As It Closes

Holiday Greetings Beloveds! This time of year can feel a bit like a whirlwind and so our hearts may be not-so-gently reminding us to stop, step out of the spinning and allow ourselves time to pause and reflect.  This is our opportunity to honor and celebrate all we have been and become this past year and to vision for what’s next. The current and pending geometries are quite tilted toward our brighter becoming; all of humanity is in it now, this earnest urge toward reclamation and transformation. Everything is changing, period. The denser energies are becoming even more so; those that cannot hold the higher and faster frequencies that are happening now are spinning off. The Pluto-Uranus Square, which has been the prevailing energy for the past 2+ years, is largely over and the house, well, it burned down. So here we stand, naked of our usual patterns, behaviors and distractions that used to run things, really seeing ourselves, our lives and the world as they truly are, perhaps for the first time. All is exposed. (Ouch.) So the discomfort, confusion, fear, whatever it might be that is presenting itself in your experience is perfectly appropriate. Your relationships may be exploding, your circumstances shifting rapidly and your life looking almost unrecognizable. Good!! You’re right on schedule. This is a perfect time to rebuild it the way you want it to look; an auspicious moment to create and become the person you have always wanted to be. It will take presence, commitment and grit - and you’ve got that in spades.

This new moon, which occurred on the 11th, was a powerful portal for setting intentions, and intentions are HUGE for this coming year because of the fact that everything is being re-created from the ground up. If your house burns down, you are likely not going to rebuild it exactly as it was. You are going to correct all those little or big things that didn’t quite work. Or you may decide you want to build a different house altogether. The bottom line is, get designing, because the prevailing energies of 2016 will require us to build structures to support our ‘new’ lives. And our new lives are about embodying Spirit, both individually and collectively.

How does that look exactly? For me, it looks like daily kundalini practice, done early in the morning. My practice is a conscious communion with Spirit/God/Consciousness. It revitalizes and invigorates the channel through which God moves through me into this world. It is my food. It feeds my energetic and auric field which then supports me in cultivating a life of conscious creation and presence. It means cultivating love and compassion, every day, with everyone, including myself. It allows me to approach the everyday occurrences of my life with a relaxed curiosity - first a softening, and then a holistic look at what is actually present. It means watching the running commentary in my head, because it is often not aligned with the truth. (I find that if I chant mantra regularly, in my practice and as background music in my car and home, it replaces the commentary. THIS IS GOODNESS.)

I set my clear intentions for the coming year at the New Moon, although this can be done anytime before the full moon on Christmas Day. I did not create a laundry list of wants, rather I visioned for what the highest purpose for my life is and how it wants me to participate/co-create so that it can flow into my experience with ease. Visioning is a powerful tool to catch the current of highest truth that is always running through our very being, moment by moment, in all ways.

To do this, set aside at least 30 minutes in a quiet place with a journal or notebook. Tune in/connect with your higher self, however that looks for you, and from that still place, ask yourself questions along the lines of: What is the highest vision for my life in 2016? What does it look like? Feel like? Who am I as this vision fulfilled? What must I release in order for this vision to come to fruition? What can I begin right now to support it's unfolding? Any wisdom to carry forward into the new year? DREAM BIG. Write the first thing that comes to you; do not involve your mind by thinking or judging what comes forward. Just write it down and go on to the next question. Afterwards look at your answers and be with what your life is calling you to. Are you up for it? If yes, tune in with the Vision regularly, checking in to see how it wants to be served next. Try to avoid shaping it with your mind; the God Consciousness has a limitless imagination so we may as well let it do the heavy lifting. Our minds largely recreate and repackage what has come before - to lead of life of true inspiration, we must allow our boundless self to move through us into the 3D world. When we have Clarity and Passion for our highest Vision, the God Consciousness clears the path toward our desire. Our only job is to hold the Vision and serve it, by doing what it asks of us to do.

Here's to a New Year of Clarity and Creation. May your Holidays be blessed!!

Still Surfing

Fall Greetings Friends! This month finds me taking a deep breath in gratitude for  the tremendous leap in consciousness we were afforded this eclipse season. We are different creatures on this side of that engagement, regardless of how we participated. Our hearts are freer, more awake and available to us. It's crucial that we are constantly tuning in with our hearts; we can do this deeply, in meditation, and as a matter of course throughout the day. I use conscious breathing and tapping (physically tapping on my chest) for regular reminders that yes, here is my heart, I am here.

We have a major opportunity now to permanently shift our operating system to one that is guided and led by the heart. We can foster this shift by noticing the difference between how a thought or choice made with the head feels as opposed to one that is inspired and brought forth from the infinite cosmos that is our heart. The heart is our literal and figurative wisdom seat, and it is boundless; it knows all and has much to teach us. Try looking at your life situations through the ‘eyes’ of your heart and see what new perspective it offers. See your loved ones and indeed all beings through the eyes of love, looking past appearance, into the infinite heart of each being. You may see yourself there, as a beautiful reflection of Oneness for truly we are all one grand and infinite Consciousness that constantly expands, in an act of loving self-discovery, as each being, each life. When we judge or harm others, we judge and harm ourselves. The same care we give to our most deeply beloved we must also give to ourselves, for ultimately we are our beloved. For me, this is the only path forward – fierce and profound self-love for it is through this engagement that I am liberated into a life created from the fabric of Wholeness and Joy that is not bound by circumstance. It is through this liberation that I deliver the fullness of my own unique gifts to this world. We have each come to weave our singular genius into this transcendent tapestry of Being; let us allow our hearts to lead us through this sacred engagement.

For me personally, right now is also a time of deep release. As I delve further into the chasm of my opened heart, enormous waves of grief have been rising up and moving through my system. I have learned to simply honor what comes forth, without being caught up in any story or reasons or grasping for understanding. I just allow it to come and go unhindered. This week’s full moon has been my perfect companion for this work…

Next month our highest consciousness (represented by the sun) will move into Scorpio and we will begin another intense round of alchemical transformation. For now, I'm resting in the calm of deeply knowing all is well. My path is prepared before me with the same Perfection that creates and sustains all worlds. Right here is exactly right.

May yours and all hearts know Peace, and may we reflect our deepest love to ourselves and each other.

All love <3

September's Big Ya'll

Hello Beautiful Ones! If you find this too much information, just skip to the Overview at the bottom; it will give you a general idea of what to expect and tips for navigation. If you want to dive deep, read on…

 September is upon us and I trust this finds you plumbing the depths of your emotional tides, as the energies of late have us taking a profound dive into the ocean of our deepest and often hidden feelings. We have been with a Venus retrograde cycle (July 25-September 6) which has offered us the knowing of where our hearts need excavation and opening and perhaps shown us those places in us where fear, inhibition and survival-mode tactics like manipulation live in us. Venus retrograde gives us an opportunity to cast an open-hearted glance into our own depths, to perhaps let that which is hard to know about ourselves bubble up to be loved (always loved up first!) and then integrated and released. Or if not to be released, to be accepted and gently held within the offering bowl of our own hearts. When we can hold the dark, ugly parts of ourselves with the fullness of our compassion and acceptance, we expand our ability to hold each other, to hold the world, to dissolve our illusion of separation and live from the exquisite vantage-point of Oneness.

 Venus retrograde also offers us a deeper look at our relationships with loved ones, past or present. Much may have come to light during this cycle and now we have the chance to integrate it with the first eclipse of this ‘eclipse season’ (which happens every September/October), a partial solar eclipse on the New Moon. For us in Southern California, it will begin on September 12^th at 9:40pm, peak at 11:52pm and complete at 2:05am on September 13^th. While this partial eclipse will not be visible to much of the world, we can tune-in at that time to work with the energies. We can ask ourselves what the lessons have been – What have we learned about Love, Intimacy and Sexuality? How are we interacting with Abundance, Creativity and Heart-Centered Living? As we know, eclipses are rare moments when the constant blast of the Sun’s energy is interrupted, creating an integration moment, like rebooting your computer, when all the upgrades you have downloaded for the past months become integrated into the system and are now usable. All of the knowledge you have been absorbing since the Spring Equinox in March becomes known to you – and if you work with it consciously, it can evolve into wisdom as you roll it out in your experience.

 Another major player this month is Saturn, who will move out of Scorpio and into Sagittarius. Saturn, the Great Teacher, has been largely in Scorpio for almost 3 years; when he enters Sagittarius on the 17^th, we will finally be free of the intense and unrelenting lessons happening in the deep underbelly of our emotional bodies. Sagittarius is a gentler and more extroverted energy; Saturn’s lessons will be more visible in the outer world and will likely feel kinder. That’s major good news!! And to add to this already stacked geometry, Mercury will go retrograde on the same day and remain there until October 9^th. Mercury represents the mind; when it is turned inward during its retrograde cycle, the outer world can appear a bit wonky. During this inward turn, we will have yet another opportunity to review our relationships through the lens of the mind. Go deep, use this time to journal and really investigate your inner workings with regards to how you interact with others. Do you give whole-heartedly? Do you allow yourself to receive? Do you attach strings to giving or receiving? Do you honor yourself by saying No when appropriate? Do you allow yourself to be fully known/held/loved? This work will pay off in spades after the New Moon of October 12^th that ends the eclipse wormhole and signals the beginning of the next major cycle of our collective conscious awakening.

 And speaking of wormholes, this one happens under the influence of Libra. The energies of Libra are about Balance and Harmony, Relationships (again, seeing a pattern??) and the Mirrored Consciousness or As Within, So Without. This means that the world you see around you is merely a reflection of the world that exists inside of you. If you want to shift/transform the world you see, you must first take your seeing inward and shift yourself. The world will then reflect that change back to you. This wormhole will offer us the opportunity to work with the energy of Balance with regards to the Masculine and Feminine principles. We can deepen our experience of knowing when it is appropriate to be still (feminine) and when to act (masculine). Being balanced does not mean we are a mish-mash of both energies; rather it means we know when to be fully in one or the other, allowing them to inform one another as the process of our lives unfolds. For instance, we can let the inspired idea of what wants to reveal as our lives sit in the dark stillness of the feminine principle, being nourished by our dreaming and attention to it, and when the time is ripe (we will know this if we are listening), activating our masculine principle to take steps in the 3D to bring the dream to fruition. All along the way, we can tune in (feminine) with the dream/idea to allow it to continue to inform what the next action steps will be. With regards to Libra’s influence, at the bottom of the newsletter, I’ve listed how each sign will likely be affected by the doings of September, courtesy of Dr. Michael Lennox. Read both your sun and rising signs as you are influenced by both. As an end cap, the Sun moves into Libra at the end of September, allowing all the openings of the wormhole to be integrated into the highest consciousness. This geometry is absolutely breathtaking in its symmetry!! Eons ago, when we set these spheres in motion, we wrote incredibly beautiful equations into specific epochs and cycles and years and months, designed to give us enormous experiences of awakening through tectonic shifts in consciousness. This month is one of those rare beauties..

 And then we have the Fall Equinox on September 23^rd, at 1:22am. This is a Balance point, when the Earth is neither tilting towards or away from the Sun, but ‘upright’ in full congress with the highest consciousness. This coincides with the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, when we release all the heavy energies of the previous year. During the weeks prior, with Rosh Hashanah, we are examining ourselves with regards to who we were in the world and the Equinox is the forgiveness/release moment, bringing us back into balance and alignment with our highest ideal for our lives. This self-examination demands that we change, that we release all that is petty, unjust and small within us. It demands that we incorporate the lessons of our mistakes and missteps and enter the new year better. It’s a great practice and one I look forward to engaging with again this year.

 Following the Jewish High Holidays, we have another integration moment at the full lunar eclipse on the Full ‘Blood’ Moon on September 27^th, which will be mostly visible to us! This one begins at 5:11pm (not visible at that time), is full at 7:11pm (visible by then) and ends at 10:22pm. A full eclipse means the re-boot is a system-wide event, a grand integration that portends a significant up-leveling of consciousness, both individual and collective (for one is the other). I will be watching the eclipse and spending that time in meditation, prayer and ceremony…perhaps this is something you may want to consider for yourself. It’s a very potent portal!

 And now we must talk about the Black Moon Lilith that we moved into on September 4^th (in Libra!) and will be with for a nine month cycle. This energy is about the inner Feminine space between the Earth and the Moon and its occurrence here increases the power and impact of the wormhole. Lilith represents the shadow side of the Feminine creative principle – think Kali (the Destroyer), or Pele. If we don’t have knowledge or a working relationship with our shadow, it will rule our lives. During these next nine months in Libra, this will play out in relationships. We can expect all kinds of shifts happening in this arena. If the shadow is running the show, it will likely be rough waters. If we work with and integrate the shadow, there is room for tremendous change. Our best bet is to be willing to really see ourselves, absolutely stripped of our story, naked, vulnerable, willing to surrender our fears and doubts (stop letting the shadow run things), so that we can step into what we actually are – infinite, powerful creators. We must shift ourselves from the density of thinking we are everything that has ever happened in our lives to the blatant Truth that at our core, we are pure and whole, always have been, always will be. That other stuff is just the story of this dimension and it’s an illusion. It’s time to wake up and be Light, be Love. If you don’t know where to find that, go within. Connect to the Truth that IT’S LITERALLY WHAT YOU’RE MADE OF. (So start acting like it).

 OVERVIEW:

September is likely to be an ass-kicker. You may feel like the world’s gone crazy. You may feel like you’re in emotional no-mans-land, where you do not understand the rules and everything is super stretchy in all directions. It may be a good idea to throw away all you know and just be present with what is and allow it to inform you how to best navigate it. This would also be a good time to find a solid space inside yourself, to know that you are your own safe place, security and stability. YOU ARE YOUR OWN HOME. It’s definitely time to lean heavily into your daily practices, for your tools will need to be sharpened to navigate the chaos and destruction that is likely to show up all over the joint. Sleep, eat well, take really good care of yourself, spend time in water. At the first eclipse, old wounds may resurface to be released or to be repeated. Be present and aware so your outcome can be release if you’re ready for that. At the Equinox, find your way into Balance, however that looks for you. Be a detective to discover all the ways your life is out of balance. Do what it takes to make it right again. Another theme of this month is incorporating lessons; take what you’ve learned thus far this year and put them into action. Do things differently. CHANGE. At the end of the month, with the full lunar eclipse, dive deep into knowing that you must meet your own needs. It’s your most important charge right now. Starting now (actually a while ago) your relationships are going to be in the spotlight big time. If you are still acting unconsciously, your darkest parts are going to lead you around by the nose. Realize you are dark and light, integrate that shit and take charge of yourself. Place yourself at the center of your consciousness (eyes on your own paper) and get your act together. You are all things, the full spectrum. You get to choose which lens to look through – may as well chose Light, it feels better.

 SUN & RISING SIGNS: Where you are in relationship to Libra and how that might affect you:

 Aries – You will experience it as an Opposition, which means you will be forced to deal with challenging aspects/experiences. You will be confronted with things that will force you to change. Congratulations!

 Taurus & Pisces: You are dealing with an Inconjunct, the Great Eliminator. You will have to make choices as to what you will leave behind be it a relationship, job, pattern, etc.

 Gemini & Aquarius: You will be in a Trine, an open flow of energy which may feel overwhelming. You will be doing lots of big processing due to the enormous amount of energy flowing through.

 Cancer & Capricorn: You will experience this energy as a Square, which means change will come through conflict.

 Leo & Sagittarius: This will be a productive, creative energy for you. You will need to show up consciously to receive the lessons/openings. (Otherwise it will largely pass you by).

 Libra: Intensity. Intensity. Intensity. That’s all.

 Virgo & Scorpio: Also intense, but not necessarily personally. It may just be all around you.

That's all. Know that I am holding you in the tender space of Grace, Ease, Flow and Allowing.

All Love.

Yet More Dominos Falling Part 2

Ok so Yogi Bhajan. As I am spending the day kind of on the lookout for the answer to my question (I sorta gave the Universe a deadline), a friend posts on Facebook a link from a Huffington Post Blog entitled "The Disturbing Mainstream Connections of Yogi Bhajan". Upon first seeing the image of the link, I feel very agitated, angry even. UGH! People are always trying to tear at the truth, always trying to muddy the water to create doubt in people's minds. I click on the link. And read the blog. Huh. I click through all the links, to websites where former followers are airing their grievances, to legal documents wherein Yogi Bhajan and his people are charged with some pretty serious allegations including sexual abuse and fraud. Bigger HUH. (Now my head is tilted and my eyes are squinty and I kind of have a stomach ache.) However once a journalist, always a journalist so I am not going to take the word of some disgruntled 'employees'. And anyone can accuse anyone of anything, right? Until I come upon a paper published by a PhD student at UC Santa Barbara about the 'Construction' of Yogi Bhajan's Kundalini Yoga. And it is annotated and footnoted and peer reviewed and verified. And it shows that the provenance of Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan is not a thousands-year old lineage of sacred knowledge. Not even close. It is a mish-mash of different ideas that he packaged and sold (for lots 'o cash) to hungry Westerners. And there's the clickity-clack of those dominos...

Ok. Deep breath. This is actually a really old story, and one I have heard over and over. There seems to be no end to tales of gurus taking advantage of their followers sexually, financially and otherwise. I have witnessed a version of this first hand. And it is certainly not the first time spiritual teachers have padded their resumes to give credence to their teachings. Gurus, like Yogi Bhajan, are human. I have come to terms with this already. I did not expect the guy - or anyone else - to be a saint. I was however kind of hooked into that thousands-of-years-old lineage idea. When I would tune in with the opening mantra, which I thought was me connecting into a golden chain of yogis who had been practicing this same technology for countless generations, I thought I was tapping into my cosmic ancestors. I felt myself a part of the soul collective of beings who found their way into sacred union with God through these same postures, kriyas and mantras. I could feel them in the movements, in the sounds, in the breath. And now, well, who knows what I feel.

I realized yesterday that historically I am very black and white when it comes to belief. If you are teaching me something, I must believe it 100% or I cannot believe it at all. If every thing you are saying is not true, then none of it can be true for me. I have left many a teacher because I realized that they were not 100%. And for a moment when I finally allowed myself to accept the broader truth of Yogi Bhajan and kundalini yoga, I wanted to reject it all, to just say nope and walk away. And I couldn't. Because it works. It works. When I do those postures and kriyas and mantras and pranayama, I feel it move and open and change my body on levels I didn't even know I had. I feel myself shift and evolve and become free of habitual pathways and constrictions. When life gets rough, I feel myself having the touchstone of the breath and the abiding presence of Grace. It is concretely showing up in my life. I am literally "better". My caliber is higher. My thoughts are clearer, more balanced, calmer. So whatever Yogi Bhajan created, it's profoundly effective for me, so I will continue to do it.

Perhaps the biggest gift of this whole thing is clear sight. The past 12 months have been about me removing the blinders I have so lovingly held in place so that I could feel safe in the world. I am allowing myself to see what I see, and mostly it's not pretty. Some days it feels like me and most everyone else behaving badly. I can see patterns I and others run, I can see our individual and collective foibles and weaknesses. And seeing has allowed me to let so much of it go in my own operating system, and to love what I cannot let go. To love all that I see in others. To finally come into contact with the deepest heart of compassion - which still has MUCH to teach me.

Seeing means releasing my illusions about myself, others, the world, reality. It can be devastating and ecstatic work, sometimes in the same day. There is grief and uncertainty and ultimately there is a kind of beautiful truth - that there is nothing to rely on for truth except my own heart. I am the only touchstone for me. That's it.  

Yet More Dominos Falling Part 1

Today was a big day. By big I mean I am a different person than I was when I woke up this morning. My trajectory has shifted. I have these days, when much is revealed to me, when my world view is imperceptibly yet ineffably changed. Sometimes these days come unbidden, where I seem to fall down the rabbit hole and find that the only way out is through, and I emerge on the other side different for the adventure, like Alice. Other times my own curiosity brings the day upon me, when I have a question forming inside me for a while, then it finally makes its way into the realm of language and I ask the Universe for the answer (which is just asking the greatest part of myself) and the answer comes. Always it comes.

Since late last year I have been investigating Kundalini Yoga. My gut told me I needed to and I listened as is my practice now, listening. Kundalini has opened up tremendous spaces in me, vast and formless places where I meet a much larger version of myself. This me, the big one, is pretty terrific, able to navigate dicey situations with immense grace. She is quiet, humble and incredibly strong, in a balanced, get-shit-taken-care-of way. I like her and am finding my way into loving her. It's a pretty cool engagement, one I am happily willing to invest my precious time in. My primary teacher is Guru Jagat of Rama Institute of Applied Technology in Venice. She kicks ass, period. Her primary teacher is Yogi Bhajan, who is no longer on this earth embodied. A few weeks ago she gave a teaching about the resonance of glyph languages, like Gurmukhi (a form like Sanskrit) and ancient Egyptian. (I believe Hebrew is also resonant in its presentation.) She included in the lecture the powerful vibrational resonance of looking into your guru's eyes, in this case a photo of Yogi Bhajan that is hung prominently in her studio. For whatever reason, this stuck with me. I have heard of this before obviously; many yogi's have photos of their gurus for this same download/transmission. Gugu Jagat is definitely downloading something; it is obvious in the caliber of her teachings and what they transmit to her students, namely myself. So I've been with this idea of Yogi Bhajan's image. So I google him and read his biography - impressive stuff about how he was essentially an awakened spirit from early boyhood. I loved the idea that he had brought these secret teachings of Kundalini Yoga (at the risk of death no less!) to the west so that people like me could become part of this ancient lineage, the so-called Golden Chain of devotees who purify their bodies and auras, who chant the ancient names of God, who tune in and become their highest selves. Sign me up, I'M ALL IN...

A few weeks ago I was in Rome. I didn't even want to go to Rome; Geoffrey and I had been there 17 years ago on our way to and from Africa. I felt I had seen it and had no desire to go back and I planned it anyway so that Nikki could see it. Fast forward to when Nikki doesn't go on the trip because she wants to go to Cheer camp and I end up spending four days in Rome that ABSOLUTELY BLOW ME OPEN. I am shown a deeper layer of 'reality' and 'truth' that obliterates all that I have stood on with regards to history. I discover there is really no such thing. Reality is so unrelentingly subjective, there is no way to know what actually happened, even if there are eye-witness accounts. Which, when you're talking ancient Rome, do not exist. All that exists in most cases are what's ground into the dust beneath 'current reality'. Now that's big for my brain. Me, with my hard-won degree in Journalism, my idealistic journalist-self who was obsessed with reporting things "as they actually happened" with as much objectivity as I could muster. What a joke. Years later I revisited all those stories I wrote and discovered right there in plain sight my own viewpoint that I then proved with just the right interviews and quotes. Anything can be spun to look like whatever we want. (Reality is essentially a squirrelly mother fucker.)

So I come home from Italy with the understanding that there really is no ground to stand on, no tried and true answers. Truth cannot be found out there in the world. I must feel it from within. And I get to start fashioning a world view where I must ask myself, "Are you ok with not having the ground to stand on? In your seemingly never-ending quest to understand yourself within the context of humanity and human evolution, do you get that the library just burned to the ground? That there is no external place to go to get answers?" Ah, except that there is a place to go- my yoga mat. My practice. Therein lies many answers.

And so. Guru Jagat offers a six-month course for women called Immense Grace. Even the name fits. Except that when I left my last teacher situation, I SWORE to myself that I was taking a very long break from courses of any kind, except self-directed, which is what my kundalini involvement has been thus far. Friends exert gentle pressure for me to lift my ban and take the course. And so the question begins rolling around in my head - is this for me to take? Is it right for me? And whenever I ask the question, the answer always comes... and this time the Universe decides to open yet another black hole beneath me...

To be continued...

Summer of Love

Late Summer Greetings! You all have been fully on my mind and in my heart and I can feel so much moving within each of you – life is so very big right now isn’t it?? Thankfully, we have been aware and even anticipating these times of big change, so that we can make the most of it. The energies of this summer are huge and one of the newsletters I follow (Dr. Michael Lennox) calls this the “Summer of Love.” We are being busted open, heart-first it seems. And all of the changes give us such great opportunities to expand ourselves into a higher caliber of Love, to create a life that is more in line with our higher selves. For me, my life feels a fig that has been turned inside out. All those years (decades, lifetimes) of forming in the dark and now the time is ripe, the fig is split open and all that was in darkness is starkly right there in front of me. I can allow myself to become overwhelmed and look away, casting myself into even deeper shadow, or I can stand in the face of it and just be. I choose the latter and I am finding such a beautiful place of acceptance and stillness with it. I am seeing myself, truly, deeply, from an unfettered vantage point for perhaps the first time in this lifetime. I am also seeing myself perfectly reflected in the world around me – every face, every heart, every situation and place. It is beautifully humbling and empowering – and exceedingly simple. What a gift.

The prevailing energies I am focusing on is Venus’s movement through the skies during July, August and the beginning of September. All of Venus’s motion during these months creates a ‘perfect storm’ of movement for us, exposing new levels of personal truth, showing us ways to expand into that truth and then helping us to manifest it here in the 3D. Aside from astounding symmetries/geometries that amplify and supercharge the full and new moons during this time, Venus also entered her retrograde period – July 25th through September 6^th.  Venus in retrograde gives us a chance to turn within, to examine all the lessons on Love that have been pouring into our experience since early July and to see what we have learned. How are we interacting with Love and Abundance in our lives? Where are we in our capacity to give and receive these gifts? If we work consciously with the energies, we can expand our capacity to experience Love and to live in and from the heart. Living from the heart means being entirely present to what is without judgment or resistance.  Just being with what is as it comes, bringing our whole-hearted attention to what is right in front of us. When we judge it by labeling it, making up stories or building cases to prove our righteousness, we are experiencing life through the filter of the mind. Likewise when we resist it by pushing it away or burying it (I don’t want to experience/feel/know this). In this way we live life through the filter of what we DON’T want and are constantly draining ourselves through the energy leak of resistance.  Living from the heart is like walking with a giant YES to everything, understanding that the world we see we have solely created for our learning and highest good. EVERY SINGLE THING is our own good showing up for us, period. When we embody this knowing, we can live in absolute acceptance – and gratitude - of all experiences and feelings. When the shit hits the fan as it will, we can say, “OK. Wow. What is this for? Why is this in my movie? What am I to learn/see here?” We can be in life from an empowered place, bringing all of our wisdom, skills, talents and ATTENTION to finding solutions and avenues for our next highest expression.  

On Friday, August 14^th, we have the New Moon in Leo and this is a WILDLY powerful one! The energies are about deepening the lessons activated by Venus in early July; when we add the new moon energy into this already potent cauldron of heart-opening mojo, a great window of newness and expansion is at hand. Consider doing ceremony at the New Moon, preferably using fire (in a nod to Leo) and using this time to create/set/manifest your desires around Love and Sexuality. Also consider using creative expression as ceremony – dance, sing, paint, however your heart directs you!

A theme for reflection this month is “How Is Your Love Life?” This means Love and Relationship in all forms – to a partner, family members, friends and most importantly with your self and your life. What is Love asking of you? How is it teaching and/or stretching you? How can you say YES to Love even more? You can write about this, talk about it with your loved ones or simply let the questions be with you. Ultimately you already know the answers and the questions are an invitation from you to you, to step into a more conscious engagement with Love. Everything we are, can be and will be is already right here, encoded into the filaments of our earthly and spiritual being. Now is a good time to decide to step up into a bigger you. Let go of all the crap you do to hold yourself back from truly thriving. Say yes to yourself and the entire cosmos conspires to support you!!

It's the Climb

Wow.  So sort of overnight I changed my life entirely, without realizing how profound this move would be.  Of course I knew it on a surface level, as I was leaving Malibu, leaving a house I loved, leaving a life-style that fed me constantly.  And on this side of it I realize that subconsciously Geoffrey and I both knew that living so isolated in the middle of nowhere was serving Nikki less and less as the years passed and that ultimately we would reach a tipping point where it wasn't good for her.  We actually reached that point two years ago, and yet we held on to our life on the mountain.  And then one day we were passing an Open House on the lake and we went in for fun and Geoffrey looked at me and said, "We should buy this house and move here for 4 years while Nikki is in high school".  Of course my answer was "I know" because I did know; I had known for some time.  We slept on it and the truth only became more apparent - it was without doubt the right thing to do for our girl.  With that, I turned my focus entirely to buying the new house; it fits our needs perfectly and I did not want to lose it to the other buyers who were circling.  Once the house was secured, all my attention went to packing the pyramid.  And once moved, all my energy (maniacally so) went into unpacking.  Then of course, reality set in.  And there is so much, SO MUCH to this new reality.

First, Nikki is much happier here.  She rarely had friends to the pyramid as rides were always a thing and for the past two years she has been embarrassed by how remotely we lived.  I don't understand how that is embarrassing and to a teenager apparently it was brutal.  Now she invites friends over; they swim and go out on the boat and have fun.  Last night her boyfriend came over.  She walks to Starbucks, to get her nails done, to pick up lunch.  She "has a life" now that most of her free time is not spent in the car going up and down the mountain.  She hangs out with us a little bit more as she likes to be in the family room.  She is already so much more independent and free.  What a blessing!  In a year and a half, she will learn how to drive, something that was likely not an option on the mountain.  Now she can learn on flat, straight, well-lit streets.  This is good.  And we can keep an eye on her throughout high school, as we plan to trick-out the loft in her room as the ultimate teen hang, so that our house becomes the place to be.  So she's all good.

Me, though, that's another journey.  I knew how much I loved my house, that was obvious.  I didn't realize how much I identified with living there and how much I relied on it for sustenance.  The pyramid house, the land and the mountain are sacred, and entirely magical to me.  I regularly saw things that took my breath away - the fog, the light moving across the ocean and canyons, the sunset, the moon set, the stars, the birds, the coyote, deer, and more occasionally the bobcats and mountain lion.  My walks were magical, surrounded by all of the above and held by the ancient sea bed - the rocks, fossils and caves.  I was constantly being fed by that place.  And now I am in a lovely house, in a gated, planned community that has streetlights.  STREETLIGHTS.  In the middle of the night, my house is flooded with artificial light streaming in from three sides.  I have to close the blinds against it.  The artificial light steals the moon and starlight; in fact I cannot even be in perfect moonlight, even when it's full.  At the pyramid, I always knew the approximate phase of the moon by the feel of the darkness or light around the house at night; not so here.  So now I get to make a concentrated effort to follow the moon phases based on a calendar rather than my own senses.  That's cool; eventually I will know the calendar innately and my body will learn to integrate the days of the moon perfectly.  That seems to be the thread here - in this house I will learn now to navigate life a bit differently.  The things that were 'easy' on the mountain - quiet, stillness, peace - will need to be found in other ways, through different channels than simply sitting down and allowing the place to wow me.  Although the lake is beautiful, it's not as showy as the mountain - it is more of a constant, subtle beauty.  I am already growing different eyes to see it.  I am learning the myriad birds who live here and nest in the surrounding trees.  And the trees here are so beautiful - I have already made new friends among the Standing Tall Ones.  As far as people, this place is an entirely different vibe from the mountain and Malibu.  I don't see myself reflected much in this community.  And you know what?  That's cool because I am strong enough to be a different kind of reflection for them.  That's also why I'm here.

And so, I will be with the lake and learn what it has to teach me.  The pyramid was all Fire and Earth; this place is Water and Air.  Hmmm, feels like a necessary and balancing cycle.  Perhaps this is why my meditations are so deep here - I drop in deeply almost instantaneously, like I do when I'm in Hawaii.  I can't count how many times I've wished that my meditations were so easily deep at home...and now they are.  Here I even have a meditation room, filled with all my stones and books and tools and it's become an incredible sanctuary.

Also, I have committed to making great use of all the time I used to spend driving and waiting.  I am diving deep into Kundalini yoga and it no longer feels like I have to aggressively eek out time to do a long practice.  The benefits of that in every single aspect of my life are tremendous, beyond description.  And I'm writing.  Regularly.  Words, again, fail to convey the happiness writing brings to my life.

Geoffrey and I have a different life here, one that is more active and social.  This also feels like a necessary cycle and one my body is pretty excited about.  And so, I'm here.  My intention to rock this place is beginning to pan out.  Three weeks ago I could feel the possibility of being sucked under into a sadness I couldn't name, and I had to rely heavily on all my tools (another gift) so that I could facilitate my experience with excellence. (Gratitude to all those who held me; I could feel you and it helped!)  As our life here begins to emerge as clarity, as grace, as a new and exciting adventure, I'm diving in.  Literally.

Still in the Wormhole

Wow.  I am deep in the washing machine of this month's crazy geometry.  We had the Full Solar Eclipse at the New Moon Spring Equinox that kicked things off last week and we're in the spin cycle until the Full Moon Full Lunar Eclipse on April 4th (which will be visible from North America!!)  Every year we have this wormhole and every year I ride it entirely and feel it profoundly.  This year the geometries have some absolutely astounding symmetries, allowing us to go deeper than ever before.

There are thousands (if not millions) of sites that write about these geometries and every one has a slightly different spin.  Each of us will have a unique experience based on our birth charts.  The bottom line for me is that I can feel the solidity of my constructed world falling away; it has been getting less and les dense over the past months and during this wormhole, I feel like I can blow it apart with my breath, like those dandelion balls I used to blow on as a kid.  A new layer of truth is being revealed about this Reality and it's big ya'll.  Karma is a construct we created out of the extreme density of this realm.  We carry all this crap forward from every incarnation and then we think the only way to get rid of it is to balance it by 'paying' it back.  Karma is bunk.  We were never meant to carry anything other than the jewel of the experience forward.  We lost sight of that truth eons ago, and it's starting to make its way back into our collective consciousness as the energies quicken and we realize our multi-dimensional selves.  If you are living strictly in the 3D, this sounds like gibberish to you and you should likely find a different blog to read, one that is fully steeped in the density of matter, the suffering, the war, the struggle.  If you are reading this and some part of you awakens ever so slightly, perhaps you should read on.  When we reclaim our fullness as multi-dimensional creator beings, we break the cycle of karma. I'll say that again. WHEN WE RECLAIM OUR FULLNESS AS MULTI-DIMENSIONAL CREATOR BEINGS, WE BREAK THE CYCLE OF KARMA.  And during this wormhole we have the very real possibility of simply laying down our karma. TO SET IT DOWN and continue forward free and clear to create from our purest urge, not from our past crap.  Setting  down our karma means allowing ourselves to see, truly see, with all our infinite number of 'eyes' the whole truth of ourselves, light and dark, and to accept and love ourselves in all of it.

A major practice we could be in RIGHT NOW to support this process is a simple bringing in of Light everyday.  This is going to sound really trite and try it anyway.  Barring a really long and probably boring explanation, the multi-dimensional part of you can be summed up as pure white Light.  You still have the phone number of God/Creator/Great Sprit/Whatever You Call It.  You can simply sit in meditation and with the breath, bring pure white Light from the cosmos through the crown of your head and down into your belly region.  If you don't know what that's about, just imagine a beam of pure white Light coming down from the sky into the top of your head and into your belly.  Now condense the light into a really powerful ball, then spread that Light into your heart (hold it there for a few minutes) and then spread it into your whole body, into your whole house, into your town, into your state, into your country and then throughout the whole planet. LEAVE THAT LIGHT THERE, and pull your attention back to your own body which is still completely infused with Light, and then 'merge' with Divine Light, God Light, Pure Truth.  And then, as you go about your day, infuse every situation with that Light.  Just infuse every area of your life with that Light.  Read an article about fracking?  Infuse fracking with that white Light.  Someone nearly creamed you on the freeway?  Infuse that person and yourself with Light.  Your 14-year-old daughter jack-hammering your quietude?  Infuse both of you with Light.  You don't have to see or create any outcome; just see the situation and infuse it with pure white Light. Do that for a while and see what changes in your life.

For myself, I am being uber present to my kundalini yoga practice as well, as it is allowing my physical body to hold the Light.  I follow Guru Jagat at Rama Yoga Institute for Applied Science and Technology.  All of her classes are game-changing and she televises each and every one so that you can do it from your own home.  Rama-tv.com.  Tara Matthew's Art of the Daily Practice is also a good source.  When I first started doing kundalini yoga, I had a ten year practice of let's just call it Flow Yoga.  I hated kundalini, thought it was weird, and was just simply like "NO".  Thankfully my beautiful teacher at the time, Rev. Kate Roger, had taught/reminded me how to work through resistance and I broke through into the unspeakably beautiful jewel that kundalini offers me.  Resistance can be our deep knowing that this is truly not for us and resistance can be our ego saying no, don't go down there, you'll wake up from the illusion that you ARE your ego and then where will I be?  

Bust through. Truly live, multi-dimensionally, in all your glory.  And then share that glory/Light with the world.  Please.  Thank you.

March

Blessings Beloveds! This month of March is a doozy. Lots happening planetarily and the good news is when we move through it with consciousness, we actively create our experience and get the best ride, like catching a wave and surfing it to the end. The big players this month are the Pluto/Uranus Square, a solar eclipse and the Spring Equinox. This P/U square has been with us since last June and will culminate this month on the 17^th, the same day the eclipse portal opens. The Pluto/Uranus Square is all about dismantling and destruction, which essentially entails burning down the house. The energies have been so intense that we have not really had a choice in the matter. Some planetary aspects are sort of ‘voluntary’ in that we can look away, hide out under the covers and become more entrenched in our illusions so that we are not consciously affected.  Not so this one; within this portal, everything burns whether we’re ready or not. We have been up to this for at least eight months and for me personally, it has been a somewhat gentle process, although yes, everything has changed again and again to the point where my life is hardly recognizable. Throughout we are asked to release and let go of that which is naturally falling away – hopefully with grace and ease – so that the next iteration of our lives can spring forth. Barring grace and ease, this can be an incredibly messy, bloody process, a real mf'er as it were. If this is your experience, just breath, meditate, deepen your self care and know that the end of this particular cycle is near. The end of this month might be a good time to journal around “Who am I now that I’ve released this story, pattern, belief, behavior, person, job, house, town? (You get the picture). What’s next? What do I want my life to look like in six months? For the next year, for the next 10 years?” You get to construct it, so why not do it mindfully? You are the architect, designer, contractor and builder.

 

We are tremendously helped in this deconstruction/letting go/rebuilding by this eclipse season. We have a total solar eclipse on March 20^th – total equals maximum intensity - followed hours later by the Spring Equinox and the New Moon.  Eclipses are pause moments, where we get to reboot the system and integrate all the wisdom/upgrades we’ve accumulated on our journey towards higher consciousness. This, preceded by the last Pluto/Uranus Square and followed by an Equinox New Moon makes for a dramatic portal of destruction, releasing, integrating and then turning towards what’s next. We get to plant our new seeds of Spring from a beautifully purified vantage point, on the other side of this intense experience the planets have led us through and held for us. How great is that?!

 

 How can we move through this month mindfully? I would begin with journaling/reflection. Journaling is most powerful as it opens avenues of often hidden thought and information that then get to come into the 3D so that we may examine and work with them. I would suggest journaling about how your life has changed over the past year. What has fallen away? Can you see why it was with you and what it taught you? Who are you now that you experienced it? Can you see why it had to fall away? Who are you now that you’ve let it go? Is there more you can release? What’s the best way to do that? I find when I ask myself the question, the answer inevitably follows. I will wake up with it, or it will simply show up in my consciousness. We can also support ourselves this month with ceremony, honoring where we’ve been, where we are now and where we’re going. Then we get to ride the energy of the Spring Equinox, the sun’s ‘new year’ when it enters the first house of the zodiac, Aries. This sign is all about creation and movement, with a bullet, through any terrain. So get to it. Consciously create what’s next. The world is waiting with baited breath to see your brilliance evolve and shine!!

February's Gifts

Brilliant Ones! My goodness, spring has sprung in Southern California, and particularly in my orchard, which is awash in new blossoms. The walnut trees have announced themselves in their typical grand style and the citrus are beginning to perfume the air with a scent that makes me swoon. And of course the grasses are the indescribable green of brand new beginnings. Like the orchard, I can feel the endless possibilities of ‘What Will Be’ stirring within me. This time of year is always a bit confusing to my body, as it is still technically winter and yet Spring has most definitely arrived. And then we will have a cold spell and winter will reassert itself and then it will turn warm again, and so on. Spring brings to mind thoughts of cleaning out, clearing out, beginning anew. And yet it’s not quite time, as winter has not fully run its course. The seeds are not quite ready to break ground. And so we renew our commitment to nurturing the seeds we planted as intentions perhaps at the Winter Solstice, perhaps at the New Year, or both. Revisit your hearts, your journals, anywhere you recorded your intentions for 2015. Ask the vision of your life how it wants to be served; now is the time to start laying the ground for what will reveal itself as you this year. Dream. Envision. Re-empower your commitments. Make that phone call, schedule that appointment, have that conversation. When Spring arrives in March, it has an energy and momentum that is undeniable and wildly useful. Be ready to jump in and work with it fully so that your vision for your life is wholly supported by your actions. When in doubt, or when you have choices to make, pick the one that most supports your vision. Ask yourself again and again “Does this choice/action/thought support my vision for my life?” Listen to the answer, you are infinitely wise!
 

On another note, we are deeply in Mercury Retrograde and will be until the 11^th. This is a particularly powerful cycle; in the outside world it is seen as the great interrupter of travel, communications and the like. We are told not to initiate projects or sign contracts, etc. This is essentially because Mercury (ruler of the mind) in its retrograde period takes us deeply into our interior, and ultimately into an underworld of sorts. As we are essentially in another realm during this time, it can be a deeply nutritious dive if we work with it consciously. The retrograde phase brings us we closer to the spirit world; we are more oriented in our right-brain, where intuition and heightened sensitivities live. We have deeper inner sight; we can see and feel things about ourselves and others that have perhaps been hidden. (Hidden because we don't want to see, we don't want to know.) In this place, we tend to question our perceptions, to question everything, which allows us to re-orient, re-evaluate, re-invent. It can be very powerful work!!

 

The new moon in Aquarius happens on February 18^th, when Mercury is stationing direct, meaning it no longer gives the impression of moving backward and now appears motionless in the sky. This is the time we get to integrate all that the retrograde phase brought up for us. Good stuff!  That, coupled with the new moon, is a fruitful time to work, so let’s get to it!

  And, just because, I will take this moment to offer my deepest gratitude to all who use this blog and my Circle to dive into the adventure of knowing yourselves more authentically. When you shine a light on your own being, you light up the entire world and I am eternally grateful to you for that.

 

 

January Newsletter

Greetings Beloved Ones!

Sending Bright New Year’s Blessings to each of you. I trust this finds you settling nicely into a new solar spin. As last year’s energies were over lit with ‘spiritual exploration’, 2015 is all about the ‘abundant and new’. We are being asked to do things differently. From our overriding growth of last year - finding our footing, allowing ourselves to see and incorporate all aspects of ourselves, warts and all - we are now being asked to be this expanded being in the world. We are being asked to dismantle and release the way we do just about everything so that our newly revealed authentic selves may dictate how things are going to roll from here on out. This means allowing our hearts full reign to act as boss. That’s it.

 

For myself, for starters, it means releasing my age-old conversation that I am not a morning person, that’s it’s really hard for me to get up out of bed early. This does not mean I work through it, no. It means I say “F---  it, I’m done with that conversation. I’m releasing that thought form into the dirt as it were, just giving it back to the field of illusion from which it arose. Thank you illusion, for all you held and taught and now goodbye. I’m going to just start getting up to do my kundalini practice first thing before the school run. I’m going to let the larger yes of my commitment to kundalini and myself override the illusion of no.  So I get out of bed. And on the mornings I don’t, it’s not a big deal. I am gentle with myself. My skipping a day does not mean anything other than I skipped a day. I simply get up the next day. And as it turns out, I’m actually fine getting up early and am finding myself quite the eager morning person on my mat. Also, regular kundalini is changing absolutely everything about how I am showing up as my life. Thank you Breath, thank you Spaciousness!

 

And so, let’s start this year off with some clear sight. The new moon in Aquarius, exact tomorrow (Tuesday) at 5:14am PST, brings us the gift of new perspective, and since it is in the first degree of Aquarius, in brand new territory as it were, this potent new moon supports us in activating and initiating what’s next. We have spent an entire year facing the karma of our past; let’s release what we’ve worked through and create what’s next and true for us. Let’s allow our hearts to lead so that we are ‘drawn by the stronger pull of that which we truly love’ (Rumi). Let’s delegate our minds to simply noticing what’s present for us. Our thoughts about what’s present are not meaningful…let them float through. Notice what you need to see in order to shine light on and release old patterning. And check in with the heart again and again and again. It knows…

 

Inner Gangsta

In the 6th grade when she was 12 years old, my daughter discovered rap music and fell head-long in love, her first love really.  My skinny, long-limbed, sparkly spoiled Southern California white princess dropped into it HARD.  She went from Macklemore to Eminem to Dr. Dre to Snoop Dog (the chronic) and the like.  She went from rainbow sparkles to black on black, head-bands and bows to thick black eye-liner and Doc Martens.  We let her listen to whatever she wanted, as she was going to anyway, sanctioned by us or not.  She started out with the clean versions of everything which for some songs is really just humming; by 7th grade, she made her way into the explicit.  And so every morning, when we get into the car for our 25 minute drive to school, she's the DJ, and anything goes.

I have a mind that likes a bone; I love riddles and koans and anything that keeps my monkey mind busy so that I can get on with living from my heart.  And my mind learns lyrics really well, always has.  So when I listen to rap for at least an hour a day, the same songs over and over again, my brain learns every single word after a while.  And so we sing these lovely ballads together in the car "I don't give a fuck, I don't give a fuck, I don't, I don't, I don't give a fuck, bitch I don't give a fuck about you or anything that you do..."  The nastier the lyrics, the more fun we have singing them at the top of our lungs, like we're really extra cool.  (Sometimes we discuss the songs and use them for discourse on human nature but that's a different post.)  On the mornings where I tell my daughter I just can't face her music that day, she says "Come on mom, it's our jam, it's how we do", which works every time because how am I going to deny my girl our jam?  And you know what?  I am beginning to understand something about rap music - albeit from an affluent white woman in her 50's perspective.  It speaks to the gangster in me, that totally bad ass 'I'm a fuck you up' girl who doesn't take any shit from anyone.  Who fights back.  Who calls it as she sees it, without fear.  When I was a girl, Bruce Springsteen was about as close as I got to this.  Bruce told me to get the hell out of Jersey and I listened.  I bolted the summer after high school and never looked back.  When I listen to E Street radio now, I realize how influential Bruce Springsteen was back then; how his lyrics allowed me to find a place in me that knew that yes, I too needed to get the hell out.  I too was born to run, to break free and hide out on the back streets.  Those songs and those lyrics became my anthem, my riding music, and they gave me the courage to be that girl who ran away from everything she knew.

Rap is doing the same with my girl.  It is allowing her to explore this really tough bitch who lives inside of her and is basically like "eff you, I'm a do shit my own way."  Sometimes I know she is picking a song on purpose to sing the lyrics to me, as a message she can't otherwise say ("bitch shut yo trap").  The more I witness this, the more I see the value of her inner gangsta; it's allowing her to explore that raw power - without being incited to violence or misogyny.  And interestingly enough, she has also gone back to listening to the sound track of High School Musical, which is almost sickly sweet in its straight-laced idealism.  So rap is not necessarily informing who she is in the outside world; it is just exposing her to a side of herself she can own, integrate and use when necessary - a tough girl who is capable of handling herself, sticking up for herself and having her own back.  Like Snoop Dog, she is the shiiit, beeitch....

Anyway, as it turns out, there is a down side.  I definitely overuse 'motha fucka' and quite often find that after hours of hearing (and sometimes singing along) with a song in my head, what I'm actually singing is something along the lines of "take a bullet with some dick and get this dope off this jet."  I do find myself dreaming of the day when my daughter has her own car and her own jam.  And I can go back to my jam of yoga chants and the like. 

I ain't never gonna give up my inner gangsta tho, no.  That ho is way too bad ass to let go...