hold each and every one of you as pure light, pure love, pure joy. May all beings know peace and happiness in this lifetime.

Saturnian Stew

Greetings Beloveds! This month finds me in deep conversation with Saturn, and the crux of the interaction is SURRENDER. Saturn is our great teacher, the bringer of lessons, and we must eventually pass the course, even if we have to take it over and over again. Saturn will always vary the lesson plan, using anything and everything at its disposal to get its point across. And its point to me right now is essentially “GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER.” I have always been two different people internally; one is the Aries Ram, highly organized and motivated, climbing that hill come hell or high water, (somewhat) blindly charging towards what I want. The other is the artist, who eschews schedules and habits and patterns. That one prefers a more free-form life of following my nose, fluidly moving with whatever captures my attention in the moment. I have been living in this artistic state for quite a while now, and Saturn would like me to come back to center. This means becoming more diligent in attending to (and following through on) all those mundane tasks that ‘bore’ me, like filing. I’ve been resisting this teaching for close to a year now and Saturn is just not having it. And so I’ve surrendered and put myself on a schedule with regards to routine tasks. (Gag). And I feel better, because the unfinished business is starting to nag me less.

Awakening to the deeper truth of myself does not mean that my life is all sunshine and roses. No life is; this reality is not created like that. There is destruction and decay and chaos here in 3^rd dimensional Earth. Knowing the deeper truth of myself allows me to see more clearly what life is asking of me and to bring the fullness of myself to that task. My personality isn’t always on board, which can sometimes cause a delay between what I know needs to be done and actually doing it. Saturn is teaching me that the gap only causes suffering. The quicker I respond to what I know needs attending to, the less I suffer. Sounds easy right? Yogi Bhajan has a quote that helps me with this: “When the time is on you, start and the pressure will be off.” So I don’t have to do a years’ worth of filing today. I can do 15 minutes a day; the trick is to start. Often I find what prevents me from starting are all the conversations I have around the thing, like ‘it’s boring, there’s 1000 other things I’d rather be doing, why do I get so much mail anyway, why does there have to be so much paperwork in life, there are just too many details to attend to, my husband doesn’t like me anymore because the office is messy….” You get the gist. My thinking is HEAVY. These thoughts create non-realities that muck it up and make it a burden, rather than simple filing. So Saturn would like me to watch my thoughts really carefully, to notice how and when I create non-realities, then believe them as truth and ultimately suffer for them.

There is a Zen saying, “Chop wood, carry water.” I wrote this on the wall of my frame shop workroom twenty years ago and it’s still teaching me. Tom Barrett (interluderetreat.com) says of this teaching:

“Work. What does the word mean to you? Is it something to be avoided? Is it a means to an end? Is it the only appropriate focus of your attention and energy? Is it a way to avoid the rest of your life? Is it a joy? Is it a part of  your spiritual practice?
When you labor, stay awake. Notice the frame of mind you bring to your work. Do you approach your work as if it were a nuisance? Do you remove your consciousness from work so that you are filled with resentment or worry?  What would you need to do to be more fully present in your work?

Practice mindfulness in work. It does little good to attain clarity of mind on your meditation cushion if you lose it as soon as you become active. Start with simple activities like brushing your teeth, ironing clothes, or washing dishes. Be fully alert as you move. Notice the position of your body in space. Notice the feelings in your body as you move. Pay attention to the thoughts that enter your mind when you do the task. See if you can let them go and just focus on the work itself.

If you are cleaning a countertop, feel the sponge in your hand. Feel the wetness. Feel the texture. Observe how the sponge moves in your hand from the sink to the counter. Sense your movements as you scrub. What do your eyes see? What do you hear as you work? Clean that countertop as if it were the most important thing you could do. Move with fluid motions. Waste no energy. Allow yourself the grace of economy of motion. Be grateful for the countertop, the sponge, the water, the soap. Be grateful for the hand, the arm, the whole body that can move a sponge. Be thankful for the floor you stand on and the roof that protects you. Without letting your mind wander too far, be grateful for all the circumstances that put you where you are at that moment with that sponge and that water and that countertop.

When we open awareness to the tasks in our lives they become lighter. When we are able to be in the moment, we no longer feel compelled to watch the clock. Whatever your work might be, bring all of yourself to it. When you are fully present, you may find that your labor is no longer a burden. Wood is chopped. Water is carried. Life happens.”

And so I’ve recommitted to doing my work before play, to live from my organized self, and to generally rock this ‘taking care of business’ business.

So Saturn can go sit on someone else’s nerve ;)

(Photo from Nasa's Cassini Orbiter).

Taking The Lid Off

This morning I was speaking with my sister on the phone and she mentioned she remembers almost nothing of her youth. This is because our childhood was rough from the start and we largely suppressed it. Beginning when we were little tiny beings (inutereo in my case) we experienced big, heavy energies, and we had no tools or support to process those experiences, so we buried them, like stuffing feather pillows into a basket and putting the lid on it. This is what happens when we humans are faced with experiences/emotions that are too big for us to hold; we stuff it down into the depths of ourselves so we don't have to be with it. Problem is, those unexperienced emotions don't go anywhere; they remain with us, designing our reality and essentially making us sick, either physically, emotionally or both. When we stuff our emotions into a basket, we prevent them from moving, so they fester like an infected wound. You know how when your cat gets an abscess and you have to keep the wound constantly open so that it can heal from the inside out? Exactly the same. We must heal ourselves from the inside out.

As an adult who has done a lot of practices to build up my nervous system so that I can hold heavy energies, I have learned that the only way to allow this miasma of unexpressed emotion to leave my body is to take the lid off that basket. The experiences I've stuffed down don't necessarily need to be processed or understood as I have already integrated the knowing of how my childhood formed me. Now the suppressed emotions simply need me to be present with them, so that they can be expressed, so that they can move through, like a storm. E-motions. They move, which is simply what they are - energies that moves. We make emotions so much more than that by believing them as true and then reacting and/or building up huge belief systems around them. If we could be cleanly present in the moment, we would see it is just energy moving; if we can allow ourselves to feel them and then let them move through, we would be much freer and happier.

So how do we take the lid off? First, we must get our nervous system in good shape by any number of practices - yoga, breath, meditation, presence, gratitude, fill-in-the-blank-with-whatever-works-for-you. For me, this has been all of the former, along with time in Nature, mantra and studying ancient wisdom practices and writings. These bring a sense of calm clarity to all of my bodies as well as my mind. We must tonify our nervous systems first because our bodies will not allow us to be with what we cannot hold. As my subtle body became more and more adept at bearing the weight of heavier and heavier energies, I began tuning in with my inner child. I know, this is the part where you roll your eyes and check out. So trite, inner child. And trite for a reason because it's real and true. When wee ones experience trauma and simply stuff it and never somatically revisit it, a part of them becomes stuck right there. So I tuned in with my inner child by first bringing myself into a meditative state, and then I began feeling/visualizing myself as a young girl - as a 'separate' entity - and eventually she was present with me. I found her curled up in a fetal position, unable to even look at me. I had to coax her to come sit with me, where ultimately she felt safe enough (I finally trust myself) to climb into my arms - and we broke open together. That was the beginning. Over many months, I revisited her again and again, and before my eyes she grew older, and my memories returned and I let the pain of my childhood go. I still revisit her as a practice and she brings a lot of information and energy to my emotional body. She's also really good friends with my puppy :)

My sister has asthma and is fully aware that it is her childhood pain, held in her body. She has done a lot of work intellectually understanding and releasing her childhood. As she begins this deep dive into somatic work, I can hardly wait to applaud her freedom.

Blessings to you all upon your journey <3

Top 'O The Spiral To Ya

New Year’s Blessings Beloveds! I trust this yearly turning finds you taking stock of 2015, honoring your victories and understanding and forgiving your miss-takes. It’s important to take a clear look at who we’ve been, so that we can amplify those parts of ourselves that are in alignment with our highest good and gently course correct those aspects that are not serving us. Last year was all about the dismantling of just about everything, and the end of an important three-year cycle. The world is entirely changed energetically; absolutely everything was touched by the transformational destruction of the Pluto-Uranus Square that has been the prevailing cosmic geometry since mid-2012. The good news is the square is over although its impact will be with us for the rest of our lives.

2016 is about embodying those changes, and specifically building the structures to embody them. We are helped tremendously by the energies ruling this new year, namely Virgo, which represents that place in us that knows how to do this perfectly, in the right order, in just the right way. Virgo is all about process and integration, how to marry all the moving parts so that they fit together perfectly. How auspicious! As we look around at what may be the burned and decimated landscape that used to be our lives (habits, patterns, ways of being, partnerships, businesses, even physical structures), we have the perfect guidance available to us on how to proceed. The change has already happened. That’s done. (Thank Goodness). Now we get to build the structures that will hold who and what we are now so that we can literally BE the change. What will that look like? No one knows and that’s the good news. The new Now is literally being created from the future, from something we have never seen before, so it’s impossible to visualize it with our minds. In fact it is a great disservice to it to do so. We must NOW MORE THAN EVER allow ourselves to be led by something we cannot necessarily see or touch in the way we are used to. Now more than ever before, we must commit ourselves to a daily practice wherein we find connection to the largest part of ourselves, to our Infinite, Boundless Self, that which is God/Great Spirit/All That Is. This is our work now, to embody the Highest Good on Earth. To do this, we MUST develop our ability to tune-in to our multi-dimensional selves (that part of us that exists beyond the physical) in a regular and practical way. Like every day. And when we get good at it, every minute of every day so that we are literally living in this physical plane with multi-dimensional awareness streaming through us with each breath. The Kabballah tells us this is how God gets into the world. And I think we can all agree that this world needs God (as boundless and unfettered Love, Peace, Happiness and Joy) more than ever. It’s time.

Ok, so in order to rock 2016, we are being asked to focus on the physical. (As a small aside, when I say we are ‘being asked’ I mean that Saturn, the Great Teacher, is providing us an opportunity to step up to the lesson at hand. If we don’t step up, Saturn will knock us on our ass, because we get to learn the lesson regardless. We can choose the easy way or the rough way.) We are being asked to focus on the practical, daily work of integrating our spiritual nature into this physical plane. We do this by way of the body; it must become grounded and rooted in us physically. This can only be done through a regular, ‘physical’ practice of the spiritual. For many this looks like daily yoga. For me it looks like daily sadhanna, which incorporates kundalini-based movement, breath-work, mantra and meditation. For you it may be a walking/hiking meditation or other type of meditation, or any activity that takes you into a direct experience of the Divine, of yourself as connected and “part and parcel of God” (to borrow from Emerson). This could be as simple as a daily ritual of connecting to the Sun as masculine/father energy and the Earth as feminine/mother energy and truly feeling both energies in your body and yourself as part of the greater Whole. Whatever it is for you, get to it.

One last piece: Mercury is in retrograde for much of this month and as we know, this encourages an inward glance into the inner workings of how we operate in the world. This will be a prevailing theme for the first six months of this year – an inward focus and planning of what will come next. There will be a pull towards impatience to manifest what we want right now and the wiser path is to do all the inner work first and then after June, launch it into the 3D. More on that later. In the meantime, get some rest, get to bed early so that you can set that alarm earlier to get up and do your practice. It will be most effective if done at the same time every day, and I personally believe first thing in the morning is most powerful. Regardless of how you roll it out, try to make it a gentle process for yourself, be generous and kind and disciplined.

Maybe drop the thought form that you don't have time for it, because you do. And when you commit and make it a vital part of your day, you will be amazed to find that you actually have more time because your focus is sharpened and more effective in all you do. That's just one of the countless perks of multi-dimensional living.

Can't wait to see who you'll be on the other side....<3

As It Closes

Holiday Greetings Beloveds! This time of year can feel a bit like a whirlwind and so our hearts may be not-so-gently reminding us to stop, step out of the spinning and allow ourselves time to pause and reflect.  This is our opportunity to honor and celebrate all we have been and become this past year and to vision for what’s next. The current and pending geometries are quite tilted toward our brighter becoming; all of humanity is in it now, this earnest urge toward reclamation and transformation. Everything is changing, period. The denser energies are becoming even more so; those that cannot hold the higher and faster frequencies that are happening now are spinning off. The Pluto-Uranus Square, which has been the prevailing energy for the past 2+ years, is largely over and the house, well, it burned down. So here we stand, naked of our usual patterns, behaviors and distractions that used to run things, really seeing ourselves, our lives and the world as they truly are, perhaps for the first time. All is exposed. (Ouch.) So the discomfort, confusion, fear, whatever it might be that is presenting itself in your experience is perfectly appropriate. Your relationships may be exploding, your circumstances shifting rapidly and your life looking almost unrecognizable. Good!! You’re right on schedule. This is a perfect time to rebuild it the way you want it to look; an auspicious moment to create and become the person you have always wanted to be. It will take presence, commitment and grit - and you’ve got that in spades.

This new moon, which occurred on the 11th, was a powerful portal for setting intentions, and intentions are HUGE for this coming year because of the fact that everything is being re-created from the ground up. If your house burns down, you are likely not going to rebuild it exactly as it was. You are going to correct all those little or big things that didn’t quite work. Or you may decide you want to build a different house altogether. The bottom line is, get designing, because the prevailing energies of 2016 will require us to build structures to support our ‘new’ lives. And our new lives are about embodying Spirit, both individually and collectively.

How does that look exactly? For me, it looks like daily kundalini practice, done early in the morning. My practice is a conscious communion with Spirit/God/Consciousness. It revitalizes and invigorates the channel through which God moves through me into this world. It is my food. It feeds my energetic and auric field which then supports me in cultivating a life of conscious creation and presence. It means cultivating love and compassion, every day, with everyone, including myself. It allows me to approach the everyday occurrences of my life with a relaxed curiosity - first a softening, and then a holistic look at what is actually present. It means watching the running commentary in my head, because it is often not aligned with the truth. (I find that if I chant mantra regularly, in my practice and as background music in my car and home, it replaces the commentary. THIS IS GOODNESS.)

I set my clear intentions for the coming year at the New Moon, although this can be done anytime before the full moon on Christmas Day. I did not create a laundry list of wants, rather I visioned for what the highest purpose for my life is and how it wants me to participate/co-create so that it can flow into my experience with ease. Visioning is a powerful tool to catch the current of highest truth that is always running through our very being, moment by moment, in all ways.

To do this, set aside at least 30 minutes in a quiet place with a journal or notebook. Tune in/connect with your higher self, however that looks for you, and from that still place, ask yourself questions along the lines of: What is the highest vision for my life in 2016? What does it look like? Feel like? Who am I as this vision fulfilled? What must I release in order for this vision to come to fruition? What can I begin right now to support it's unfolding? Any wisdom to carry forward into the new year? DREAM BIG. Write the first thing that comes to you; do not involve your mind by thinking or judging what comes forward. Just write it down and go on to the next question. Afterwards look at your answers and be with what your life is calling you to. Are you up for it? If yes, tune in with the Vision regularly, checking in to see how it wants to be served next. Try to avoid shaping it with your mind; the God Consciousness has a limitless imagination so we may as well let it do the heavy lifting. Our minds largely recreate and repackage what has come before - to lead of life of true inspiration, we must allow our boundless self to move through us into the 3D world. When we have Clarity and Passion for our highest Vision, the God Consciousness clears the path toward our desire. Our only job is to hold the Vision and serve it, by doing what it asks of us to do.

Here's to a New Year of Clarity and Creation. May your Holidays be blessed!!

Still Surfing

Fall Greetings Friends! This month finds me taking a deep breath in gratitude for  the tremendous leap in consciousness we were afforded this eclipse season. We are different creatures on this side of that engagement, regardless of how we participated. Our hearts are freer, more awake and available to us. It's crucial that we are constantly tuning in with our hearts; we can do this deeply, in meditation, and as a matter of course throughout the day. I use conscious breathing and tapping (physically tapping on my chest) for regular reminders that yes, here is my heart, I am here.

We have a major opportunity now to permanently shift our operating system to one that is guided and led by the heart. We can foster this shift by noticing the difference between how a thought or choice made with the head feels as opposed to one that is inspired and brought forth from the infinite cosmos that is our heart. The heart is our literal and figurative wisdom seat, and it is boundless; it knows all and has much to teach us. Try looking at your life situations through the ‘eyes’ of your heart and see what new perspective it offers. See your loved ones and indeed all beings through the eyes of love, looking past appearance, into the infinite heart of each being. You may see yourself there, as a beautiful reflection of Oneness for truly we are all one grand and infinite Consciousness that constantly expands, in an act of loving self-discovery, as each being, each life. When we judge or harm others, we judge and harm ourselves. The same care we give to our most deeply beloved we must also give to ourselves, for ultimately we are our beloved. For me, this is the only path forward – fierce and profound self-love for it is through this engagement that I am liberated into a life created from the fabric of Wholeness and Joy that is not bound by circumstance. It is through this liberation that I deliver the fullness of my own unique gifts to this world. We have each come to weave our singular genius into this transcendent tapestry of Being; let us allow our hearts to lead us through this sacred engagement.

For me personally, right now is also a time of deep release. As I delve further into the chasm of my opened heart, enormous waves of grief have been rising up and moving through my system. I have learned to simply honor what comes forth, without being caught up in any story or reasons or grasping for understanding. I just allow it to come and go unhindered. This week’s full moon has been my perfect companion for this work…

Next month our highest consciousness (represented by the sun) will move into Scorpio and we will begin another intense round of alchemical transformation. For now, I'm resting in the calm of deeply knowing all is well. My path is prepared before me with the same Perfection that creates and sustains all worlds. Right here is exactly right.

May yours and all hearts know Peace, and may we reflect our deepest love to ourselves and each other.

All love <3