DARK GODDESS

I've been sitting with Beyoncé's Grammy performance for days, trying to find my way into language to express the places in me it touched; deep, secret places so powerful I am only just beginning to approach them. I'll begin by saying that for me, Beyoncé's 'Lemonade' film is a masterwork. She is a fierce being of strength and consciousness, who moved so authentically through an archetypal initiation of betrayal by the masculine, that she embodied the fullness of the Goddess herself for all to see. And because it was honest, it contains both the light and darkness of the Feminine Principle, unapologetically. I am literally in awe of her and this work.

As an aside, I believe she was largely passed over for awards for this very reason - this work is simply too real and intense for most. This was perfectly played out for me during the performance; while I was completely agog at what was unfolding on stage, two people I was with - a woman in her seventies and a pre-teen girl - were both expressing their displeasure (and likely deep discomfort) by saying, "Just dance Beyoncé. We like it better when you dance." Meanwhile she's up there laying down primal truth about the Feminine...

"Do you remember your birth? Are you thankful for the hips that cracked and the deep velvet of your mother and her mother.....and her mother?" Everything comes through the feminine; she is the generator and portal through which humans enter time/space in the third dimension. In her cosmic duties as womb, weaver of the golden thread that ties us together, dreamer and keeper of ever new potentialities for human evolution, she is physically beholden to the unseen realms. One eye towards Earth, one eye fixed on Heaven. And Hell. I do not believe in the traditional notions of these; Heaven for me encompasses endless dimensions of pure Love Light, which I know exist because I've been there. Hell is the opposite end of that spectrum, the absence of light, total density. Been there too. And in our creative power here on Earth, we manifest aspects of both in our lives as our lives. The Feminine is perfectly comfortable in both realms. In her highest expression (that we can imagine), she is the Divine Mother, essentially made of that pure Love Light, birthing us, loving us unconditionally, supporting and holding us through anything and everything without judgement. A bottomless heart. In her lowest expression (that we can imagine) she is pissed. She is actually beyond pissed - she is Anger itself, lashing out destructively, with vengeance, with power beyond imagining, burning it all down. We don't like to talk about her that way, I know. And yet.

Black Moon Lilith is a Dark Goddess archetype who represents the feminine shadow. There are many stories about her, one in particular calls her the first woman, pre-Eve. She was so powerful in her creative energy, Adam rejected and banished her. And then he fashioned Eve from his own body, a lesser, controllable energy. "You cut me in half," Beyoncé sings. Lilith embodies our reaction to subjugation - a dense collective burden from lifetimes of rage and despair. When crossed, Lilith fights back - she plots and manipulates, she emasculates, she destroys. In her album 'Lemonade', Beyoncé descends into this Hell, she dances with the Dark Goddess, she accepts both her own and her husband's dark side. She says, "Ok, I got it, life's messy and sticky and sometimes very fucked up." (I'm paraphrasing here.) And then the question becomes "Can I still love?" From the expanded place of holding the whole truth of herself and her beloved, the answer is Yes, which allows her to rise in Love, to embody the Divine Feminine, which can hold everything. A woman's heart is a bottomless ocean. (I think that's from Titanic.) And it's true.

And so we have this beautiful archetypal dance of light and shadow that we are engaged in, every day. How is it going? Are you friends with your darkest places? Do you lash out in anger? Do you seek revenge on the masculine? Do you emasculate? Do you allow yourself to sink to the depths to feel it all? And afterwards with eyes wide open, do you still choose love? Life can expand us this way, particularly the feminine, for this is an essential component of our Earth journey. And when we rise in love, we uplift all women, and create the possibility to collectively come whole to our men, allowing the masculine and feminine to join together in absolute balance. And from that place, as Beyoncé sings it, "You and me could move mountains."

Getting High On Our Own Supply

New Year Greetings and Blessings Beloveds!

 The weather here in Southern California is perfectly aligned with yesterday’s watery Full Moon in Cancer, a sort of dreamy, slow, inwardly facing moon – a perfect time to curl up with a cup of tea by the fire while the rain falls outside. I am fully engaged with Winter energy, taking to my bed right after dinner, reading, studying, writing from under the covers. It feels deeply nourishing and exactly what my system is calling for.

 Most humans had a challenging 2016. The Pluto-Uranus engagement of the past few years has left us bereft of our illusions, ways of hiding and habitual ways of dealing. We have been called to find new ways of seeing, being and living. Last year Saturn was sitting directly on top of most everyone’s head, telling us it was time to create a daily engagement with Spirit, whether through Yoga, Meditation, Breath, Study, etc. If you were obedient to Saturn’s demands, this year should find you functioning rather differently than you have in the past. If you have been resisting Saturn’s dictate for consistency in your practice, you will receive more of the same this year, except it will be even more uncomfortable to ignore what must be done. And what must be done? We must bring our A-Game. Why? Because we have been stripped bare, there is nowhere left to hide (except extreme addiction and the like.) Our only good option is to face the hard truths of our collective and individual shadow. We can no longer avoid the parts of ourselves (and others) that we don’t like. We cannot simply look away, back away, ignore; we must find a way to see, understand and even love what before we could not even acknowledge existed.

 On a personal level, this is a call for an engagement with radical self-love, self-understanding, self-forgiveness. Something I have found really helpful with this is the investigation of the archetypal self - our planetary base-line strengths, super-powers and proclivities along with our innate challenges and weak points. These can be quite easily revealed through an astrological chart reading, a numerology report and the like. These are easy, no-brainer tools that help us see and accept a wider picture of ourselves. When I had my numerology chart done, a whole new layer of “Oh, that’s why I have a tendency to do that” was revealed. It helps alleviate any self-loathing, blame or shame we have around our weaknesses; instead they become challenges we are tasked with overcoming in this lifetime, rather than self-fulfilling prophesies of doom that makes us feel shitty about ourselves. And by rising up and overcoming our pre-prescribed challenges, we are overcoming karma, fulfilling dharma and just generally leading a happier life. Another tool to developing self-love and acceptance is to consistently remind ourselves what we also are, the broader truth of us. We are unique and individualized radiations of Divine Energy; we are not separate from God, we are wholly One with It, we are LITERALLY made of It. This is a truth we must remind ourselves of again and again and again. It is imperative that we have some sort of practice wherein we feel this truth in our bodies and throughout our radiant fields regularly. I find this in kundalini yoga practice. I literally shower myself daily with the blessing of this knowing; I ‘get high on my own supply’ (-Guru Jagat). And my own supply is really, really good stuff.       

 On a collective level, we are also called to find new ways of seeing, being and living. An oppositional, Us versus Them mentality does not work. It gets us nowhere. (Or rather it gets us here, with our current Presidential Situation.) Time to know that our way is not the only way, that those ‘across the aisle’ also have hopes and dreams for humanity, although they have differing views on how to achieve them. At an energetic, heart and spirit-based level, we are all on the same team. Time to listen to those who think differently from us, with the goal of hearing and understanding, not convincing or proving anyone wrong or right. Time to throw all viewpoints into the center and see what holds water, what is in alignment with everyone’s needs and goals, what allows us to unite in common purpose. Time to keep our eyes and ears wide open, ALL THE TIME, for as awakened ones, we are the Guardians of Goodness and Right Relationship. We have been shown that our collective shadow harbors a lot of fear and separation and outright meanness. We get to be lighthouses of Goodness and Right Action, in order to counterbalance what is being held up as acceptable in our world right now. We will not do this by making anyone wrong; we will simply BE what is right. So live loudly in Kindness, Gentleness, Inclusion, Helpfulness, Tolerance, Peace. Make it so that your very presence makes others feel better. This is how we can each be in service to the world this year.

 Speaking of 2017, the energies of this year are varied, however two things stand out. The first and more gentler experience is a Venus Retrograde that happens from March 4^th – April 15^th. Venus changes signs during the Retrograde which means we are in for a double-edged lesson; one will feel lovely and the other will feel the opposite of lovely. Venus’s lesson is all about knowing how to give and receive Love so it will involve all of our relationships. Do what you can to dive deeply into opening your heart and allowing Love to teach you how to live from there. The second and deeper theme is a recurring Saturn-Uranus Trine, which indicates a cooperative and profound interaction between these two planets. They already had their first meet-up in December and will have two more encounters this year. This means we should be ready for anything, for anything can happen and probably will. The changes that come will be significant, structural shifts that will demand we evolve to incorporate them. (Uranus brings the lightening strike and Saturn says "You better shift yourself to deal with this.") This will be easier for some than others, depending on how these two planets interact with your birth chart. Here is a very brief and simplified overview of how each sign will be affected, courtesy of Dr. Michael Lennox (I paraphrased). Be sure to pay attention to both your sun and rising sign for you are influenced by both.

Aries: will have a wonderful experience of these energies – shifts and changes will be abundant, profound and easy - and will likely feel really good. (YAAAAAY ME).

Taurus: will feel this happening around them but not deeply in their own atmosphere. They will be forced to make choices to adapt yet those choices will not be around profound shifts and changes.

Gemini: will be in Opposition to the Trine, which means it will be hard work, yet will be harmonious and profound in a good way. Lots of inspiration and creativity with regards to structure and lessons.

Cancer: will have a challenging experience with this – goals will need to shift, major changes occur.

Leo: Fire, inspiration, passion, all good. (YAAAAAY ME AGAIN!!!!)

Virgo: will not have an easy time of it as things will happen suddenly, bluntly and will force new paths.

Libra: will have sudden, confrontational shifts - that are easily navigated.

Scorpio: will have drama, but not trauma.

Sagittarius: will use the Uranus energy well, but will get nailed by Saturn (lessons, structure).

Capricorn: will experience this as a Square, which is agitated energy that leads to good results.

Aquarius: will experience this as a Sextile, which is a productive, creative energy, leading to positive changes that feel good.

Pisces: will experience challenges but in a slow steady way. A good year to ‘chop wood, carry water’.  

Please realize that this is not ‘bad’ news for anyone. If you are one of this signs that will be harder hit this year, it simply means that you are being called to be more excellent than you’ve been previously. It doesn’t mean that you will be flattened; it means you will be charged with STANDING UP, TAKING AHOLD OF YOURSELF, DOING YOUR WORK WITH DILLIGENCE AND EXCELLENCE AND ROCKING THE SHIT OUT OF THIS OPPORUTNITY TO BE MORE. It’s like skiing, when you’re just gliding along on good snow and all is well in the world and then suddenly you hit a heinous patch of ice – and you are forced to hunker down, power up and really dig in those edges. You are a better skier for these moments, able to handle the worst of conditions. So be grateful you called in these challenges so that you could get better at winning life.

And speaking of winning life and Guru Jagat, her book “Invincible Living” just dropped and it is TREMENDOUS. Simple, clean, accessible and brilliant. I highly recommend it:   

https://www.amazon.com/Invincible-Living-Energy-Breath-Radiant/dp/0062414984

Be good, do your best, stay awake out there.

All Love.

ROAR UP IN HERE LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER

Well, here we are; November has been a bugger. The unthinkable is now the Reality. On election night, once the outcome was assured, I went to bed to mourn the lost possibility of a female president in 2016. I worked deeply in the dream time and awoke ready to face what I already knew. All signs pointed to Trump's victory despite my adamant refusal to see them. All planetary energies surrounding November 8th pointed toward surprises, the unexpected, chaos, eruptive violence. And so I moved myself into acceptance of what is. No us against them. No blame or shame; just a very weary "Ok, we did this. We elected this man. Why? And what now?" And then I took it into the personal - why do I find him so abhorrent? What about his words and actions trigger me? Why can't I hold his misogyny, racism, elitism, sexism, (ad nauseam isms)? First because I can't hold these things in myself  (yes, we all carry these energies) or in my loved ones and community around me. Second, and perhaps more importantly, because I wanted the easy way. I wanted the Age of Aquarius to roar up in here like a motherfucker, and just clear all that shit out of the way, so we can get on with the business of Love and Unity and Joy. And it doesn't work like that. Revolution and change are messy, bloody, hard. SLOW.

So the 3D world is the 'final frontier' for energy; by the time something rolls out in this dense reality, the energy has been in place for a while, creating in the unseen for who knows how long until it bursts into form. We have collectively been creating President Donald Trump for some time now. And we create on purpose, always. So why the Donald? These are questions each and everyone of us can take into our personal inquiry - we each have a very intimate relationship with the answers. One thought is that the collective has been calling for change in the way our government functions and Donald represents change FOR REAL. Hillary doesn't; despite her gender and election packaging, her energy is very much the status quo. And maybe any change is good, maybe Donald will get the energy moving (I fear in the opposite direction of Love) however it will at least be moving and movable. We can weave Love in ourselves. Another thought is that our leadership needs to get as obscene as possible so that we can be snapped out of complacency. An image arose from Sophia Coppola's "Marie Antoinette", wherein a young Marie, having recently been brought to France to marry the juvenile king, is awoken, dressed in outrageously rich garments and led to a vast hall featuring a twenty foot table laden with decadent foods of every sort - her and her husband's breakfast. The French people had been starving for nearly a generation; it took obscene decadence on the part of their leaders for them to finally stand up and say NO. And when they did, they were victorious; it was the end of the French monarchy. Perhaps Donald Trump is our Marie and maybe we need him so that we can be activated upon our path of evolution. The world needs us to be proactive in creating our collective future, for its very survival. So if you have been resting in the thought form that the government has it handled, how you feeling now? Still feel confident? Didn't think so. So now who needs to handle it? Hint: Us, every last one of us. (And I'm really hoping we've reached the pinnacle of obscene.)

So now what? The planetary energies for the remainder of the year are about dissolving dense thought forms like victimhood, confusion, fear, feelings of doubt and inadequacy and the urge to stick our heads even deeper in the sand. Thank God. We can't afford to do that another second. Another planetary theme is FREEDOM, for 'standing up with fire'. We're already seeing that happening all over this country, most notably at Standing Rock. Remember we are never fighting for our freedom; we already are free, it's our birthright. Our work is to recognize and release all illusions of bondage so that we can live in the truth of our freedom. The truth is POWERFUL and intelligent and will reveal the way toward Right Relationship with all, including ourselves and the planet. So now each and every one of us is invited to stand up. How do we do that? We do it in large and small ways. We do it by actively creating something different. We do it every single day by standing up for what's right. No more looking away. If you see injustice, call it out. If you see someone's rights being trampled, stand up for them. Stand up for yourself. Banish all the isms from your own hearts and thought patterns and hold others accountable for theirs. Accept only Unity, Community, Love, Respect, Tolerance, Responsibility, Sharing, One For All and All For One. Will yourself to see the wider Truth of this world. Those folks across the aisle who you call your enemies ARE YOU. When you make peace within yourself with what you hate about them, you will begin to be able to feel them. And when you feel them, you can establish connection, communication, empathy. And then co-creation is possible, from what unites us. We must create our beautiful future together - there is no other way forward.

          

Girrrrl Power

Greetings My People.

Ok, there is SO MUCH happening right now I hardly know where to start. The energies are all over the place (and so is this newsletter).

As always, I begin with my own experience because that is where it's most real for me. The planetary energies continue to have an overarching theme of the hidden becoming known, largely in ourselves and in relationship with our closest beloveds. I will share that my daughter's one year and eight month relationship ended suddenly and it opened a Pandora's box of goodies. I mean, WOW. A brief note about her experience, she was devastated for about three days and then she picked herself up and largely moved on. When the sadness circles back around as it does when she sees him with his new girlfriend, she deals. And then she moves on again. I am agog at her emotional deftness (at 15).

And what it opened up for me is surprisingly wide. First, it gave me the experience of witnessing someone hurting my kid right in front of me and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I remember when Nikki was about one, at a birthday party, sitting in a tiny sand box with a little boy. He grabbed a handful of sand and threw it straight in her face. She sputtered and gasped; sand was in her eyes, nose and mouth. I swooped her up and headed for the bathroom; I had to use all my strength to contain myself because what I really wanted to do was go pound that kid. I had to talk myself through what was an unbelievable amount of energy running through me. MAMA BEAR, straight up. (This was also the moment I realized that I could not protect my girl from the world because I was sitting right there and she still got hurt.)

And so this break-up thing happened and I got to be with my girl as she navigated flat-out grief. And nothing I could say or do could take it away. And as I struggled to be with the pain in her eyes and watch as circumstances amplified it again and again, I learned a lot about her and me. First, she's fierce as fuck. She has preternatural emotional intelligence, in the body of an almost sixteen year old girl who hasn't yet learned to control her impulses. It's eerie. Second, she's got herself handled. She can take care of herself. She doesn't need me or anyone to process or usher her through anything, heinous or otherwise. She's stronger than I am. And she knows how to make mistakes and recover from them. I get to sit back, handle my own shit, and simply watch, even when I know the choice she's making in that moment is not in her 'best' interest. (And let's not forget that 'worst' is sometimes 'best' in disguise.) Also, she got her driving permit about a week after the break-up and she's a crazy good driver. Apparently those years of living at the top of a mountain in Malibu, driving hours up and down that lunatic road every day seeped into her blood because she already knew how to drive. And driving has opened up a whole new level of maturity and responsibility in her and it's incredibly gratifying to witness. I can see the future her, the grown-up, and she's breath-taking.

As for me, so much. First, I still had some releasing to do around a similar break-up (out of the blue) I had right out of college. It knocked me on my ass (I was engaged to be married, newly in the Bay Area where I knew exactly one person, and he had just left me for another woman.) I've done a lot of work around that and yet here it was front and center, sitting right on my chest whenever I tried to sleep. Or breathe. I literally would wake in the night in physical pain, clutching my chest and would have to remind myself that my boyfriend did not just break up with me. It was intense and made more so by how surprising it was. So I did my work, cleared the next layer of grief around that break-up of thirty years ago so that I could be fully present to what was happening right here in 2016. (As an aside, in the cosmic knowing that time/space is an illusion and that everything is actually happening right now, it's not at all surprising that this energy was triggered. My body is however participating with the time/space thing so it was like WTF.) As I watched my girl navigate her experience, I noticed how often I wanted to step away from the pain of witnessing. And I didn't. I leaned in closer, stayed right with it, allowed it to be. And that shit was UNCOMFORTABLE. What I discovered in the discomfort was that I am kinda co-dependent with my girl, taking responsibility for her happiness; I was bummed that her boyfriend left her because for twenty months, he was responsible for her happiness - and now it was back on me. Except, oh right, SHE'S RESPONSIBLE FOR HER OWN HAPPINESS. Got it. This was huge as it let me release her, for real. She is her own universe, fully functional (and killing it.) Her life is her own. She does not belong to me. I can trust her with her own life, she's safe.

Second, I discovered that apparently, "When She Starts Driving" was a hidden switch in me that meant "She's Growing Up and Leaving Me." (Notice the co-dependent dove-tail.) I went into a bit of a tail-spin of 'Oh fuck, she's leaving'. And who am I going to be then? Because for almost sixteen years, when asked what I do, the answer's been "I'm a stay-at-home mom". What happens after that?? I was in this energetic trench for more than a week, just kind of keeping my head above water and walking around with the mantra of "Oh Fuck." And I stayed present with it, leaned in as it got even more uncomfortable, until I finally remembered: there are about a bazillion things I want to do when she goes off to college. Two bazillion even. And when I started remembering my options and dreaming of others, the energy instantly receded. I'm going to be just fine when she goes. And so is she.

Unbelievable gifts from a teenage break-up, WHO KNEW?!

As for us collectively, we have begun a new cycle energetically, marked by the Fall Equinox and for me personally with the Jewish High Holy Days. Through the fall we 'harvest' the gifts of the year, separating the wheat/jewels from the chaff/what wants to be discarded. We take stock of the year from a place of magnanimous neutrality; we own our wins and losses, integrating and incorporating the lessons/uplevelings and releasing the detritus of the creation/destruction cycle. Most of us aren't very good at the releasing part and yet it is crucial if we are to create anew from a place of Clarity. The seasons assist us in the Creation Cycle: Winter is a time of turning deeply inward, where we dream of the coming year, where we plant the seeds of what we will create for our lives in the next turning of the wheel. We nourish those seeds throughout the winter, checking in with our dreams, refining them, energizing them as only we know how. And then Spring arrives and we begin the outward movement of fruition. We prepare the ground, we nourish the soil, we do the work in the 3D. We take the steps we planned out in Winter. And the first buds appear. We water them, we listen to the vision of our dreams and we follow it by doing whatever it asks of us. We weave it into every choice - does this action serve my vision for my life? Throughout Spring our dreams grow and grow; by Summer they are in full bloom. We celebrate and partake in the rich abundance of fruition. We amplify what worked. And in fall we begin the separating and gratitude cycle. (Although Gratitude is a program we can run all year, as it's like rocket fuel for our dreams.) We are meant to complete the cycle in the late fall by de-constructing it; we are meant to release the waste to make way for the new. When we do this consciously, we become very effective creators.

The planetary energies of this fall will assist us in the destruction and releasing process, particularly with the masculine/feminine relationships that structure our world. Through the rise of the 'She Who Must Be Obeyed' version of the Divine Feminine, we must first stand in the face of what the feminine experience has been for millennia. (We are being afforded this experience in a very visceral way with our current presidential election.) We have accepted it, suffered for it, looked away, subverted it, made it okay. No more. We can no longer look away. We must allow the discomfort to reveal the path forward. (And the good news is our girls are already on that path, so the future is already brighter.) We must make it right for ourselves. No more bowing to what is not respectable. We must usher the masculine into a balanced, right relationship with the feminine. We will not do this by crushing the masculine; we will do this by being the living example of honoring both for truly our deepest wholeness lies in that balance. We no longer need to 'become men' to lead; we can be the fullness of the (unimaginable) power of the feminine without diminishing the power of the masculine. And we must create new structures of relationship that embody this.

First though, we have a shit-ton of individual and collective anger to release, so let's get to that. One of the best ways I know to release anger is this three minute meditation: (unfortunately you have to cut and paste)

https://youtu.be/tR7-RE7DFQQ (this one has an extended explanation of the kriya)

or

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXcdctEHdRA (this one gets to the point quite quickly).


This kriya flat out WORKS. I wish we taught it to kids in school.

So, release, release and release some more. Allow yourself to stand quietly in discomfort, lean in, listen. Discomfort has a lot to say if you allow it. Take a look at your relationship with yourself and your beloveds with regards to feminine/masculine. What does the Divine Feminine mean to you? Divine Masculine? Can you investigate and own the fullness of the feminine principle? Do you understand that the masculine has subverted the feminine for millennia because they are afraid of its outrageous power? Are you willing to discover and hold your own power - and wield it wisely?

As you embark on this path (and you must, life is demanding it) know that you are not alone. This is our collective path, all of humanity is responsible for our ascension to the next level of human possibility and interaction. We are the pilgrims and the pioneers, on the cusp of this very brand new age that is only now taking shape. We signed up for this, our souls are here on purpose for this specifically. Let's turn our attention away from the circus that is the dying patriarchal paradigm and concentrate on our unimaginably bright future...

You up for that?

The Good News Is...

Wow. So much is happening in the cosmic geometries, manifesting as life here in the 3D. Things have likely felt a bit nuts - for me personally I can testify that yes, A FULL BOWL OF NUTS. For many of us that has shown up as sudden break-ups of partnerships (romantic and otherwise) and an underlying sense of deep and somewhat terrifying energetics that are hard to put into words. It's simply an extra-crazy time here on planet Earth. The good news is we are offered a bit of relief, starting right now. Today is the New Moon in Libra (exact at 5:11pm PST), the so-called 'Black Moon' as it is the second New Moon in a calendar month. And today that feels exactly right, a Black Moon indeed. The upside is the New Moon always signals the end of one or more cycles and beginning of the new.

The cycle that has just ended is largely about completed soul contracts, which naturally lends itself to 'break-ups'. When we move through these experiences consciously, by allowing ourselves to fully feel the depth of emotions while honoring the value and purpose of the partnership, we can come out the other side 'clean' and increased by the engagement. Emotions in the 3D tend to get very sticky and they can literally gunk-up our emotional field; we know this is happening when we get stuck on a single thought form, when we just can't seem to let something go. We are creatures that are meant to flow, which means we are built to allow emotions to move through us, like water, to completely immerse us and then flow on by. When we allow this, we can receive the jewel of the experience (there is always a jewel) and not amplify or prolong our suffering. When we resist the pain by distracting ourselves, ignoring it, getting angry, trying to change outcomes, etc., we are simply prolonging the inevitable, or worse yet, we are burying it deep within us where it will fester and eventually make us sick.

Another way we create suffering is to make the break-up mean something about us, rather than just staying present to the emotions. There can be a lot of wisdom and information in our emotions. If our beloved or partner has left us because they felt 'smothered', we have the opportunity to look at that with an open mind and heart: What am I doing that can be perceived as over-bearing or smothering? Am I allowing an open exchange of ideas, opinions, outcomes, etc.? Am I dominating the conversation/relationship? Do I take others' feelings and needs into account? In this way we can get real with ourselves, learn something about ourselves and grow from the experience. Or we can make it mean that we are Domineering, Uncaring, Selfish. And we can move forward through life believing this about ourselves - a sure-fire recipe for relentless suffering.     

When moving through these emotionally charged experiences, self-care and self-love are crucial. We must stay present to our pain, bending our ear towards it, allowing it to express itself fully. This hurts and yet it is the fire we must walk through to reach the other side. So yes, sometimes we will be wailing and mourning, and we can support ourselves through this process in myriad ways. We can  reach out to other beloveds who are really good at holding us (not talking us out of our pain, or bashing our ex, etc.). We can journal, take baths, do yoga, do breathwork, study, have fun, whatever our go-to's are for feeling AUTHENTICALLY better. (This means getting drunk to forget about it is not doing us any favors.) And most importantly, we hold ourselves in the process, knowing it is a spiral journey; one day we will feel good, like we're moving past it and the next day we will feel wrecked again. That's how the spiral works, it's not a linear process.

So we honor the relationship/partnership, we honor the ending of the relationship/partnership, we honor ourselves and our (now ex) partners, we honor the totality of our human journey. We remember to lean into the deep unseen Perfection that is always at hand, always revealing itself as our lives. Most of us do not have the perspective to pull back far enough to see the genius patterns of our existence; if we could, we would see that every single aspect of our lives is perfect, on purpose, carefully and specifically created by us, for us, so that our souls may grow and we may know ourselves more fully as Love and Wholeness. We can keep this knowing close, even as we feel the fullness of pain our human experience sometimes affords.

(For the record, my beloved and I did not split. There have been several deeply impactful breakups around me, one so close it may as well have been mine. And it brought up the unfinished business of every break-up I've experienced, a gift for which I am eternally grateful.)

So today is a very good day to set Intentions for the coming year. The New Moon is in Libra with a Venus influence. Libra rules the mirrored consciousness - our charge to create the world we desire inside of us first and the outer world will (must) reflect it back to us. And Venus is about Love; we have spent much of this year being schooled on how to give, receive and BE Love. So we are called to set Intentions around creating a world that reflects back to us all the Love we can possibly receive. (Thank you for this Dr. Michael Lennox.) We are called to create balanced relationships, where we are giving and receiving equally, where there is an open flow of alert attentiveness and appreciation without need. (As an aside - Receiving is a practice that is very worthy of our attention. A lot of us are really bad at it and don't even know it. Maybe investigate that for yourself.)

This weekend also marks the beginning of the Jewish High Holidays, the beginning of the Jewish New Year. It is the time of year we take stock of the previous cycle, allowing ourselves to see what worked and what didn't, how we fell short, how we hurt ourselves and others. We admit our failings and shortcomings, we ask for forgiveness, we make amends. And then we dream the coming year - a sweeter year - into being.

Here's to all the Sweetness and Love you can hold <3

Still Falling

Bright Blessings Beloveds!! Well, we’re still in it. As of this writing we are just past the eclipse portal/wormhole that began at the beginning of September with the new moon solar eclipse and (mostly) culminated last Friday with the full moon lunar eclipse. The energy will be with us on some level until the new moon on October 1^st. The eclipse energies have been gigantic, for me at least. I have been in the washing machine of perspective, turning this way and that, sometimes upright, sometimes sideways, sometimes upside down, literally. I have had many AHA moments, when I am in an instant gifted with a pristinely clear view of something I have been trying to see for – in some cases – years. It’s been very freeing, for quite often the seeing brings release. I have said goodbye to a lot these past weeks.

Two themes have come forward repeatedly; Purification and Release. Purification has played out in raja yoga, lots of time in water, gong (playing and receiving), meditation, breath work, and exercise. And Release has come largely in the dream time. My mind and nervous system have been calm enough to simply stay present to what is happening, without making it mean anything, without needing to understand, although Clarity is abundantly present. In times like these, I stay as quiet as I can, eat as well as I can and sleep as much as I can. It’s really important to support ourselves as deeply as possible during these amplified energetic stretches. On last Friday’s full moon, I wrote down all that was/is releasing and included a few things I would consciously like to let go of and then burnt the pages in ceremony. And at the next full moon I will release those ashes into the wind during a full moon hike. (As an aside I HIGHLY RECOMMEND FULL MOON HIKES. Many of you have asked me how to ‘build’ magic in your everyday lives - full moon hikes are guaranteed magic. Grab a sister or two, head out to someplace familiar in Nature and simply take it in. If you can be close to moving water, even better. And the great news is you have an opportunity every single month to experience this!!).

As I wrote in my last newsletter, the energies of this eclipse season have allowed us to see hidden aspects of our past so that we can release it. When we release anything, it is important that we come from a place of gratitude, for our lives are our teachers, in every way. Every person we interact with whether in big or small ways, is our teacher. So we release with gratitude for the experience, grateful for the lesson regardless of how painful or difficult it may have been. We are honed by pain; our most difficult relationships are like sand, creating us as the pearl. When we hold this in consciousness, we are able to see and experience all of our relationships from an elevated perspective. Everyone, every single person in your life is with you for a reason – your soul has called them in on purpose. Find out what that purpose is and work with it; this will allow you to receive the fullness of the divine design you are creating and playing out as your life.

The current energies feature Mercury in retrograde, in Virgo, and the Fall Equinox today. Mercury represents our mind and when in retrograde, our minds are turned within, viewing our inner landscape. When the retrograde happens in an Earth sign (this year all of Mercury’s retrogrades are in Earth signs), our inner view is specifically oriented toward form and manifestation. How do we manifest our inspired ideas and heart’s desires? How do we live our dharma? Virgo represents the place in us that knows how all the moving parts work together harmoniously, so we are in deep instruction mode. Are you listening? Are you holding your fears with love and patience, gently acknowledging them as fear (as opposed to the truth) and then moving forward anyway? Quite often it is the child in us who is fearful; hold her close and let her know she is ok, that you’ve got her. And then do the thing that scares you. (I recently saw a great teaching around the word FEAR: Forget Everything And Run OR Face Everything And Rise. It’s your choice.) Realize that it’s not your job to know the whole picture, right now, today. It’s your job to know your dreams and desires and to listen to what the very next step is to serve them. You don’t need to know all the details of the divine plan that is your life; you need only remember that there is a divine plan (created by you, for you), that you can tune in with it regularly, and allow it to instruct you as to what to do next. After you do that one thing, tune in again to find out what’s after that. Let the infinite creativity of the Universe take care of the big picture. You just do you, authentically serving the highest out-picturing of your life right now. In this way, in small steps, you will find yourself on your dharmic path, delivering the good you came to embody.   

The Fall Equinox occurs today. This is when the sun (our consciousness) crosses the plane of the equator, creating a day with equal light and darkness. We in the northern hemisphere will  complete the cycle where there was more daylight than darkness, where we were more focused on the outer consciousness, the world, and doing/manifesting. This important balance point is a rest to our entire system, a moment to pause in stillness. Tomorrow we will head into the time when darkness increasingly rules the day, when we begin to turn within to receive the gifts of winter. But first we must reap the benefits of what we have sown this year – we harvest what has grown. More on that next month. For now see if you can create a little time today to simply pause and be. Sometimes when I do this, I lay down on the floor or ground, someplace with an interesting overhead view and I just allow my eyes to be with the shapes I see and use my breath to soften and relax my body. And I just lay there and rest. It’s quite wonderful.

Holding you all in the perfect light of Balance and Harmony.

Water, Eclipses, (Not) Seeking

Greetings Beloveds! I am recently back from nearly a month of traveling, catching up on life’s myriad details and ‘unpacking’ my experiences in the American South, Singapore and Bali. Three very different places, each with a unique energetic that triggered, revealed, delighted, inspired and soothed depending on the day. I spent a lot of time on, near and in water. I was fortunate to experience two different ceremonies with water in Bali, one at Pura Besakih, the Hindu ‘Mother’ temple which is more than one thousand years old, situated on the slopes of a vast volcano. We happened to visit on a festival day so the temple was filled with families who we joined in prayer and ceremony. There was a group of women sitting next to me on the ground – we were the only foreigners as far as we could tell – who asked our driver why we were there. He interpreted my answer (that we believe in and honor all gods), and the woman closest to me smiled broadly as she looked into my eyes. They included me in their group and I followed their actions as the priest came and blessed us each individually with water and rice. We prayed with flowers as offerings, which carries a sweetness that is hard to describe. Later in the trip we went to the family compound of a high priest where we partook in a Melacut, a purification and blessing with water. We arrived early which gave us an opportunity to watch the group before us perform their ritual, which was for the son’s birthday. Balinese people count ‘birthdays’ every six months from birth; the family goes to the local high priest to mark the occasion with a purification and blessing ceremony. The one with the birthday states his intentions during this ceremony and the priest sanctifies them. What a powerful practice!

Balinese people also have temples in their family compounds, which they make very ceremoniously beautiful. They pray with offerings every day, sometimes several times a day, and particularly when prayer is specifically called for, like when a family member is ill, or trying for a new job or making a journey. Their gods literally inhabit a physical form in their houses, allowing for an intimate and consistent relationship, which shows up in their energetic fields, hearts and faces. I have never seen such truly joyful people as those in Bali. It was very humbling!

One thing I came away with is how powerful it is to be a ‘householder’. In Kundalini, the everyday practitioner who has a job (or two) and maybe a family, who does daily sadhana and practice – however that looks - is considered a householder. A holy person with one foot firmly planted in the material world. I used to judge my daily practice -whether it was in fact daily, how long I spent, how deep I went, how ‘holy’ I felt, how much of a change I was making in the world. Now I just do what I do, with the purest heart and intentions I can muster. I am a householder, being my best. Some days I am not being my best and that’s okay too, as long as I am gentle with myself, and get up the next day and begin anew to be my best. My love and devotion for the Divine is unwavering; my God lives in my house. I am always aware on some level of my connection to the Whole, even when a greater part of me is momentarily captured by the material world. That’s what Bali felt like – a beautiful balance of chaos and peace, noise and silence, action and stillness. All wrapped in crazy, holy waters, flowers that hold the vibration of prayer, and smiles as wide as a face can hold.

Osho said “Don’t seek, don’t search, don’t ask, don’t knock, don’t demand. Relax. If you relax, it comes. If you relax, it is there. If you relax, you start vibrating with it.”

                                                                                              

Beginning in September, we have eclipse season, which is always a powerful time to get quiet and still so that we may benefit from the opportunities offered for Clarity, Illumination and Expansion. September 1^st (actually beginning at 11:15pm August 31^st, ending at 5:00am on September 1^st) is an annular or partial solar eclipse that happens on the New Moon in Virgo. While it will not be visible to us in North America, it is a revelatory moment, where we are offered clarity in a backward glance, toward our past, where we can perhaps gain understanding about who we’ve been, how we’ve operated and how our choices have created our lives now. This glance has the tone of a positive assessment, offering a leap forward in self-understanding and consciousness (as opposed to a wallowing in mis-takes). We can use this reality check to burn away any blocks or self-sabotaging behaviors that keep us from our brightest being. We can also use it to burn off toxicity, both physical and energetic, so consider a mini-cleanse and/or a sauna and/or a purification ceremony to support that process. Solar eclipses have the potential to sap us of physical vitality in the days prior (I feel like I’m already there) so it can be helpful to notice energy drains so that we can let those practices, behaviors, beliefs, foods, (people) go. In the outer world, as the hidden becomes revealed through this backward glance, it may ratchet up the intensity of the confusion, violence and imbalance we’ve been with globally for many months. As always, it is our path to hold the center by holding ourselves in stillness, in light, knowing the eternal truths of this world, of ourselves and all beings. Our consciousness matters and we must wield it with purpose, particularly at pivotal moments like eclipses.

The second eclipse of September happens on the 16^th (beginning 9:54am, ending 1:54pm), a penumbral or partial lunar eclipse that happens on the Full Moon in Leo. Again, it will not be visible in North America and yet we can feel its effects and work with its energy, which is similar to that of the solar eclipse. This one will offer us a moment of huge release – of old wounds and fears, allowing us an opportunity to transcend negative traits and patterns. Lunar eclipses affect us on a deep internal level, where we can facilitate substantial shifts in our hidden workings – a sea change as it were. Illumination is always an inside job, generated from within us, and then projected out into the world. This is just such a moment to fan the inner flame, particularly after we free ourselves of emotional and energetic gunk from the past. As always the moon affects us emotionally, and this eclipse will likely stir up hidden emotional triggers, which we can work with consciously to release. It’s important to stay as present as possible so that when we are triggered, we can notice and work with the what and the why of the trigger rather than just being triggered. When we can look past the phenomena of the trigger itself and figure out exactly what in us got triggered, we can begin to clear that energetic and thereby clear that trigger. This month will be an important time to be vigilant in this work! To support yourself, do whatever you can to be present. For me this means putting away my phone, staying away from screens, working with my breath and moving my body in a focused way. And of course a daily kundalini practice. Figure out whatever it means for you and commit to it. Work with the geometries, they can shift and perfect our fields in ways that are beyond language…