WE HOLD THIS POSE

Spring Greetings my Beloveds. I hope this finds you celebrating the new growth, beauty and promise of abundance that Spring brings. Here on Westlake Island, the roses are blooming as big as my face, in colors so saturated, cameras can’t record them. Amazing what a long drink of water (after years of drought) does for flowering plants, WOW!!

We have moved out of Aries season and into Taurus. Aries is the first sign, the top of the wheel, the thrust into form after the dream-state of Pisces. Aries is the energy of spring; it takes an abundance of force to break through the ground, from dark earth to pure sunlight. When the seed of our ever-evolving self is ‘underground’, it’s gathering energy for the coming thrust as well as dreaming the future by infusing the seed with desire; that desire literally tells the seed how to bloom and what to bloom into. In Taurus, the newly emerged plant grows deep roots. As it’s reaching upwards, it’s also reaching downwards, stabilizing itself for a sustainable bloom. In Taurus, the dream gets grounded for the long haul.

We’ve long known that this time on planet Earth would be a time of great upheaval, as we took the collective concepts, structures and thought forms of the Patriarchy (deeply nurtured by the lower aspects of the Piscean era) to their enth degree, playing it out as far as it could possibly go. For me, electing a US President who is so blatantly and unapologetically misogynist and racist/white supremist is a pure demonstration of this. No more words needed on that. And as this last wave of the Patriarchy reveals itself (in plain sight now, for we are in the era of transparency thanks in part to technology), so also is the Feminine wave gathering strength and momentum. The Feminine wave is not at all about feminine versus masculine. The Feminine wave is about all humans reclaiming an understanding and relationship with our feminine natures. The Feminine is inclusive, non-hierarchical, holistic, creative, emotive, passionate, compassionate, loving, real, grounded, holy, sacred. We have not been living in a world where this energy was welcomed or celebrated. We’ve been living in an era where women (and men) were killed in horrible ways for daring to embody the Divine Feminine, for expressing the immovable strength and boundless depth inherent in the Feminine. The Feminine needed to be suppressed so that the Patriarchy could arise. And clearly we all dreamed it into being collectively, for the lessons it brought, in service to God’s evolution. And so we’ve been living – and adapting – to a masculine-driven world in every sense of the word. Recently I saw a snippet of footage that reminded me of something I would have seen in science class as a kid. It was a time-lapse film of a tree blooming, with a man’s voice narrating in the background, a very dry, factual explanation of Spring. It kind of made me giggle because it was such an exclusively masculine expression. I asked myself what a feminine version would look like and what came forward was a classroom in a park, children leaning their backs against trees and meditating, interacting with and celebrating the flowers, dancing around giving thanks for the Sun, soil, rain, bees, wind and everything else that contributes to the Earth’s rebirth each Spring. Giving thanks to the Earth for it’s boundless bounty that feeds us, literally. Each child would have the opportunity to express about how Spring was also happening inside of them, in their own lives as well as in the collective. A sharing circle. This is the Feminine. Probably the ‘right’ way to teach kids about Spring lies half-way between these two paradigms, incorporating both energies. This is the new world we seek to create – a balance of both.

How do we serve this emerging paradigm? Let’s begin with how we don’t serve it – by vilifying and emasculating the Masculine, or pounding a Feminine agenda into their faces. So much of the ‘Women’s Liberation’ movement I witnessed as a girl was about women embodying their masculine in order to gain a seat at the table - Hillary Clinton comes to mind. That movement ultimately failed in truly liberating women because as the end of the day, they were still women, trying to win at a man’s game. The toxic feminine also plays the game, seeking to rise by (covertly) engineering a Masculine fall. Forced underground for centuries, the toxic feminine evolved into its lowest expression - creating drama rather than possibilities, emasculating rather that coming up under in support, gossiping and undermining one another, in competition for the male gaze. Vying for rather than sharing power.

The rise of the Divine Feminine is a much deeper engagement – it is the conscious embodiment of the Feminine Principle, against nothing and no one, no competition, no game. The Feminine rises alongside the Masculine, as its necessary counterbalance and co-creator. This is a process that occurs internally, within each of us; as we each forgive the toxic masculine within ourselves, forgiveness reigns in the collective. As we each forgive the toxic feminine within us, forgiveness reigns in the collective. As we locate, remember and embody the Divine Feminine within us, the Divine Feminine reigns in the collective, thus birthing the rise of the Divine Masculine, in ourselves first, and then mirrored in the world. As women, we lead this era. It comes through us as EVERYTHING IS BIRTHED THROUGH THE FEMININE. So we serve this by doing Women’s work. We release our individual and collective anger from a sense of responsibility, not victimhood. Nothing happened to us, we subscribed to it energetically or we wouldn’t be here. We broaden our perspective as far as we can, take in as much of the story as we can hold, acknowledge our part in it, forgive ourselves and all other players, ground the anger into the earth (as opposed to projecting it onto perceived ‘perpetrators’) and clear our shit. And at the same time, we enter into a seriously committed relationship with the Divine Feminine. We actively seek to understand and embody the aspects of the Feminine Principle (see above) and we devote ourselves to this relationship, understanding and holding its nature as holy and sacred in our lives. We hold ourselves as holy and sacred. We learn to emote, to dance, to invite in the fullness of any situation, softening our bodies in the face of everything, so that our sacred hearts are leading – and showing what Love does. We hold this pose regardless of what’s going on around us. We hold this pose. And when enough of us are doing this, embodying this frequency, allowing the Divine Feminine to flow through us into the world like life-giving blood, the world will awaken. The sustained frequency will demand it. In the blink of an eye, we will all know Oneness. In the blink of an eye, we will be unable to harm one another, unable to harm Earth’s creatures, unable to harm Earth itself. In the blink of an eye, Love will reign, unequivocally. This is what we work towards. This is what we came for.

(If you want more information on the mechanics of how this works, read here http://www.wowzone.com/monkey.htm)

PRETTY STOKED FOR HUMANS

Beloved Soul Family! My heart is full at this full Moon (exact exactly 42 minutes ago as I write this) with Gratitude for this community and all the healing + revealing in our soul collective. I feel each of you all the time and am always holding you in Love Absolute, cheering you on, nudging you (occasionally) and essentially basking in your magnificent soul light. The planet itself is grateful that you are on the front lines of this consciousness shift, actively raising your frequency and training yourself to hold and transmit the higher collective frequencies that are activating now on Planet Earth.

Speaking of activation, WE ARE IN IT. The biggest story astrologically is Chiron moving from Pisces into Aries, where he’ll remain for 8 years. I’ve been with this for some time now, as my natal Chiron is at 29 degrees Pisces, so this is an energy I’ve chosen to work with deeply in this lifetime. Chiron is a minor planet in the outer solar system which holds the archetypal vibration of the centaur, half-man, half-horse. He suffered a fatal wound but being immortal, was doomed to suffer eternally. His pain drove him to seek relief, which put him on a wisdom path, wherein he ultimately became a healer - the Wounded Healer. My path has followed a similar trajectory, just as my soul planned and mapped out in my natal planetary geometry. Pisces is dreamy, creative, mystical, compassionate, and ruled by Pluto, Lord of the Underworld or sub/unconscious mind. Chiron has been traveling through Pisces for much of the past decade, bringing our collective healing journey into the untapped depths of our sub and unconscious minds, ultimately stirring up the muck at the bottom, with an assist from the Pluto/Uranus Square of 2011-2016. (I’ve written much about the Pluto/Uranus Square.) We’ve likely been wildly uncomfortable through this transit because on one level we couldn’t even fathom what was happening within the dreamy surreal Piscean inner landscape and on another level we knew whatever was happening was ultimately for our benefit. It hasn’t felt good to say the least, but the healing’s been happening, evidenced all around us, in all aspects of our evolutionary journey.

And now Chiron moves from this interior, shadowlands scenario into Aries, the first sign of the astrological wheel, where we burst forth into the 3D realm with fire, initiatory energy, ready to conquer any mountain. The ram puts its head down and just GOES. It breaks through any barrier, fueled by passion, carried by its innate powerfully-forward trajectory. I also understand this energy as my Sun (and Mercury) are in Aries. Much of my everyday work in this lifetime is to tame and direct the Aries passion or it simply carries me away, off to fight windmills for the fun of it. Aries is strong, a fearless warrior; in its highest expression, it’s the Emperor in the Tarot. The Emperor is the Yang Divine Masculine, the benevolent leader, the responsible creator, who thinks for the Whole, who provides a safe, grounded container for the collective. The Emperor is mature, a leader who has transcended ego gratification and only thinks in terms of ‘We’. This is most excellent news! As we’ve progressed through Chiron in Pisces, doing our inner healing work both individually and collectively, we’ve readied ourselves for this moment, grown ourselves up as it were, to move into new territory. And so we find ourselves in the broad light of day, where we link arms and move forward together, in transparency, with open hearts, for the good of all, no matter what. No more withholding good from others, no more using our spiritual journey to gain power or the upper hand over others, no more commodifying spiritual wisdom. Everything is now available to everyone. And with the Divine Masculine coming into balance with the awakened Feminine, we get to access the process of creation from both sides of ourselves. As we all have both feminine and masculine energies within us, we get to heal our wounded masculine through our healed feminine and step into being the badass creator gods we came here to be – dreaming from the fertile void of the feminine, grounding into the 3D through the inspired action of the masculine. All in the crystal clear light of a new day in the Age of Aquarius. 

So. Healing will look very different. It already does. We will all recognize that we are our own best healers, and our very best bet is to get quiet and tune inward. We already intuitively know exactly what we need to heal and come into balance. And we will do this work in community, as in I’ll be a loving, safe mirror for you to see yourself and you’ll be the same for me. We’ll truly walk each other home. Sometimes our own best knowing is about intuiting where healing lies for us. I’ve been going to Ojai weekly for acupuncture for the better part of a year and throughout my husband would say, “You’re going to Ojai again? I thought your _______ was better.” And I would still go, week after week, sometimes not knowing why I was going, just that it was right that I was going. And after a pretty good while, I began to understand. I go to Ojai for acupuncture because my Chinese Medicine Doctor (my beloved Tara Matthews at SoulBodyOjai) understands Balance way better than me. She’s fluent in the very subtle language of the body, so each week my body shows her where I’m out of balance and she gently restores it. Week after week. And I’ve never felt better in my life. (My husband has stopped questioning the weekly acupuncture.) 

In this new cycle (essentially a 40 year cycle), we’ll remember the body’s own extraordinary healing powers and the Earth’s innate healing power. We’ll remember the miraculous medicine of plants. We’ll recognize that we are whole, just as we are, and we don’t need that food, dress, car, friend, lifestyle, ______,  in order to feel good about ourselves. We’ll easily see through the illusions the age of Pisces offered up as real life. Absolutely everything will change! In this fast moving Aries energy, we won’t be compelled to look back and reference what has come before. I’ve noticed this of my daughter’s generation since she was very young – they’re not at all interested in the past – they keep their focus firmly forward. What that means for healing modalities I don’t know and I’m excited to find out. What I do know is that healing will be easy and instantaneous. What I also know is that the planetary frequency has upleveled significantly since the last eclipse in January, and there is a clear, pure vibration that appears to be universally available now. It feels quite easy and natural to align to really anything one desires. When I walk my dog, I can easily and quickly attune my frequency to a flower, or tree, the sky, clouds, water, whatever. And it’s normal, familiar and really really nutritious. And what underlies so many of these Nature frequencies is Joy. Just pure simple Joy. I am remembering about Relationship, how absolutely everything is in relationship with everything else. When I walk, my feet are in relationship with my shoes, which are in relationship with the earth. My ears are in relationship with the wind. My breath is in relationship with my lungs and my lungs with my entire body. When I place my attention on these relationships, I feel the golden threads that bind everything together. I feel how if I move my arm just so, the whole field shimmers with delight. It’s quite amazing. And yet completely ordinary.

So I’m pretty excited to be alive right now. Pretty stoked for humans and the earth and all sentient beings. Life is an unspeakably precious gift and I’m so grateful to share it with you.

TSUNAMIS OF HEALING

And here we are again, bobbing in rough surf, at least here in Southern California. So much has transpired since Venus went Retrograde on October 5th - I don't even know where to begin. I recently had an astrologer friend reach out because she had a look at my chart and saw some major intensity around Neptune transiting my natal Chiron (the wounded healer) among various other aspects. She sent me a Google search detailing what that might mean in my experience and its surgical precision took my breath away. It was EXACT to my experience, a simple, clinical description of outrageous internal upheaval and healing that's been the overarching theme of my life lately. My friend also suggested I google Pluto transiting the 12th House in Capricorn, because that's also happening for me. We are all experiencing Pluto transiting Capricorn - it began in 2008 and won't end until 2023. I found a great website called 'thoughtco.com' which describes a Pluto transit like this:

"Pluto has a fearsome reputation because the changes it brings are so deep and total. Pluto transits strip us to the core, where we rebuild on a foundation of something that feels real. The ultimate end game of Pluto is to dig out inner treasures and purge what's inauthentic, sometimes through a psychic death and rebirth. It the inside-out change from facing core fears and transforming wounds into greatest strengths."

In Capricorn, Pluto will change everything about our systems of power and control, how we do things, what life looks like. It will destroy and rebirth the very structure of our reality. Each of us will be experiencing this through the lens of a different 'House', which is determined by your natal (birth) chart. I'm experiencing this transit in my 12th house, which thoughtco.com describes this way:

"(In the 12th house) Pluto takes its light into the vast zones of the psyche usually veiled -- sometimes even to ourselves. Revelations become the norm, as what's been unconscious becomes conscious. A startling and miraculous time for wrapping up all the soul's loose ends, before Pluto begins another cycle. The past asks for forgiveness and understanding, altering the present. Emotional memories locked in the body are released, for tsunamis of healing."

STARTLING AND MIRACULOUS...TSUNAMIS OF HEALING.

Yep, I'll say. By way of tsunamis of pain and grief. And you know what? I'm kind of rocking it, for real. I keep waiting for an errant nervous breakdown to reveal itself and...it's all kind of....ok. And just to illustrate how Life will organize itself for your highest good when you allow it to, my sisters and I decided in May to do our annual Sister Healing Weekend in October in Sedona. So our meetup took place during Venus's Retrograde which for me was all about healing the very deepest layers of my childhood, the core wounding received by my very young self. As my sisters and I stepped into the vortex of Sedona to lay ourselves bare in order to be healed, the planets were holding exactly this for us. We allowed the land - and each another - to support, excavate and cleanse us. At one point we were meditating on huge rocks in a dry, vertical creek bed, where seasonal monsoon rivers wash down from the Red Rocks. We could feel the big water all around us, cleansing and purifying, stripping us of the stories of 'damage' and 'abuse', allowing us to feel the purity of our elemental selves. (You know how to do this, yes? Sit in a dry creek bed and tap in to the water? Sit in a burned-out field and tap into the fire? This reality we find ourselves in is spherical, and everything is happening right now. Our perception of linear time is simply a construct which we can supersede at will. So we can tap into that water because there is an angle of reality wherein it is right here, right now. We can tap in and allow that water to wash us clean. We can tap into that fire and allow ourselves to burn.) 

Throughout the trip, so much was falling away, I felt like I was in a sort of trance, like a self-induced coma that allows the body to heal without the mind's input. When we went for massages, something told me to choose 'lymph drainage' even though I wasn't entirely sure what that was. And in walked the loveliest young man, who held and touched me so gently it broke my heart open. So much pain around rough handling at the hands of the masculine came forward to be healed, for myself and for the collective. It was incredible work. And then, on the way back to the airport, we stopped to see our parents in Phoenix. By parents I mean our dad and step-mother, who raised us. I don't see them often. My dad and I have never had an easy relationship and I've made peace with that. But this time was different. I kept my heart open despite it's knee-jerk reaction to close, and I saw my dad with new eyes, as if seeing him for the first time. I saw why he relates to me the way he does, how it somehow protects his heart, and why that's necessary for him. I saw how my contract with him is complete despite his life, his path, his karma - we are complete. No words to describe how good that feels, just a gut-deep sense of satisfaction at the end of an especially long and (ruthlessly) painful cycle. And of course Love is here too, born of pure Compassion.

During our visit my mom gave me a small plastic bag of drawings and cards that I had made for her and my dad from 1968-1974. My sisters and I went to live with them in '68, when I was five. It was the most unimaginable gift - first though pain and grief (what else?) as I could see my Little Jaclyn trying to somehow create a world that felt safe and connected. And then I was able to tap into my Little Me's innocence, something I have been trying to feel for years. And I finally broke through. I can feel her. (This is everything).

And then. Twelve people were killed in a shooting 5 miles from my house and fifteen hours later the Woolsey Fire started, which ultimately chased us from both houses over the course of twelve hours. I had a long stretch at the pyramid house, watching the fire burn along the western ridge of Malibu Canyon, marveling at it's awesome power and yes, beauty. I had a surreal moment of actually feeling the element of fire in all it's neutrality, its lack of intent, simply fire expressing itself in a very big way. It brought me to my knees in surrender to any and all outcomes. Something profound shifted inside me then, and I haven't fully unpacked it. Something about interacting with the elemental self as the earth, in Oneness, in balance and harmony regardless of appearance. After the fire I could feel the land in my body, and I felt burned too, laid bare, shorn of what was there before. 

Through it all remains the through-line of my practice - yoga, mantra, meditation. Self-care. Bowing again and again to what is so. Keeping my heart open in every moment, bowing and opening. Saying Yes. Showing up. This life, no matter how fierce, is for us. If we allow it, we become Masters.

S E R I O U S L Y

And I'm back! I wasn't even entirely clear that I was gone, except when I did try to log-in to Blogger several times over the past months to post, it didn't work and I lacked sufficient motivation to follow through. There was simply too much vying for my attention and I was using the whole of my energy to surf the gigantically potent cosmic portals, the slipping time streams, dimensional overlaps and stuff like that. Gratitude and blessings to all those that kept up their practices of informing us of the cosmic weather - it was a long, seemingly never-ending report of trauma, upheaval and transformation. I repeatedly had the urge to post: "Grab a life preserver, keep breathing and let's check back in come late December." Because seriously.

S E R I O U S L Y.

Spring 2018 feels about three lifetimes ago and the galactic transformational shifts continue. Among multiple potent geometries, we're in Venus Retrograde until November 16. Venus began covering her shadow territory (this is like her first pass over what she will be 'contemplating' during her turn inward) in Scorpio with a powerful influence of Mars (our body/life) in Aquarius (the new way) and Uranus (change at any cost) in Taurus (persistent, plodding change), all in a Square formation, which creates oppositional forces that move us out of complacency and into action. On one side of the square, we had the Divine Masculine going about its business figuring out a new definition of what it means to be a man/masculine in this emerging paradigm - and how to incorporate consciousness and compassion into the way forward. On the other side of the square was Venus in Scoprio, digging into the Underworld, the Shadow, revealing more hidden aspects of power, sexuality and the desires of the Feminine, and how those desires have been repressed and stomped on for countless generations. The shiz, it is rising up out of the basement again. And so Venus - with Uranus staring her down - says 'Not so fast Divine Masculine. You can't move forward until this shiz is dealt with."

Hmmmm. Sound familiar with regards to Dr. Christine Blasey Ford and Brett Kavaunaugh?  When Dr. Ford kicked open the basement door, a new, subtler level of the collective feminine trauma was exposed and we were reminded, 'Oh right, just because I wasn't technically raped doesn't mean I wasn't traumatized.' And the Masculine had to face yet another unsavory depth of truth around it's entrenched blind eye and inherent rape-y culture. And maybe just possibly, an imperative to stop hiding behind the smoke screen of "I did not have sex with that woman." Cosmically, we are all being held responsible for our actions, regardless of what side of Right Relationship they fall under. If we have perpetrated wrong action, we are called to make amends - if we do, we have the opportunity to liberate ourselves into an entirely new level of authenticity, wherein we live with a broader truth of what we are, warts, wings and all. We get to move forward with this expanded consciousness, creating who we are with each breath, choice and action. And through this portal we ultimately find our way back into Self-Love, which allows us to truly love one another. Both the Feminine and Masculine need deep, authentic love in order to move forward collectively healed. 

If we fail this particular Earth School test, and don't take responsibility for our mistakes of the past, we fall further into constriction, into dis-ease, into a paradigm of density and falsity, because we literally can't see ourselves and how our actions hurt others. Seen any paradigms of density and falsity lately? I would say our national political system has moved from falsity to farce and we all play along as if it's somehow real.

Dr. Ford took responsibility for her experience when she came forward and spoke up. In the days following, thousands of people began telling their long-held stories of abuse and trauma. This is what it is was for; it was never about whether Brett Kavanaugh would be confirmed as a life-long justice of the highest court in the land. We all know that game (and whole system) is rigged. It was about the act of speaking up, opening the basement door and telling our hard truths; the ones that are so dark we can barely look or stomach them. Collectively we are growing subtler and stronger - we're waking the f up and we're TALKING ABOUT IT. 

This is the most excellent way to move through this Venus Retrograde; allowing ourselves to embody those deep Scorpion depths and then express what we see and feel. It's important to support ourselves entirely throughout, with meditation, baths, yoga, inquiry/journaling, communing with soul family, deep committed self-care. So much can and will be revealed if we commit to the process. For me personally, much is being revealed in the dreamtime in the form of lucid dreams that feel like repressed memories. I can tell immediately they're important by their feel and how I awake fully engaged with the emotion and energetic. I'm remembering (hopefully, fingers crossed) the deepest depths of my three and five year old self, losing first my grandmother and then my mother. I wake up right in the loss and it's astoundingly beautiful to allow myself to feel that little one's ocean of grief.

As I write this I'm in Sedona with my two older sisters on our annual Sister Bonding Weekend. We live in three different states and we come together once a year to commune. Our time is always rife with laughter and tears; this year the laughter is reaching entirely new depths and the medicine in that is profound. It's allowing us to cycle through the layered, crackling energetic of our collective field and lineage and release it. The land here is so welcoming, I feel it receive this energy with deep gratitude for our work. And of course we are entirely supported by our ancestors - their presence is so strong I am near constantly integrating the shifts. 


So it's a beautiful time to be woke on Earth. We all agreed to be here because we are. When we bend our will toward surrender to our highest path, we are bourn on the wings of angels.  

AMPLIFIED AND EVEN EXALTED

Greetings Beautiful Ones! We've got a lot of astrological weather happening so let's jump right in. First I want to say that Astrology is simply a wheel (within a wheel within a wheel within a wheel...) of cycles that we can use to map our lives, short term and long term. We can also look to these constantly-generating patterns for clues about the human evolutionary journey both in this lifetime and across many generations and millennia. Time was when we lived by cycles for our very existence, but in the span of a few hundred years, we've largely removed ourselves from this knowledge. Cycles are like roadmaps - they let us know where we've been, where we are, where we're going and which roads are best to deliver us to our intended destination. Cycles provide the framework (and mirror) for how this Reality plays itself out; if we pay attention and use this information to our advantage, our work is amplified and even exalted. Every year around my birthday I get a 'Solar Return' reading with my favorite astrologer, which helps me to know what the major themes of the coming year are for me, what to expect, how to best work with the energies. It also helps me understand how current cycles feed future ones, so that I can prepare for the long-term themes my life will be presenting me.

A major astrological marker for the collective appeared last week, when Uranus moved from Aries into Taurus, beginning a seven-year cycle that suggests a period of upheaval, turmoil and sudden shifts - mainly in the areas of technology, finance and the Earth itself. We're already seeing this play out in an obvious way with the Kilauea eruption in Hawaii. Uranus changes signs every seven years and in Aries, it was all youthful enthusiasm, sprinting towards change at any cost, burning down one house before building another. In Taurus, it's more grounded and plodding (think lava flow) but rest assured, change will happen - initiating in bursts that are sudden and shocking, in ways that shift the very landscape of everything. Uranus loves change, loves the lightning flash of awakening while Taurus hates it, preferring everything to remain static. Taurus is also very capable and a legendary problem solver, so at least the craziness ahead will be ultimately well-managed and grounded. And it's likely not going to feel great. To give you a sense of scale, the last time Uranus transited Taurus, the Stock market crashed, ushering in the Great Depression. And World War II happened. Now that doesn't mean the same will happen again; today's world is vastly different than it was eighty-some years ago so the energy will likely play itself out in different ways. It will be big though, and world changing. 

What to do with this? I'm not even going to answer that question because I've answered it ad nauseam. Ok, I'll answer it again. CREATE A DAILY PRATICE THAT ACTIVATES AND SERVES YOUR HIGHEST SELF AND DO THE PRACTICE. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. This will allow you to be operating at your highest frequency, so that when the shit gets all around wonky, you will have the wherewithal to stand in the face of the change, fear, discomfort, pain or _________ and simply be with it without crumbling. Or, if a response is required, you will clearly see what Right Action is in that moment (your absolute best response) and have the grit to DO IT. When you function regularly from this place, you're telling the Universe, "Um, I'm an effing Master" and the Universe is all "Right, got it, let me usher you along the Master's path." And I'm not saying that life will become all sweetness and roses because that's not realistic, however life will feel good. Even when it doesn't. 

Another potent astrological event occurred last month when Chiron - the wounded healer - moved from Pisces into Aries, where it will largely remain until 2026. The wounded healer refers to someone like me, who in my endless quest to heal my own wounds, realized I now have the capacity to usher others along the road towards their own healing. Chiron heals itself; now that it's left the watery, foggy, dreamy lands of Pisces, the fire and light of Aries will allow our wounded places to become very clear to us, as will our ability and responsibility to heal ourselves. While we can look to others for markers along the path, our true healing can only come from within. Healing, like Happiness, is an inside job.

I'm personally already experiencing the lightning bolts of self-healing. A few days ago I saw in an instant the truth of a friendship I've had for years wherein I gave my power away to this friend within moments of meeting her. My very first thought was that her consciousness was amazing, so much bigger than mine so from that moment, I took everything she said as true, even when it didn't jive with my own inner knowing. Through the years when she would tell me things about me, I would believe it without question, thinking "I must not be subtle enough to feel what she feels", or "I must be blind so I can't see what she sees." And then, in a lightning flash of insight, I had a full body experience of "FUCK NO SHE IS NOT RIGHT ABOUT ME." When I allowed that thought to settle, I saw how I have been using her to sabotage myself for years, based on a dynamic I set up in the first five minutes of knowing her. WOW!! And when I reclaimed myself from that relationship, my energetic field grew noticeably bigger. I had two consecutive nights of incredible dream-time, where I was taught more about the nature of Energy, how it flows, how to wield it and how to share these teachings with the world. WOW again.

So my friends, do your practices, do your work. Examine your relationships. Are they based on mutual respect and equal footing or have you given yourself away? Has someone given their power to you and do you unconsciously take advantage of that? Remember when you do this work it's never about the other person - your work is to examine your part in it. Their part is their business. Your work is YOU. Go through all your close relationships with family, friends, bosses, work-mates, mentors, etc. Where you've given yourself away, take yourself back. Forgive yourself and others and gently release that agreement. Create in its place a dynamic of understanding that we are all infinitely valuable, bringing our different gifts to the Whole. Each gift is precious and cannot be compared to another. 

You are precious - to me, to the world, to Life itself.

PEACE IN THE SPACE BETWEEN BULLETS

Greetings my Beloveds. It's been a while. As I logged in to write this, I realized I've started two blog posts that I didn't finish - something I never do - probably because I've been bogged down with recurrent sinus infections that are really dulling my vibe, mainly due to the (over-the-counter) pharmaceuticals I've been taking in order to function. These put me so far under water, I cannot think straight or clearly. And it's been months of this! I have so much compassion for people who have live on allergy meds!! I am in the process of investigating the physical source of the allergies/infections so that I can clear this shit up and out.

So! 2018 continues to be a great opportunity to overcome challenges, yes? Delays, set-backs, fuck-ups, confusion, fear, what have I missed? Oh right, Joy in the face of sadness, Peace in the space between bullets, Hope in the face of despair. Knowing All Is Well even when it looks like hell. I've been in a curious place of shifting my daily practice to accommodate my physical limitations, which means it's essentially just chanting and meditation and it's been wonderful proving to myself that any effort is fruitful; as long as I touch in with the Divine, regardless of how that looks, I can maintain a through-line of Joy. Sometimes I get caught up in the thought form that it has to look a certain way in order to 'work' - hmmmm. Maybe I've stumbled on the purpose of the sinus infections - or at least one of the gifts of this suffering! Actually I'm pretty sure the sinus stuff is repressed anger, so it's back to the 'basement' of my sub/non-conscious for investigation. Sometimes it feels like I live in the friggin basement, know what I'm saying?

So what's the anger about? The largest part is the apoplectic rage of the Collective Feminine from countless generations of mistreatment, abuse, subjugation, suppression, etc. We've finally allowed ourselves to open the door to that deep dark basement and dang but it's stinky down there. Putrid. Not easy to be with. Once we acclimate to the rage, we may also find profound mistrust of the Masculine. And so I start at the beginning, with the Masculine in my family - father, husband. 

Game on.

How to do this work? I work best in the Unseen, meaning I put myself in a deep meditative state and then call in the soul of the one I wish to work with. This is highly effective because trust me, if I called up my dad and said, "Can we please work through the seething anger that I secretly harbor toward you?", I have a sense it wouldn't go well. So I work with my dad's soul, that part of him that knows and can hold the truth of our relationship, that can see and hold my anger. And we converse. I can come to this conversation as any age, any part of me - the infant Jaclyn, the little girl, the teenager, the young adult and the grown me. All have a part in this story however it's good to start at the place that has the biggest charge; if your parents got divorced when you were 13 and you blame your dad, maybe start there by bringing your 13-year-old self in to see what she has to say. Mine began in utero (my dad divorced my mom when she was pregnant with me) so my starting point is crystal clear. It's important when you're doing this work that you work through each step slowly and clearly. First touch in with your own soul however you do that (meditation is great for this) and then call in the soul you wish to work with. Wait for them to arrive, attuning your sensitivity so that you can actually feel that happen. Once you feel them present, ask if they are willing to have a conversation with you and wait for their agreement. (If they say 'No', ask if there is another time they would be willing to converse.) And then begin. Speak your heart. Say exactly what your infant/little girl/teenager/adult needs to say, no filters, no judgements. Allow room for them to receive and respond. Ask questions. Work your stuff out. And then end with love and gratitude and perhaps an agreement to work again in the future. And, more good news, this works even if the one you wish to converse with has passed on. Their soul still exists, will always exist - and in some ways it's easier than working with a soul that's still embodied. 

Working in the Unseen is so powerful because everything happens there first. We create energetically and then it eventually condenses down into the physical experience. When we work in the Unseen, it ripples out from the collective fields of the involved souls, through the field of the Void/All Possibility and into every aspect of our being. It heals the energetic body and can shift absolutely everything. I can shift the field of relationship with my dad by allowing those injured parts of me to speak/emote/release the pain of _________, and by doing so, shift and/or heal my relationship with my husband because I will no longer be bringing that unexpressed pain and anger into our every interaction. See how that works?

This type of work is not 'exotic' or 'strange'; it's part of our natural human functionality of interacting with one another on multiple levels, across countless dimensions, soul to soul. What's strange is that we are cut off from these proclivities because of our belief systems, thinking we are only the mind and body. We have experienced so many lifetimes in the density of these bodies that we have forgotten the gifts and super-powers of our soul. Reclaim them my people! It's not something new you have to learn. You already know how to do it because it's literally what you are.

Lastly, thank you for doing this work; by healing yourself, you heal the world. And finally, please remember how loved you are, how seen, known, wanted and celebrated. Know it to your bones and live from that place. 

CREATING YOUR SELF-CONCEPT

Greetings my Beloveds. Wheweee!! The going is rough as I’m sure you’ve noticed. Eleven days ago we had a partial solar eclipse at the New Moon in Aquarius, a reboot of our consciousness around our collective humanity and close relationships. Those areas of our un-consciousness that we have been doing a bang-up job of ignoring are totally out in the open, up for review. Now is a time to see what does not work, like AT ALL ANYMORE, and leave it behind. It’s not surprising that the most recent school shooting happened within this portal; in the past we’ve witnessed these events, been heart-broken and horrified and angry and then we just sort of all ‘forget’ and move on until the next one happens. This time feels different though, doesn’t it? And it’s not the older ‘wiser’ generation who is demanding change; it’s our youth, literally standing up and saying NO. NO MORE. NOT EVER AGAIN. These ones have been activated upon a path of taking responsibility for their world and I can feel the power and force of the slip-stream of consciousness they have said Yes to and it’s HUGE. I’m excited to see how it’s going to roll out.

We too must catch this stream of energy and do our work. Time to get REALLY REALLY clear on what it is we are doing here – what did we incarnate on Earth to do? To be? What is the gift we are bringing to Humanity? It’s time to leave behind ANYTHING that doesn’t serve that mission, be it a thought form (I can’t do it, I’m not smart enough, rich enough, worthy enough, etc.), a behavioral pattern (I hate my job so I need to drink/smoke/numb out at night to feel ok) or a belief system (I’m a piece of shit, born with sin, and I need to pay a man to make me right with God.) All of these are Systems of Illusion that keep us trapped in vicious cycles, that keep us from delivering our dharma, which is the thing we came here to do and be. Ever see a fruit tree that never gets cleared of its fruit? The fruit is the tree’s gift to the world; when it rots on the branches and ground, the stagnant energy eventually makes the tree sick. We are the same – if we are not delivering our dharma, it will ultimately make us sick, either emotionally, physically or spiritually. Know any sick people? I do. If we are not creating something good every day (we are born creators) we will create drama. Know anyone who does that, creates drama for no reason? I do. It is time (well past time, actually) for us to quit this nonsense and tap back into the reason we are here. Our souls know it – it’s written into the blueprint of our DNA. The only thing keeping our consciousness from knowing it are these silly illusions we hold so dear. Time’s up on our f’in illusions, individual and collective. Time to set them down FOREVER.

How do we set them down? Well, I’ve been talking about this for years because this is exactly the work I’ve been doing for years. Go back and read the archives - there’s lots on this subject there, lots of tools and practices to help you begin this important work. In short, we must examine everything we believe about ourselves and the world and see if it’s actually true for us. Examine your habits and patterns; where did they come from? Do they reflect who you are or did you inherit/adopt them from someone else? Examine your belief systems. Where did they come from? Are they actually true for you? Examine your childhood. What did your parents actually think of you? What ideas about yourself did you inherit from them? Are they true? Are you that? If so, do you want to keep being that or would you like to change?

Here’s an example of this kind of inquiry from my own life, around coffee. (I know, totally mundane, but watch where it goes). Coffee ‘told’ me every single morning that I needed it to function, and I believed it for MANY MANY years. It literally was my first thought upon waking – where is my coffee and how do I get it? Then my body started telling me that coffee wasn’t my friend and I was like ‘that can’t be right because I need it every single day to function.’ I ignored my body for a long time because what it was telling me didn’t jive with my very engrained thought form. When I finally grew weary of the struggle between my body and the thought form, I took a hard look at it - where did I get the idea that I needed coffee first thing every day? In college, when I worked two jobs, I didn’t get much sleep. There were nights that I worked until 11pm and then went  home to write a paper, due the next day. Coffee kept me up to get my work done and coffee got me up and to class the next morning so I adopted the thought form that I needed coffee to function. And when I dug deeper, I discovered another thought form I’d carried since childhood that said I was lazy, had low energy and was unmotivated. Coffee was the antidote. So I asked myself, ‘Am I lazy?’ Nope, never been lazy. Ok, easy to release that one. Do I have low energy? Yes, I’ve had low blood pressure my whole life, which I counteract with exercise. Do I need coffee for that? Nope, exercise does the trick and as I’ve aged, my blood pressure has risen into normal range, so I’m all good. Am I unmotivated? Yep, around doing things I hate like paperwork, filing and mundane tasks. I’ve been working with Saturn (the Cosmic Taskmaster) on that, and I’ve actually started to enjoy ticking those things off my ToDo list. Examining these thought forms allowed me to see that they were never or no longer true so I could easily release them. Then I turned back to coffee, my long-time love. What was true about coffee? Well, it’s delicious, yes. SO SO delicious. Also it makes my whole system acidic and it fuels my monkey mind so that my thoughts race. So here I am, dedicated to a quiet, meditative mind, so much so that my entire life is structured around practices to achieve this and the first thing I do every single morning works against that? Isn’t that interesting?? This opened up a whole new area of inquiry that led to a whole new set of false beliefs to release. And I easily quit drinking coffee every day.

Once you get good at knowing what you are not, you can begin deciding what you are. Only you get to decide this as you are solely responsible for you. You alone get to create your self-concept. You get to decide who you are right now, who you will be tomorrow and who you will be next week. In this eclipse portal (which runs through July) you have a giant push of cosmic energy to help with this process. Self-Concept is literally your declaration of who you are. As I was holding the self-concept of “I am a person who needs to have coffee every day in order to function”, my life organized around that concept and let me tell you, I was very successful in procuring coffee every morning. Everyone around me and the Universe itself conspired to make that happen. Now I hold a self-concept of “I wake energized and charged for whatever the day asks of me” and that's simply what's true now. I can put whatever I like into my self-concept (although things like “I am a tall person” or “I am a prima ballerina” might be a waste of my energy) and as long as I hold fast to it – like a dog with a bone – my system will organize itself around that concept. I will choose those actions and thoughts that serve it, and the world will mirror it back to me. It’s important to think BIG with your self-concept, as in “I am a boundless creator god, fully tapped into the creative impulse, delivering my dharma with exuberance, grace and love, realizing my dreams, living as a beneficial presence to humanity and to consciousness itself.” Get the picture?  

Your self-concept will evolve over time as you become the thing you declare yourself to be, so you can move onto other self-concepts. What have you always dreamed of being? You can’t get it wrong so be creative, have fun. Keep it open-ended; the Universe has a bigger imagination than you – let it fill in the blanks. Write it down, tape it to your mirror so you can see it when you’re brushing your teeth, put it on your steering wheel, make it the wallpaper of your phone, tape it to your refrigerator. Write it out every single day on a little piece of paper and put it in your pocket. Refuse any thought that contradicts it. Hold steady and fast to it, even when the phenomenal world appears otherwise. Just simply KNOW that it is your birthright to be who you say you are. When you are steadfast in your knowing, the Creative Principle will know it with you and the Cosmos itself will shift to accommodate and support it. And that’s when the magic really begins…