REVIEW, RE-DO, RENEW

Summer Blessings my Beloveds!

Well, we’re in full bloom here aren’t we? For some of us, this could mean full-blown frustration, aggravation and confusion, for others, life may be humming along beautifully. While the overarching energy for 2017 points towards new beginnings and action-oriented, fast manifestation cycles, we’ve had two eclipses occur in February within somewhat agitated geometries and many planets in retrograde, which can lend itself toward challenges. As I study the retrogrades of Venus, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune and Pluto, a common theme emerges – one of going back into our past and clearing stuff up. This includes things we haven’t yet allowed ourselves to see or acknowledge, as well as those we have. We are constantly changing and evolving which offers us (hopefully) an ever broadening perspective. Under the influences of these planetary retrogrades, we have the opportunity to go back into events from our past and re-do how we integrated them, what meaning we assigned them, why/how/where we stored them in our emotional bodies. The two upcoming retrogrades of Uranus and Neptune further support this work. So how do we go about this?

For me personally, I’ve been revisiting a timeline I wrote in 2011, as part of the Modern Day Priestess training program. I wrote down whatever memory or association that popped up for every year I’ve been alive. (This was no small undertaking). Some years are blank and others are pretty thick with clues to my psyche. I have also been revisiting old journals, which allows me to discern patterns and offer a fresh perspective on old ‘issues’. Some stuff simply melts away the moment I read about it which is an interesting sensation because it shows me how I store stuff in my energetic field even after I have emotionally resolved it. Apparently, we need to go back and also clear the imprint of it after resolution, like clearing smoke from a room. I have also been tuning in with my lineage in meditation and this is proving very rich. Whole cities of buried treasure revealing. We are so much more than we imagine.

July 1st, fast approaching, is the mid-point of the Gregorian calendar and we can use this energy to pause and decide what the second half of the year can be about. The multi-layered challenges should ease and we’ll have more access to the action-oriented creation patterns this year promised. What are you creating? Is it more of the suffering you’ve always created? Are you ready for something new? Then look back and clear the patterns of suffering you’ve been creating, because you’ve got to see them, hold them, love them, and integrate them before you can release them. And release brings a clarity and space for new creation patterns. If you are struggling to release something, you haven’t completed the pre-work; keep looking at it from as many different angles as you can manage, be like a private investigator and make it your main objective to find out. Once you’ve uncovered as much as you can hold, move on to the work of knowing it about yourself/owning it without judgement and then integrating it. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, reach out to a skilled facilitator who can lead you through it (I am one of those and also know many of those.

Now is the time to do this work, when the wind is at your back.

NOTES FROM NEW ZEALAND: AN ELECTION DIARY

Found this buried in my blog archive. I apparently never pressed "Publish" and in the aftermath was too verklempt (that's Yiddish for 'wrecked') to notice. Wanted to share...

 November 5th. I've only been here for a few days and yet I already have a sense of the heart of these people. Why? Because they present themselves authentically, immediately. Yesterday, to escape howling wind and sidewise rain (a typical Wellington spring day), Geoffrey and I wandered the Te Papa Museum, a colossal building housing national treasures, natural history and art. Our guide gave us an extended introduction in Maori, then translated it as the traditional greeting wherein one tells their name, where they came from, where they are now and where they are going. It's quite a lot of good information to know about oneself and share with everyone one meets. It feels like a very present, heart-centered way of being. Although we only scratched the surface of the Museum collections in a single day, the most profound thing we saw was a Maori marae, or community meeting place. This is a constructed a-frame 'house' that is entirely carved with figures that represent the community's spiritual beliefs and ancestors. There are figures that are guardians of the space and the people, figures that are the embodiment of their shared ancestors, about whom they carry stories from generation to generation. They have a deep and practical relationship with their ancestry and to the land from whence they came. They maintain responsibility to their lineage, and allow it inform their actions today. Can you imagine what would be possible under those circumstances? If every time a group of people met up to make some sort of group decision for the whole, they were literally held, supported and informed by their ancestors? That is a powerful practice! It also creates a sense of togetherness and oneness among the people for they share a common history and future. The first time we saw this type of 'meeting house' was years ago in Yap, Micronesia and while I wasn't thrilled with the notion that the houses were only for men, I was impressed by how knit together the community was. And now of course I realize there is a beautiful precision to how the masculine and feminine operates, and it is good for the men to meet alone. The feminine influences what goes on in those meeting houses through relationships to fathers, brothers, husbands and sons. The dance is always happening...

November 6th. It's amazing how many people I meet want to talk about the election. They are confused about how Donald Trump can be a contender and want me to make them feel better. I assure them that there is no way he can win, that Americans are smarter than that and yet I have my doubts. My time in the American South this summer opened up my (California Dreaming) eyes and I have a sense that we will elect this man who speaks to our basest natures and deepest illusions and fears. I don't really have any place to hold that, so I voraciously pray for Hillary's success. I will accept no other outcome. I am repeatedly torn between being glad I'm here in these days leading up to the election and feeling like I should be there, shoulder to shoulder with my people. I feel somewhat relieved to be out of the intensity and yet I am glued to Facebook and American news outlets, hungry for new polls and projections. I vacillate between feeling nervous and scared and being unbelievably calm, like the eye of a hurricane. Doing lots of Kundalini, lots of presencing practices, breath, prayer. God help us.

November 7th. A sunny day! I went to the Botanical Gardens - a sheer delight. I walked the whole way there (probably five miles), cutting through a network of pedestrian paved pathways that were named just like streets. Also cut through the University which had a very old, cool cemetery. Many sailors from downed ships. The garden itself was huge with lots of places to find oneself alone. I wandered and followed my nose to different areas, each with a completely different energy. Highlights were hiking in a vast vertical forest with moss-lined creeks running through and a small bonsai garden with the most astounding trees. They looked exactly like their full-grown brethren, except they were dwarf size. Had a lovely lunch in the restaurant overlooking the rose garden, eavesdropping on the conversations all around me. No matter where I am in the world, people talk about the exact same things.

November 8th. Raining sideways again. Ventured out and discovered I am entirely weary of being wet. Explored, found a few marginal 'museums', shopped unenthusiastically and went back to the hotel to witter the hours with movies. The election is tomorrow in the states. I am finding it difficult to breathe deeply.

November 9th. Spent the day with my stomach and throat clenched in knots, despite my efforts to relax them. I am literally beside myself. I have a very bad sense that this means complete disaster. Did all I could to distract myself, which is difficult given the near constant dark, blowing rain. I am glued to the computer most of the day, watching early results. Trump leads from the get-go.

Later: Geoffrey came back from work and convinced me to walk to dinner - which was a stellar meal, one of the best we've had here. Everyone at the restaurant was talking about the election. It is amazing to see how influential America is all around the world. When we get back to the hotel, it is inevitable that Trump will win. I cry quietly, tears rushing down my face. Geoffrey has no words of comfort and I resent him for being okay with this outcome. Just then Nikki face-times us and when she sees me, she says with surprise, "Are you CRYING??" Why is it a surprise I would cry about our country electing a man who stands for everything I abhor? He is mean, cruel, dishonest, ignorant and most dangerously, thinks he's right about everything. His heart seems tiny, like his hands. I know with a certainty history will prove his Presidency to be a COMPLETE DISASTER. And yet we have called him in, so there must be some long-term good that will come of it. I hope I get to see it in my lifetime. I am going to bed to cry myself to sleep. Perhaps the world will look different tomorrow.

WHALE MEDICINE

So we went to the whales and it was beyond anything I could have imagined. It was my first time leading 'sacred travel' which simply means going to an energetically powerful place and weaving ceremony, circles, shamanic practices, yoga and the like throughout the experience. Six women said Yes and with Dawn (who planned the whole thing logistically) and myself, we were eight. I had never been to Baja and I could feel it from the air as we landed - a very powerful place. I'm not entirely certain of the history of that land mass and there is a lot of energy there! We visited islands, lagoons, volcanos, ancient caves where ancestors drew their stories on impossibly high rock faces and finally the birthing waters of California Grey Whales. Along the way we breathed, made offerings and prayers, spun sacred geometries with the rising sun. We communed and danced, laughed and cried. We hiked into a vortex to connect with our ancestors and more deeply know our place within the mandala of life. Everywhere we were received with love and respect - from the land, the waters, the beautiful people of Mexico and perhaps most profoundly, the whales.

I was unsure how my nervous system would do, intimately holding a group of women I had never or barely met. In service to the trip (and myself), I did kundalini practice every day in the three months leading up to our departure. Each week I got quieter. And that stayed with me throughout the trip and is with me still. I did not need to fight fear or doubt or worry because it simply wasn't present. I could viscerally feel the trip before we went and it was very, very good; I merely allowed that to be. In the process I kind of disappeared; my personality, a miasma of wanting to be good, seen, recognized and...everything else the ego longs for, receded. I simply became the one who communed with the depths on behalf of the ones on the trip. And the women happily went deep with me, their angels, guides and ancestors celebrating in the unseen. I felt the cosmos itself receive us with gratitude.

When we got to the whales we were already open, dancing in the multi-dimensional spaces, primed. And the whales came up to our boat as promised, offering themselves up to give and receive love. It was surreal. It was so big in its goodness, I was literally pinching myself to stay present to take it all in. It was GIGANTIC ya'll.

Before our last boat trip, I prayed specifically for Mama whale to join us. We had seen plenty of mamas as they brought their babies to us, and I wanted one to stay close the way the babies did. And of course she came and stayed. Her energy was solid and still, a deep hum, so different from the babies. We were all overcome, yelling over and over "Mama! Mama!" And "We love you!!" There was so clearly an open channel between us of giving and receiving and she delivered a depth of Love that is hard to describe. It's with us still, our definition and understanding of Love stretched beyond return.

In the aftermath, Joy. I can feel it more palpably than ever. And Joy does not feel like the opposite of sadness like I imagined; it simply feels boundless and still, a sweet neutrality, over-lit and undergirded with a profound knowing that all is well. And so it is.

(photo credit: Dawn Feuerberg)

DARK GODDESS

I've been sitting with Beyoncé's Grammy performance for days, trying to find my way into language to express the places in me it touched; deep, secret places so powerful I am only just beginning to approach them. I'll begin by saying that for me, Beyoncé's 'Lemonade' film is a masterwork. She is a fierce being of strength and consciousness, who moved so authentically through an archetypal initiation of betrayal by the masculine, that she embodied the fullness of the Goddess herself for all to see. And because it was honest, it contains both the light and darkness of the Feminine Principle, unapologetically. I am literally in awe of her and this work.

As an aside, I believe she was largely passed over for awards for this very reason - this work is simply too real and intense for most. This was perfectly played out for me during the performance; while I was completely agog at what was unfolding on stage, two people I was with - a woman in her seventies and a pre-teen girl - were both expressing their displeasure (and likely deep discomfort) by saying, "Just dance Beyoncé. We like it better when you dance." Meanwhile she's up there laying down primal truth about the Feminine...

"Do you remember your birth? Are you thankful for the hips that cracked and the deep velvet of your mother and her mother.....and her mother?" Everything comes through the feminine; she is the generator and portal through which humans enter time/space in the third dimension. In her cosmic duties as womb, weaver of the golden thread that ties us together, dreamer and keeper of ever new potentialities for human evolution, she is physically beholden to the unseen realms. One eye towards Earth, one eye fixed on Heaven. And Hell. I do not believe in the traditional notions of these; Heaven for me encompasses endless dimensions of pure Love Light, which I know exist because I've been there. Hell is the opposite end of that spectrum, the absence of light, total density. Been there too. And in our creative power here on Earth, we manifest aspects of both in our lives as our lives. The Feminine is perfectly comfortable in both realms. In her highest expression (that we can imagine), she is the Divine Mother, essentially made of that pure Love Light, birthing us, loving us unconditionally, supporting and holding us through anything and everything without judgement. A bottomless heart. In her lowest expression (that we can imagine) she is pissed. She is actually beyond pissed - she is Anger itself, lashing out destructively, with vengeance, with power beyond imagining, burning it all down. We don't like to talk about her that way, I know. And yet.

Black Moon Lilith is a Dark Goddess archetype who represents the feminine shadow. There are many stories about her, one in particular calls her the first woman, pre-Eve. She was so powerful in her creative energy, Adam rejected and banished her. And then he fashioned Eve from his own body, a lesser, controllable energy. "You cut me in half," Beyoncé sings. Lilith embodies our reaction to subjugation - a dense collective burden from lifetimes of rage and despair. When crossed, Lilith fights back - she plots and manipulates, she emasculates, she destroys. In her album 'Lemonade', Beyoncé descends into this Hell, she dances with the Dark Goddess, she accepts both her own and her husband's dark side. She says, "Ok, I got it, life's messy and sticky and sometimes very fucked up." (I'm paraphrasing here.) And then the question becomes "Can I still love?" From the expanded place of holding the whole truth of herself and her beloved, the answer is Yes, which allows her to rise in Love, to embody the Divine Feminine, which can hold everything. A woman's heart is a bottomless ocean. (I think that's from Titanic.) And it's true.

And so we have this beautiful archetypal dance of light and shadow that we are engaged in, every day. How is it going? Are you friends with your darkest places? Do you lash out in anger? Do you seek revenge on the masculine? Do you emasculate? Do you allow yourself to sink to the depths to feel it all? And afterwards with eyes wide open, do you still choose love? Life can expand us this way, particularly the feminine, for this is an essential component of our Earth journey. And when we rise in love, we uplift all women, and create the possibility to collectively come whole to our men, allowing the masculine and feminine to join together in absolute balance. And from that place, as Beyoncé sings it, "You and me could move mountains."

Getting High On Our Own Supply

New Year Greetings and Blessings Beloveds!

 The weather here in Southern California is perfectly aligned with yesterday’s watery Full Moon in Cancer, a sort of dreamy, slow, inwardly facing moon – a perfect time to curl up with a cup of tea by the fire while the rain falls outside. I am fully engaged with Winter energy, taking to my bed right after dinner, reading, studying, writing from under the covers. It feels deeply nourishing and exactly what my system is calling for.

 Most humans had a challenging 2016. The Pluto-Uranus engagement of the past few years has left us bereft of our illusions, ways of hiding and habitual ways of dealing. We have been called to find new ways of seeing, being and living. Last year Saturn was sitting directly on top of most everyone’s head, telling us it was time to create a daily engagement with Spirit, whether through Yoga, Meditation, Breath, Study, etc. If you were obedient to Saturn’s demands, this year should find you functioning rather differently than you have in the past. If you have been resisting Saturn’s dictate for consistency in your practice, you will receive more of the same this year, except it will be even more uncomfortable to ignore what must be done. And what must be done? We must bring our A-Game. Why? Because we have been stripped bare, there is nowhere left to hide (except extreme addiction and the like.) Our only good option is to face the hard truths of our collective and individual shadow. We can no longer avoid the parts of ourselves (and others) that we don’t like. We cannot simply look away, back away, ignore; we must find a way to see, understand and even love what before we could not even acknowledge existed.

 On a personal level, this is a call for an engagement with radical self-love, self-understanding, self-forgiveness. Something I have found really helpful with this is the investigation of the archetypal self - our planetary base-line strengths, super-powers and proclivities along with our innate challenges and weak points. These can be quite easily revealed through an astrological chart reading, a numerology report and the like. These are easy, no-brainer tools that help us see and accept a wider picture of ourselves. When I had my numerology chart done, a whole new layer of “Oh, that’s why I have a tendency to do that” was revealed. It helps alleviate any self-loathing, blame or shame we have around our weaknesses; instead they become challenges we are tasked with overcoming in this lifetime, rather than self-fulfilling prophesies of doom that makes us feel shitty about ourselves. And by rising up and overcoming our pre-prescribed challenges, we are overcoming karma, fulfilling dharma and just generally leading a happier life. Another tool to developing self-love and acceptance is to consistently remind ourselves what we also are, the broader truth of us. We are unique and individualized radiations of Divine Energy; we are not separate from God, we are wholly One with It, we are LITERALLY made of It. This is a truth we must remind ourselves of again and again and again. It is imperative that we have some sort of practice wherein we feel this truth in our bodies and throughout our radiant fields regularly. I find this in kundalini yoga practice. I literally shower myself daily with the blessing of this knowing; I ‘get high on my own supply’ (-Guru Jagat). And my own supply is really, really good stuff.       

 On a collective level, we are also called to find new ways of seeing, being and living. An oppositional, Us versus Them mentality does not work. It gets us nowhere. (Or rather it gets us here, with our current Presidential Situation.) Time to know that our way is not the only way, that those ‘across the aisle’ also have hopes and dreams for humanity, although they have differing views on how to achieve them. At an energetic, heart and spirit-based level, we are all on the same team. Time to listen to those who think differently from us, with the goal of hearing and understanding, not convincing or proving anyone wrong or right. Time to throw all viewpoints into the center and see what holds water, what is in alignment with everyone’s needs and goals, what allows us to unite in common purpose. Time to keep our eyes and ears wide open, ALL THE TIME, for as awakened ones, we are the Guardians of Goodness and Right Relationship. We have been shown that our collective shadow harbors a lot of fear and separation and outright meanness. We get to be lighthouses of Goodness and Right Action, in order to counterbalance what is being held up as acceptable in our world right now. We will not do this by making anyone wrong; we will simply BE what is right. So live loudly in Kindness, Gentleness, Inclusion, Helpfulness, Tolerance, Peace. Make it so that your very presence makes others feel better. This is how we can each be in service to the world this year.

 Speaking of 2017, the energies of this year are varied, however two things stand out. The first and more gentler experience is a Venus Retrograde that happens from March 4^th – April 15^th. Venus changes signs during the Retrograde which means we are in for a double-edged lesson; one will feel lovely and the other will feel the opposite of lovely. Venus’s lesson is all about knowing how to give and receive Love so it will involve all of our relationships. Do what you can to dive deeply into opening your heart and allowing Love to teach you how to live from there. The second and deeper theme is a recurring Saturn-Uranus Trine, which indicates a cooperative and profound interaction between these two planets. They already had their first meet-up in December and will have two more encounters this year. This means we should be ready for anything, for anything can happen and probably will. The changes that come will be significant, structural shifts that will demand we evolve to incorporate them. (Uranus brings the lightening strike and Saturn says "You better shift yourself to deal with this.") This will be easier for some than others, depending on how these two planets interact with your birth chart. Here is a very brief and simplified overview of how each sign will be affected, courtesy of Dr. Michael Lennox (I paraphrased). Be sure to pay attention to both your sun and rising sign for you are influenced by both.

Aries: will have a wonderful experience of these energies – shifts and changes will be abundant, profound and easy - and will likely feel really good. (YAAAAAY ME).

Taurus: will feel this happening around them but not deeply in their own atmosphere. They will be forced to make choices to adapt yet those choices will not be around profound shifts and changes.

Gemini: will be in Opposition to the Trine, which means it will be hard work, yet will be harmonious and profound in a good way. Lots of inspiration and creativity with regards to structure and lessons.

Cancer: will have a challenging experience with this – goals will need to shift, major changes occur.

Leo: Fire, inspiration, passion, all good. (YAAAAAY ME AGAIN!!!!)

Virgo: will not have an easy time of it as things will happen suddenly, bluntly and will force new paths.

Libra: will have sudden, confrontational shifts - that are easily navigated.

Scorpio: will have drama, but not trauma.

Sagittarius: will use the Uranus energy well, but will get nailed by Saturn (lessons, structure).

Capricorn: will experience this as a Square, which is agitated energy that leads to good results.

Aquarius: will experience this as a Sextile, which is a productive, creative energy, leading to positive changes that feel good.

Pisces: will experience challenges but in a slow steady way. A good year to ‘chop wood, carry water’.  

Please realize that this is not ‘bad’ news for anyone. If you are one of this signs that will be harder hit this year, it simply means that you are being called to be more excellent than you’ve been previously. It doesn’t mean that you will be flattened; it means you will be charged with STANDING UP, TAKING AHOLD OF YOURSELF, DOING YOUR WORK WITH DILLIGENCE AND EXCELLENCE AND ROCKING THE SHIT OUT OF THIS OPPORUTNITY TO BE MORE. It’s like skiing, when you’re just gliding along on good snow and all is well in the world and then suddenly you hit a heinous patch of ice – and you are forced to hunker down, power up and really dig in those edges. You are a better skier for these moments, able to handle the worst of conditions. So be grateful you called in these challenges so that you could get better at winning life.

And speaking of winning life and Guru Jagat, her book “Invincible Living” just dropped and it is TREMENDOUS. Simple, clean, accessible and brilliant. I highly recommend it:   

https://www.amazon.com/Invincible-Living-Energy-Breath-Radiant/dp/0062414984

Be good, do your best, stay awake out there.

All Love.

ROAR UP IN HERE LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER

Well, here we are; November has been a bugger. The unthinkable is now the Reality. On election night, once the outcome was assured, I went to bed to mourn the lost possibility of a female president in 2016. I worked deeply in the dream time and awoke ready to face what I already knew. All signs pointed to Trump's victory despite my adamant refusal to see them. All planetary energies surrounding November 8th pointed toward surprises, the unexpected, chaos, eruptive violence. And so I moved myself into acceptance of what is. No us against them. No blame or shame; just a very weary "Ok, we did this. We elected this man. Why? And what now?" And then I took it into the personal - why do I find him so abhorrent? What about his words and actions trigger me? Why can't I hold his misogyny, racism, elitism, sexism, (ad nauseam isms)? First because I can't hold these things in myself  (yes, we all carry these energies) or in my loved ones and community around me. Second, and perhaps more importantly, because I wanted the easy way. I wanted the Age of Aquarius to roar up in here like a motherfucker, and just clear all that shit out of the way, so we can get on with the business of Love and Unity and Joy. And it doesn't work like that. Revolution and change are messy, bloody, hard. SLOW.

So the 3D world is the 'final frontier' for energy; by the time something rolls out in this dense reality, the energy has been in place for a while, creating in the unseen for who knows how long until it bursts into form. We have collectively been creating President Donald Trump for some time now. And we create on purpose, always. So why the Donald? These are questions each and everyone of us can take into our personal inquiry - we each have a very intimate relationship with the answers. One thought is that the collective has been calling for change in the way our government functions and Donald represents change FOR REAL. Hillary doesn't; despite her gender and election packaging, her energy is very much the status quo. And maybe any change is good, maybe Donald will get the energy moving (I fear in the opposite direction of Love) however it will at least be moving and movable. We can weave Love in ourselves. Another thought is that our leadership needs to get as obscene as possible so that we can be snapped out of complacency. An image arose from Sophia Coppola's "Marie Antoinette", wherein a young Marie, having recently been brought to France to marry the juvenile king, is awoken, dressed in outrageously rich garments and led to a vast hall featuring a twenty foot table laden with decadent foods of every sort - her and her husband's breakfast. The French people had been starving for nearly a generation; it took obscene decadence on the part of their leaders for them to finally stand up and say NO. And when they did, they were victorious; it was the end of the French monarchy. Perhaps Donald Trump is our Marie and maybe we need him so that we can be activated upon our path of evolution. The world needs us to be proactive in creating our collective future, for its very survival. So if you have been resting in the thought form that the government has it handled, how you feeling now? Still feel confident? Didn't think so. So now who needs to handle it? Hint: Us, every last one of us. (And I'm really hoping we've reached the pinnacle of obscene.)

So now what? The planetary energies for the remainder of the year are about dissolving dense thought forms like victimhood, confusion, fear, feelings of doubt and inadequacy and the urge to stick our heads even deeper in the sand. Thank God. We can't afford to do that another second. Another planetary theme is FREEDOM, for 'standing up with fire'. We're already seeing that happening all over this country, most notably at Standing Rock. Remember we are never fighting for our freedom; we already are free, it's our birthright. Our work is to recognize and release all illusions of bondage so that we can live in the truth of our freedom. The truth is POWERFUL and intelligent and will reveal the way toward Right Relationship with all, including ourselves and the planet. So now each and every one of us is invited to stand up. How do we do that? We do it in large and small ways. We do it by actively creating something different. We do it every single day by standing up for what's right. No more looking away. If you see injustice, call it out. If you see someone's rights being trampled, stand up for them. Stand up for yourself. Banish all the isms from your own hearts and thought patterns and hold others accountable for theirs. Accept only Unity, Community, Love, Respect, Tolerance, Responsibility, Sharing, One For All and All For One. Will yourself to see the wider Truth of this world. Those folks across the aisle who you call your enemies ARE YOU. When you make peace within yourself with what you hate about them, you will begin to be able to feel them. And when you feel them, you can establish connection, communication, empathy. And then co-creation is possible, from what unites us. We must create our beautiful future together - there is no other way forward.

          

Girrrrl Power

Greetings My People.

Ok, there is SO MUCH happening right now I hardly know where to start. The energies are all over the place (and so is this newsletter).

As always, I begin with my own experience because that is where it's most real for me. The planetary energies continue to have an overarching theme of the hidden becoming known, largely in ourselves and in relationship with our closest beloveds. I will share that my daughter's one year and eight month relationship ended suddenly and it opened a Pandora's box of goodies. I mean, WOW. A brief note about her experience, she was devastated for about three days and then she picked herself up and largely moved on. When the sadness circles back around as it does when she sees him with his new girlfriend, she deals. And then she moves on again. I am agog at her emotional deftness (at 15).

And what it opened up for me is surprisingly wide. First, it gave me the experience of witnessing someone hurting my kid right in front of me and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I remember when Nikki was about one, at a birthday party, sitting in a tiny sand box with a little boy. He grabbed a handful of sand and threw it straight in her face. She sputtered and gasped; sand was in her eyes, nose and mouth. I swooped her up and headed for the bathroom; I had to use all my strength to contain myself because what I really wanted to do was go pound that kid. I had to talk myself through what was an unbelievable amount of energy running through me. MAMA BEAR, straight up. (This was also the moment I realized that I could not protect my girl from the world because I was sitting right there and she still got hurt.)

And so this break-up thing happened and I got to be with my girl as she navigated flat-out grief. And nothing I could say or do could take it away. And as I struggled to be with the pain in her eyes and watch as circumstances amplified it again and again, I learned a lot about her and me. First, she's fierce as fuck. She has preternatural emotional intelligence, in the body of an almost sixteen year old girl who hasn't yet learned to control her impulses. It's eerie. Second, she's got herself handled. She can take care of herself. She doesn't need me or anyone to process or usher her through anything, heinous or otherwise. She's stronger than I am. And she knows how to make mistakes and recover from them. I get to sit back, handle my own shit, and simply watch, even when I know the choice she's making in that moment is not in her 'best' interest. (And let's not forget that 'worst' is sometimes 'best' in disguise.) Also, she got her driving permit about a week after the break-up and she's a crazy good driver. Apparently those years of living at the top of a mountain in Malibu, driving hours up and down that lunatic road every day seeped into her blood because she already knew how to drive. And driving has opened up a whole new level of maturity and responsibility in her and it's incredibly gratifying to witness. I can see the future her, the grown-up, and she's breath-taking.

As for me, so much. First, I still had some releasing to do around a similar break-up (out of the blue) I had right out of college. It knocked me on my ass (I was engaged to be married, newly in the Bay Area where I knew exactly one person, and he had just left me for another woman.) I've done a lot of work around that and yet here it was front and center, sitting right on my chest whenever I tried to sleep. Or breathe. I literally would wake in the night in physical pain, clutching my chest and would have to remind myself that my boyfriend did not just break up with me. It was intense and made more so by how surprising it was. So I did my work, cleared the next layer of grief around that break-up of thirty years ago so that I could be fully present to what was happening right here in 2016. (As an aside, in the cosmic knowing that time/space is an illusion and that everything is actually happening right now, it's not at all surprising that this energy was triggered. My body is however participating with the time/space thing so it was like WTF.) As I watched my girl navigate her experience, I noticed how often I wanted to step away from the pain of witnessing. And I didn't. I leaned in closer, stayed right with it, allowed it to be. And that shit was UNCOMFORTABLE. What I discovered in the discomfort was that I am kinda co-dependent with my girl, taking responsibility for her happiness; I was bummed that her boyfriend left her because for twenty months, he was responsible for her happiness - and now it was back on me. Except, oh right, SHE'S RESPONSIBLE FOR HER OWN HAPPINESS. Got it. This was huge as it let me release her, for real. She is her own universe, fully functional (and killing it.) Her life is her own. She does not belong to me. I can trust her with her own life, she's safe.

Second, I discovered that apparently, "When She Starts Driving" was a hidden switch in me that meant "She's Growing Up and Leaving Me." (Notice the co-dependent dove-tail.) I went into a bit of a tail-spin of 'Oh fuck, she's leaving'. And who am I going to be then? Because for almost sixteen years, when asked what I do, the answer's been "I'm a stay-at-home mom". What happens after that?? I was in this energetic trench for more than a week, just kind of keeping my head above water and walking around with the mantra of "Oh Fuck." And I stayed present with it, leaned in as it got even more uncomfortable, until I finally remembered: there are about a bazillion things I want to do when she goes off to college. Two bazillion even. And when I started remembering my options and dreaming of others, the energy instantly receded. I'm going to be just fine when she goes. And so is she.

Unbelievable gifts from a teenage break-up, WHO KNEW?!

As for us collectively, we have begun a new cycle energetically, marked by the Fall Equinox and for me personally with the Jewish High Holy Days. Through the fall we 'harvest' the gifts of the year, separating the wheat/jewels from the chaff/what wants to be discarded. We take stock of the year from a place of magnanimous neutrality; we own our wins and losses, integrating and incorporating the lessons/uplevelings and releasing the detritus of the creation/destruction cycle. Most of us aren't very good at the releasing part and yet it is crucial if we are to create anew from a place of Clarity. The seasons assist us in the Creation Cycle: Winter is a time of turning deeply inward, where we dream of the coming year, where we plant the seeds of what we will create for our lives in the next turning of the wheel. We nourish those seeds throughout the winter, checking in with our dreams, refining them, energizing them as only we know how. And then Spring arrives and we begin the outward movement of fruition. We prepare the ground, we nourish the soil, we do the work in the 3D. We take the steps we planned out in Winter. And the first buds appear. We water them, we listen to the vision of our dreams and we follow it by doing whatever it asks of us. We weave it into every choice - does this action serve my vision for my life? Throughout Spring our dreams grow and grow; by Summer they are in full bloom. We celebrate and partake in the rich abundance of fruition. We amplify what worked. And in fall we begin the separating and gratitude cycle. (Although Gratitude is a program we can run all year, as it's like rocket fuel for our dreams.) We are meant to complete the cycle in the late fall by de-constructing it; we are meant to release the waste to make way for the new. When we do this consciously, we become very effective creators.

The planetary energies of this fall will assist us in the destruction and releasing process, particularly with the masculine/feminine relationships that structure our world. Through the rise of the 'She Who Must Be Obeyed' version of the Divine Feminine, we must first stand in the face of what the feminine experience has been for millennia. (We are being afforded this experience in a very visceral way with our current presidential election.) We have accepted it, suffered for it, looked away, subverted it, made it okay. No more. We can no longer look away. We must allow the discomfort to reveal the path forward. (And the good news is our girls are already on that path, so the future is already brighter.) We must make it right for ourselves. No more bowing to what is not respectable. We must usher the masculine into a balanced, right relationship with the feminine. We will not do this by crushing the masculine; we will do this by being the living example of honoring both for truly our deepest wholeness lies in that balance. We no longer need to 'become men' to lead; we can be the fullness of the (unimaginable) power of the feminine without diminishing the power of the masculine. And we must create new structures of relationship that embody this.

First though, we have a shit-ton of individual and collective anger to release, so let's get to that. One of the best ways I know to release anger is this three minute meditation: (unfortunately you have to cut and paste)

https://youtu.be/tR7-RE7DFQQ (this one has an extended explanation of the kriya)

or

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXcdctEHdRA (this one gets to the point quite quickly).


This kriya flat out WORKS. I wish we taught it to kids in school.

So, release, release and release some more. Allow yourself to stand quietly in discomfort, lean in, listen. Discomfort has a lot to say if you allow it. Take a look at your relationship with yourself and your beloveds with regards to feminine/masculine. What does the Divine Feminine mean to you? Divine Masculine? Can you investigate and own the fullness of the feminine principle? Do you understand that the masculine has subverted the feminine for millennia because they are afraid of its outrageous power? Are you willing to discover and hold your own power - and wield it wisely?

As you embark on this path (and you must, life is demanding it) know that you are not alone. This is our collective path, all of humanity is responsible for our ascension to the next level of human possibility and interaction. We are the pilgrims and the pioneers, on the cusp of this very brand new age that is only now taking shape. We signed up for this, our souls are here on purpose for this specifically. Let's turn our attention away from the circus that is the dying patriarchal paradigm and concentrate on our unimaginably bright future...

You up for that?