THIS SHIT WORKS

Holiday Greetings from Utah! I'm snuggled in, watching the snow (blowing sideways) and giving myself the gift of long, deep practice.

There is a lot happening astrologically as I'm sure you're aware. The last new moon of the year passed and it's proximity to Saturn's transit into Capricorn, Mercury stationing direct and the Winter Solstice increases it potency - making it an especially good time to set intentions for the coming year. The Moon cycle is roughly a month long, offering us a regular practice of working with a creation cycle - planting seeds, nourishing the new shoots, harvesting the crop and clearing the field to prepare for the next cycle. Here is a great website that clearly explains the phases: http://astromagickal.com/new-moon.html

Here is another website that offers yogic practices to coincide with the moon:

http://www.spiritvoyage.com/blog/index.php/how-do-moon-phases-affect-your-energy/  

And if you're having the thought "Oh no, I've missed the window!", let me say a few words about that. Affirmations and intentions work 24/7. If you set 'new moon' intentions on the first quarter moon, the cosmos is not going to reject them. Intentions work with cosmic law and are powerful any day of the year. The only thing that keeps your intentions from coming to fruition is your own subconscious thoughts about them. If deep down you are running patterns of 'not enough' or 'not worthy' or 'don't deserve' or 'that will never happen' - your intentions will not come to pass. This is why we need to do the work of cleaning out the basement of our subconscious minds - so that we can step into the true reality that we are creators of the highest order, made up of the stuff of God. If we are 'pure of spirit' (got a clean basement because we've cleaned out all the programming we received in our formative years), we can create a reality based on our choices of who/what we want to be - and who we DECLARE ourselves to be - rather than on what the world tells us is valuable. The 'special days' like New Moon, Full Moon, Solstice, Eclipses, etc. are super-charged energetically, which just means we will be amplified if we work deeply on those days. But make no mistake - work deeply every day and the cosmos will match us, helping to create the world of our choosing.

How to create your own reality? If you've been reading my newsletters/blog, you are likely aware that I'm a huge fan of Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan. This yoga is weird to the extreme which is why I tried to reject it - unsuccessfully - for five years. I kept coming back to it because it works. I could feel energy gathering, moving, brightening in my body and auric field for the first time in my life. And the more I came back to it, the stronger it grew. Now I do it every single day and it is a vital part of my functionality. A regular practice will bring up all your shit; as it consistently raises your vibration, the low vibratory places in you are exposed. It's a completely different way of working spiritually; rather than having to go in and dredge up all the crap in your unconscious (from this lifetime and others), you are literally dosing yourself with...I hesitate to say...the truth of Supernal Light and yet that's exactly what it feels like. And that Light clears your shit out, brightens your aura, makes you spacious, allows you to respond to life rather than react. It allows you enough presence in any moment to actually take it in completely to see the truth of it, rather than running every dammed thing through your fucked-up false filters. Doesn't that sound lovely?  I have watched as friends surrender to Kundalini and every one of them becomes increasingly brighter, clearer, happier. Bottom line, this shit works. 

Astrologically, we are in a time of 'The Shit Is Hitting The Fan'. Technically we have come out of a long cycle of being asleep, where confusion, illusion, having no idea who/what we really are, fighting one another for resources, etc. reigned. And although we've entered into an age of awakening, we are literally in the throes of the turnover and those throes are likely to last for the remainder of my lifetime. The old Piscean patriarchy is not going down without a fight; the good news is we know it ultimately will go down - and it will be a nasty fight to the death. This is currently playing out on the world stage in a big way. This time of chaos reminds me of something I learned from scuba diving; wherever two separate bodies of water meet up, the diving is incredibly tumultuous and incredibly rich because every creature under the sun is in those crazy waters. We experienced this in Tobago, where the Caribbean Sea meets the Atlantic Ocean at the very tip of the island. The diving is surreal; the best dive is called 'Washing Machine' and we saw things on that dive that were hard to fathom. And we are without doubt in the washing machine of the meetup of the Ages of Pisces and Aquarius, so best get used to it. And best to get yourself as bright and calm as possible now so that 1) you can survive these times without becoming an addict of some kind (drugs, alcohol, sex, anger, Instagram, Netflix) and 2) you get so bright you are able to help facilitate others into their brightness.

To that end, here are some ideas on how to interact with Kundalini Yoga; classes can be hard to find because it hasn't yet completely taken root in the US. If you live in Los Angeles or New York City, there are Rama Yoga studios owned by my teacher Guru Jagat. Otherwise, thanks to the miracle of modern technology, you can take classes from wherever you are in the world on the Rama website, with either a yearly or monthly membership that is very reasonably priced. Rama's mission is to get these tools out into the world; if you cannot afford a membership, reach out to them and they will work with you. This is a new model of commerce that is about more than money! I do my practice through the website and it is as potent as doing it live in person with the teacher. I know this because I did virtual, on-line classes with Guru Jagat for about 6 months and when I finally decided to drive the hour to Venice to do a workshop, I realized that there was no difference between sitting in the studio or doing it on-line. The full mojo comes through on-line, largely because of her radiance and also because they film it as though you are sitting in the back of the class, so you really get the feeling of the group experience. Apart from daily classes (with a huge archive to choose from), they also offer on-going immersive experiences as well as special workshops that coincide with potent days like Solstice. I follow Guru Jagat mostly and also enjoy Harijiwan, Tej and Harmanjot's classes. Each teacher has a completely different vibe; find the one that works for you.

Ramayogainstitute.com

Sometimes full length classes can feel overwhelming for a beginner so I will offer up my small practice, which is what I do when I don't make time for a long practice. These kriyas clear and fuel me so that I have a higher functionality throughout the day. And when I do them every single day, well, my entire life glows. I created two small videos of my practice, originally for a few women in my Circle who asked for it specifically. Those who are engaging with it are really benefitting, so I've decided to share them. The first video is an explanation of what I'm doing and the second is the actual practice. I would strongly encourage you to watch the first one first so that you can get the most out of the practice. Disclaimer: I AM NOT A KUNDALINI YOGA TEACHER. I am not called to that path. I am a practitioner, sharing my practice. I checked in with a dear friend who is a teacher and she felt my practice was deep enough to warrant my sharing. Another disclaimer: Kundalini is very specific, a technology, so details do matter. That said, as I lengthened into my practice, I could feel some things working for me while others didn't. I could feel my own field respond or not. Trust yourself. Ultimately you are the only expert on you, so once you begin to feel your subtle energy body, allow it's wisdom to lead you rather than the kriyas. The explanations I give in the first video are mine, they are how I have come to feel and know the mantras and kriyas. I encourage you to research the mantras so that you can find your own way into what they mean for you. The individual words are multi-layered to the extreme - there is no single 'interpretation.

Mantras:

Tune-in:
Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo (repeat 3 times)

Aad Guray Nameh
Jugaad Guray Nameh
Sat Guray Nameh
Siri Guru Dayvay Nameh
(repeat 3 times)

Practice:
Sa Ta Na Ma

Sat Nam

Sat Nam Sat Nam Wahe Guru Wahe Guru

Sat Nam (tune-out)

I originally recorded the videos on my iPhone, and am unable to upload them here although I can email a link to a drop box. If you are interested, email me at jaclyngelb@gmail.com

If you aren't interested in the video, you can google each kriya for the specifics. There are videos available for every single one.

SMALL PRACTICE: for all kriyas, I suggest starting with one minute and working your way up to 3 minutes each. The last kriya can be done for 11 or 31 minutes.

1) Tune in.
2) Ego Eradicator
3) Addiction Meditation
4) Fists of Anger
5) Sat Kriya
6) Gyan Chakra Meditation
7) Tune out.

I suggest pausing between each kriya so that you can deepen into the beautiful energy you're creating. These small seven steps CAN CHANGE YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. (AND NO I'M NOT EXAGGERATING). 

Try it, reject it, hate it, come back to it, find your way into loving it. Report back.

Blessings for a grand 2018!! 

All Love,
Jaclyn

THANK YOU HARVEY WEINSTEIN

Fall Greetings Sweet Humans.

If you're reading this newsletter, you likely have some form of relationship with the subtle inward-looking energies, so I'm sure you're feeling this deep New Moon that just passed, and the final stages of Saturn in Sagittarius. Saturn is 'the great teacher', the maker and bringer of lessons. If Earth is a school, Saturn is the Headmaster. And in Sagittarius the syllabus is about transparency and authenticity. As Saturn prepares to leave Sagittarius on December 19th, there is a big push to make sure all the lessons have been presented, so the energy will intensify. The hidden will become known, those areas that have been veiled in delusion will come to light. Those places where we've all been complicit in collective illusion will be brought to our attention in a big way. Hmmm. Any of this sounding familiar? **

For me personally, what's up in the collective with regards to what I'll call 'The Harvey Weinstein Effect' is an incredible gift to humanity. All this time I thought HW came to Earth to present beautiful films that stir our hearts and imaginations. Now I realize he also came to be a very toxic male energy that was vile to the extreme, so that when exposed, we could not demur and look away. We have all been complicit in his behavior. And by 'his' I mean the toxic masculine. I've been complicit by ignoring and pushing aside years of unwanted sexual touch and advances. I was complicit in college when I was date raped; although I told everyone about it - to warn them to stay away from that guy - I did not even consider going to the police and pressing charges as I should have. I didn't even have a concept that I had a right not to be raped. This is an uncomfortably familiar story in the feminine collective. We have for generations somehow passed on this gene of passivity, complacency, the thinking that as long as we come out of it alive, we're good. And Harvey Weinstein took it SO far, he finally ignited the voice of a solitary woman. And her courage spread so much that women are awakening en masse to the fact that HOLY SHIT WE HAVE A VOICE. And the good men of America are holding the container for this truth to be known and flourish. That's a lot.

In my personal interaction with the HW Effect, I am investigating why I stayed silent all my life up to this point. What drove that? Why did I never call out the ones who treated me inappropriately? In my head I say because I never really cared about their advances, they did not harm me personally because I thought they were just jerks, mesmerized by their penises, 'bad' men, who could never actually touch the truth of me. Now I realize that by not defending myself, I gave them permission to continue to act that way with me AND WITH OTHER WOMEN - woman who maybe didn't have the tools to hold themselves in the midst of that. Women who might make it mean something about themselves, that they are weak, unworthy, or ___________. We all have a responsibility to speak out against injustice for ourselves, yes, and also for others. We will only change this culture of silence together.

So thanks to Harvey Weinstein, I am finding my voice in a new way. I'm noticing when I silence or coerce myself during the course of a day. The other evening I received a call from the Geffen Theater, asking for money to support its program that brings inner-city kids in to see theater shows. I typically cut these calls off immediately, saying NO THANK YOU and hanging up but I'm a member of the Geffen so I thought the call was about that. As he began his spiel, I noticed my body become weary with the thought "DANG IT now I'm going to have to donate money to a cause I don't care about." And this time I really heard that thought and was all "OH NO YOU DONT!" and when he finished I politely told him that while it sounded like a lovely program, it wasn't in my donating dollars wheel house. THAT FELT SO GOOD. While this may seem small, IT'S HUGE YA'LL. Every time we remain silent or do something that doesn't jive with our authentic values, we weaken our boundaries, we leak our precious energy and power. Every time. And when we get comfortable doing it with small things, it becomes very easy to do it with bigger things. This is the road to chronic disempowerment which has been the feminine condition for millennia. Thus the HW Effect.

So using our lives as Course Work, this is an excellent time to dive into your own story around Voice and Power. How do you relinquish it on the regular? How do you hold your boundaries in the face of a toxic masculine? In my own inquiry, I was shocked by the speed and depth of the revelations - it was like a river whose dam burst. This stuff is right below the surface yet has remained hidden. And knowing about it will change everything. As we reclaim our voices, it's VITAL that we speak from a place of self-honoring rather than defending against or judging the other. Self-honoring aligns us with the Divine Feminine, while defending and judging only fuel the toxicity. Standing in self-honoring allows the masculine to find his own voice of honor - this is the way forward now. 

Be brave, go deep, leave no stone unturned. And sing - it will help your voice to emerge powerfully and beautifully. Report back.

At this season of Thanks-Giving, I am grateful for you, for your willingness to be here reading these words, adding your voice to the human healing collective. I'm grateful for your wisdom, your heart, your unique gifts that you deliver with style and generosity. Thank you for working to be your best self, striving to live your highest life, for in doing so you elevate all others. I love you. Also, a shout out to all those who personally experienced Harvey Weinstein's atrocious behavior. I offer you love, compassion, hope and healing. Thank you for your part in this tremendous moment of awakening.

Lastly, a genuine and heart-felt Thank You Harvey Weinstein. Your actions are moving mountains.

**Thank you Dr. Michael Lennox for the crux of this teaching.

DE-GRIEFING

Years ago I was in a sweat lodge in the capacity of an 'elder', holding the ones in the lodge as they moved through an initiation I had transitioned through a few years prior. For me, the heat, darkness and sanctity of sweat lodge allows so much to dislodge inside me, old stuck energies that get burned up in the fire. It's incredibly powerful work. That night, the lodge was packed and there was barely room to breathe. And it was really, really hot. As it progressed, I managed to fold myself into child's pose, my belly between my knees, my forehead to the earth. As the participants softened and opened, they began wailing, first one, then a few, then all of them. The energy was unbelievable - lifetimes of grief pouring like a tide that had been held back for eons. I did not wail as I was not in lodge to journey with them; I was there to assist in holding their journey. Suddenly I felt their collective grief like a swirling vortex of supercharged energy, tunneling right into the back of my heart, through my body and down into the earth. My first thought was fear, because the energy was HUGE and felt like it could tear me apart. And then I noticed it was simply moving through me as I grounded it into the dirt. It wasn't actually affecting me in any way. I was a channel for it to ground. That night changed my life, shifted my understanding of the human vessel, showed me what a body could hold and move. Since then, I allow grief to move through me whenever it comes. 

Grief encompasses a whole compliment of heavy emotions - rage, anguish, resentment, desolation, dejection, despair. These unexpressed emotions live inside all of us and are most often what we talk ourselves out of feeling, because we want to avoid pain and because of an underlying belief that these dark places will kill us. The part of us that fears death is the ego - the illusion of separation that many of us use as an operating system for our whole lifetime. Awakening is realizing that we are more than our ego with its false beliefs. We are more than our stories, our thoughts, our secrets, our weaknesses. We are multi-dimensional creator gods with abilities, proclivities and capacities beyond our imaging. When we begin to embody this understanding, absolutely everything about our lives change. A major component of this work is clearing our physical vessel of the gunk of lifetimes, like steam cleaning an engine. And grief is extremely viscous gunk that adversely affects our entire being. The good news is that we don't necessarily have to understand what we're clearing and releasing - we just have to be willing to lay on the ground and wail, allowing it to simply move through and out of us. And when we're done, we can literally get up, dust ourselves off and carry on as before. No need to build an alter to the grief, process or assign it any meaning. Only to keep moving forward, minus the grief.

Are you up for this work? Can allow yourself to let go of your grief? Can you know that it won't kill you? Are you safe enough within your own skin to hold yourself and let it go? I'm not talking about feeding it with stories about why you should be grieving - that's just drama. I'm talking about opening yourself, accessing wherever it lives in you and then screaming, breathing, crying it out. When we learn to do this, and when we soften (and strengthen) enough to hold the whole human story, we become channels for collective grief. It is bigger than we can imagine and yet it will not kill us if we allow it to simply move through the container of our bodies and into the earth. And we're not just in service to the feminine here because men carry this grief as well; on an archetypal level, the masculine is well aware of its role in the trauma writ large in the feminine story. And men have had plenty of trauma themselves, in the endless cycles of competition and war over resources, in lifetimes of strictly serving the ego.

The masculine and feminine, in their highest, divine expressions, yearn for balance because only in balance can they be fully expressed. One cannot be completely fulfilled without the balanced dance and interplay with the other, for truly they are two sides of a single coin. (Please note, I am not speaking strictly of 'couple' experiences, i.e. marriage. I am not saying "You are nothing without a man". I'm talking about the wholeness within the Self, where we are in a constant dance of our own masculine and feminine energies. I am talking about wholeness within all of our relationships, with fathers, mothers, siblings, friends, beloveds, partners.) When a woman can fully embody the fullness of her Divine Feminine energy, she invites the Divine Masculine to the party.

What is the Divine Feminine exactly? It is the eternal, unchanging Principle that is our connection to Source – to Love, Creation, Nature. She is the Mother, the embodiment of Love, the vessel of unification, the physical with the eternal. She is Kali, a fierce warrior who destroys illusions. She is the Magdalene, the compassionate healer. She is the Oracle, the seer, the keeper of Wisdom and Balance. She is the Lover and the Dancer, who engages Earth energies like Wonder and Magic, who delights in the pleasures of the senses. She is womb, water, flow, life, stillness, enjoyment. Joy. She is the initiator, always, as everything comes through the Feminine.

And so as women, it's time to initiate. It's time to do our clearing work, to release our grief, to build up our nervous systems so that we can hold - and live from - the bigger truth of what we are. No more playing small. We deserve the best of everything. And the world deserves the best of us.

ALL WORK IS MOTHER WORK

Equinox Blessings Beloveds! As September draws to a close, I find myself counting my blessings, offering gratitude for the ever-present abundance that is my life and allowing myself to feel more deeply than ever before. I write this from an airplane on my way home from Hawaii where my beloved and I just completed a five day workshop on Sacred Relationship and Sexuality that has opened me in ways I cannot yet fathom. And always in perfect timing as the prevailing energies now through the end of the year are all about Relationship, so we will be deeply supported as we integrate and expand on the work.

The work was largely about embodying archetypes and how the Divine Masculine and Feminine work together to form wholeness and balance in Relationship. We just passed the Fall Equinox, a balance point in Earth’s yearly journey around the sun, when day and night are of equal length, offering us an archetypal moment to feel our own still point of balance. Do we hang out in the light, forsaking darkness? Do we shun our own darkness out of shame or fear? Do we allow ourselves to be the full spectrum? As humans we are all of it and to function fully we must have understanding or at least knowledge of our dark side, otherwise when it comes online – as it always will - we’ll go unconscious. Or we’ll subvert, pervert, mask or whatever else we habitually do to avoid owning it.

What does that look like in the real world?

Say as a child I was not noticed or praised. Part of the feminine ‘package’ is the inherent desire to be noticed and praised and so when I did not receive it, I subverted the desire and made it mean I’m not worthy of notice or praise. This makes me angry and sad. Forty years later, when I buy a new dress to wear to my husband’s work event and also get my hair done and he doesn’t notice, what do I do? If I’m not in touch with my dark side, I likely won’t understand my subverted anger and feelings of unworthiness. So I’ll project the energy of that unmet need onto my husband, making it his fault and getting angry at him for not noticing my efforts. And I’ll add it to my ever-expanding list of ‘Ways That He Fails Me’ which is a non-reality that literally cuts away at the lifeblood of my marriage. Or, if I’m aware of my darkness around how my unmet childhood needs created this habitual patterning, instead of getting angry and blaming him when he doesn’t notice, I may go to him with my hand on my heart and show him my sadness around that. And, if I’m really hip to my needs and his functionality, I might go to him before he even has a chance to notice me and dance around him saying, “Do you like my new dress and hair as much as I do?!” If I’m bringing the fullness of my feminine energy to this dance, he will most definitely shower me with appreciation and praise. And if not, I am wise enough to ask him for it, saying, “I’m really feeling the need to be noticed and praised right now.”

Understanding our darkness begins with the Feminine. At our inception, as our bodies formed inside our mothers, her electromagnetic field imprinted upon our developing field. There is no way this can be avoided. And so whatever our mother was feeling – fear, grief, anger, overwhelm – was hardwired into us. This is the basis of our ‘mother issues’ and we all have them. And then, whatever our mother felt about our father was also hardwired and became the basis of our father issues. In normal human functionality, we either assimilate or reject our parental patterning. Assimilation means despite our best efforts, we wind up sounding and acting exactly like our mothers, which can create feelings of disassociation and self-loathing. And if we reject our mother, we use all our energy to do the opposite, which also creates tension and self-loathing because ultimately we know we are not free to be ourselves. We will marry our fathers or his opposite because of this imprinting. Only when we release ourselves from this habitual wheel of assimilation/rejection can we become liberated to who we truly are, so that we can make choices and design our lives from the creative pulse of desire that flows through us. Only then can we truly deliver what we came here to be.

And so we do our mother work. The good news is we don’t have to go back and understand our mothers! We can work multidimensionally, outside of time and space and literally reprogram our developing selves in utero. We can bathe our electromagnetic field in utero with what is also (eternally) present: Oneness, Absolute Love, Peace, Joy, Clarity, Purpose. We can tap into all the good that also flows through our ancestral line, through all of human consciousness. We can enliven the part of our field wherein we remember who we are and why we came.

There are various ways of doing this - find someone in your area who facilitates this kind of work. I do - and it can be done remotely over the phone. And if you're in the Los Angeles area, come to my monthly Women's Circle where we regularly dive deep into our darkest natures as well as amplify our brightest selves.

As the world spins faster and crazier, it is imperative that we become the calm at the eye of the storm. We must have the wherewithal to hold a high frequency within our fields, no matter what. We can never fix or heal others; we heal ourselves and our wholeness becomes a lighthouse for others to find theirs, so that we all can live from our highest selves. Doesn't that sound like heaven?

(If you would like more information or a referral to a facilitator, I can be reached at jaclyng@gelbgroup.com)

BLAH BLAH ECLIPSE BLAH BLAH

I know. It's all about the eclipses. Even if you don't know what I'm talking about right now, trust me - your life has been all about the eclipses. So every single year two lunar and two solar eclipses happen and some years there is an extra one, giving us five total. Simply put, eclipses are cosmic alignments wherein the earth casts a shadow on the moon or the moon casts a shadow on the sun. They are also portals, potent windows of vastly increased energy wherein we can achieve some major energetic shifting. Every eclipse is 'governed' by the geometries made by the movements of celestial bodies during the portal, which runs roughly from a full moon lunar eclipse (August 4th) to a new moon solar eclipse (August 21st). We don't often get total eclipses of the sun as we have this month, an event that further heightens the already gigantic energies.

I have been looking at the implications of these eclipses all year as they tend to be auspicious periods of rapid spiritual growth for me. I ride the cosmic energies like a surfer, squeezing every bit of  opening, releasing, and transformation I can out of it. I go way in. The energies this year are so vast, so profound and multi-layered that I have been sitting (and sitting) with how to condense it all into this little ole newsletter for ya'll. How can I present it with any sense of manageability, without your eyeballs rolling back into your head two minutes in? And the answer has been I can't, which is why this didn't present itself weeks ago. I even considered leaving you to your own devices by sending a newsletter that simply said "I'm in too deep to speak, Google 'Eclipses August 2017'. Good luck, see you on the other side." Seriously. 

But then in my own practice, while doing a yoga class with Guru Jagat, she layed down the single most beautiful teaching about the eclipses, one that was so simple and elegant that I immediately determined to share it with you. Banished were thoughts of Jupiter and Uranus, and fire, fire, fire, and Vesta and the Divine Feminine and power dynamics and Mercury and air, and words and more words. It all suddenly became so simple and obvious. Here in a nutshell, here is what she said: 

This total eclipse of the sun happening on August 21st - really the jewel of the season - is about change at a cellular level. It is considered a 'Particle Convergence', linked to the Harmonic Convergence that occurred during the summer eclipse season of 1987. A new stream of thought (that would change the course of history) was layed down by the awakened ones on the planet at that time and this eclipse is the second movement of that thought stream. What it means to you and me is we have the opportunity to change our lives drastically by simply allowing our negative, destructive patterns and selves (from lifetimes and lineages) to fall away and not exist within us anymore, just GONE. And we don't have to do anything for this to happen except to conduct ourselves positively. During this heightened energetic time, it's imperative that we think and act constructively towards ourselves, holding only our strengths and amplifying them again and again. Be friendly to yourself, continually looking out for your highest and best interests, the best use of your time, the best treatment of your body, mind and soul. Be your own soul-mate, develop a deep and loving stream of communication with yourself, do your best by you. Always. With every choice, every breath. Protect your mind from negativity, whatever that is for you. Maybe that means turning away from media and towards whatever brings you peace. Align yourself with a different, positive Reality.

And here is the really really good part: Reality is whatever gives you energy. Non-reality is whatever drains energy from you. And you have a choice in every moment, as the 10,000 thoughts per second run through your mind, you choose which one to focus on. Choose the one that gives you the most energy.

This is brilliant in it's simplicity.

Here's what it looks like in the real world: This morning as I was registering my daughter for 11th grade, I realized she had been put in the wrong Spanish class, despite my weeks of effort in getting her schedule right, the weeks of back and forth with the counselor, who appears to know significantly less about the school's programs than me. Ultimately I hand fed her the schedule and she still 'messed it up'. As I returned to the counseling office yet again, I was in default mode, thinking, "Oh my gawd, why can't this woman just do her job? It feels like I'm out here all alone, trying to figure out this rather complicated program with no help and if I blow it, the stakes are really high." This thought was definitely draining my energy. And then I remembered what Reality is; when I scanned for the thought that would bring me the most energy, it was, "This woman is dealing with hundreds of students, all with differing needs and hundreds of courses, each with their own nuances and that must be a very difficult job. She's probably been working incredibly long hours for weeks, and she simply put the wrong code into the system. It's easily fixable and all is well." My energetic field shifted instantly and profoundly. Because I could feel the truth in that Reality. I've done it multiple times today and it's already becoming a habit. Wow. And, BOOM. 

So more good news, if you're feeling like you're losing your mind and your life has become a shit show because every negative thought you've ever held has come roaring back presenting itself as Truth, you can blame the eclipses! They are bringing up all the stinky muck, whether it's hidden, dealt with, released, whatever, it's baaaaack. And it isn't you; the portal has simply reactivated the energy so that it's 'up' in the field. So you can just turn your head, ignore, and scan for the thought that brings you the most energy.

Leading up to the eclipse, consider doing ceremony or ritual, wherein you give yourself permission/declare your intention to release whatever does not serve your Dharma (that which you came here to do, the Soul's path.) You do not need to get specific because it's very likely you aren't even aware of all you're shedding, so be general about it. Since it's also a New Moon, you can align with that angle of energy by setting intentions for the coming decade, as in GO BIG. For me personally, I'm doing a long yoga practice every day leading up to the 21st, lots of meditation and body work, whatever I can do to keep my mojo high, consistent and stable so that I can ride and use the energy instead of getting leveled by it. During the actual eclipse, it's a good idea to be in water, which could even be a bath before/after. Also, move - dance, twerk, whatever allows energy to move. And of course protect your eyes with eclipse glasses. SUNGLASSES ARE NOT ENOUGH.

Lastly, the shifts that happen within/because the portal will integrate slowly in September, after Mercury's direct retrograde ends on September 5th. It should be a kind and gentle integration and it won't be fully over until Winter Solstice in December. I'm looking forward to seeing us on the other side, all dapper and glowing in our newfound bestie love relationship with ourselves. We can be lighter, more energetic and just, well, happier. A beneficial presence on the planet. Because why the hell else are we here?

REVIEW, RE-DO, RENEW

Summer Blessings my Beloveds!

Well, we’re in full bloom here aren’t we? For some of us, this could mean full-blown frustration, aggravation and confusion, for others, life may be humming along beautifully. While the overarching energy for 2017 points towards new beginnings and action-oriented, fast manifestation cycles, we’ve had two eclipses occur in February within somewhat agitated geometries and many planets in retrograde, which can lend itself toward challenges. As I study the retrogrades of Venus, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune and Pluto, a common theme emerges – one of going back into our past and clearing stuff up. This includes things we haven’t yet allowed ourselves to see or acknowledge, as well as those we have. We are constantly changing and evolving which offers us (hopefully) an ever broadening perspective. Under the influences of these planetary retrogrades, we have the opportunity to go back into events from our past and re-do how we integrated them, what meaning we assigned them, why/how/where we stored them in our emotional bodies. The two upcoming retrogrades of Uranus and Neptune further support this work. So how do we go about this?

For me personally, I’ve been revisiting a timeline I wrote in 2011, as part of the Modern Day Priestess training program. I wrote down whatever memory or association that popped up for every year I’ve been alive. (This was no small undertaking). Some years are blank and others are pretty thick with clues to my psyche. I have also been revisiting old journals, which allows me to discern patterns and offer a fresh perspective on old ‘issues’. Some stuff simply melts away the moment I read about it which is an interesting sensation because it shows me how I store stuff in my energetic field even after I have emotionally resolved it. Apparently, we need to go back and also clear the imprint of it after resolution, like clearing smoke from a room. I have also been tuning in with my lineage in meditation and this is proving very rich. Whole cities of buried treasure revealing. We are so much more than we imagine.

July 1st, fast approaching, is the mid-point of the Gregorian calendar and we can use this energy to pause and decide what the second half of the year can be about. The multi-layered challenges should ease and we’ll have more access to the action-oriented creation patterns this year promised. What are you creating? Is it more of the suffering you’ve always created? Are you ready for something new? Then look back and clear the patterns of suffering you’ve been creating, because you’ve got to see them, hold them, love them, and integrate them before you can release them. And release brings a clarity and space for new creation patterns. If you are struggling to release something, you haven’t completed the pre-work; keep looking at it from as many different angles as you can manage, be like a private investigator and make it your main objective to find out. Once you’ve uncovered as much as you can hold, move on to the work of knowing it about yourself/owning it without judgement and then integrating it. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, reach out to a skilled facilitator who can lead you through it (I am one of those and also know many of those.

Now is the time to do this work, when the wind is at your back.

NOTES FROM NEW ZEALAND: AN ELECTION DIARY

Found this buried in my blog archive. I apparently never pressed "Publish" and in the aftermath was too verklempt (that's Yiddish for 'wrecked') to notice. Wanted to share...

 November 5th. I've only been here for a few days and yet I already have a sense of the heart of these people. Why? Because they present themselves authentically, immediately. Yesterday, to escape howling wind and sidewise rain (a typical Wellington spring day), Geoffrey and I wandered the Te Papa Museum, a colossal building housing national treasures, natural history and art. Our guide gave us an extended introduction in Maori, then translated it as the traditional greeting wherein one tells their name, where they came from, where they are now and where they are going. It's quite a lot of good information to know about oneself and share with everyone one meets. It feels like a very present, heart-centered way of being. Although we only scratched the surface of the Museum collections in a single day, the most profound thing we saw was a Maori marae, or community meeting place. This is a constructed a-frame 'house' that is entirely carved with figures that represent the community's spiritual beliefs and ancestors. There are figures that are guardians of the space and the people, figures that are the embodiment of their shared ancestors, about whom they carry stories from generation to generation. They have a deep and practical relationship with their ancestry and to the land from whence they came. They maintain responsibility to their lineage, and allow it inform their actions today. Can you imagine what would be possible under those circumstances? If every time a group of people met up to make some sort of group decision for the whole, they were literally held, supported and informed by their ancestors? That is a powerful practice! It also creates a sense of togetherness and oneness among the people for they share a common history and future. The first time we saw this type of 'meeting house' was years ago in Yap, Micronesia and while I wasn't thrilled with the notion that the houses were only for men, I was impressed by how knit together the community was. And now of course I realize there is a beautiful precision to how the masculine and feminine operates, and it is good for the men to meet alone. The feminine influences what goes on in those meeting houses through relationships to fathers, brothers, husbands and sons. The dance is always happening...

November 6th. It's amazing how many people I meet want to talk about the election. They are confused about how Donald Trump can be a contender and want me to make them feel better. I assure them that there is no way he can win, that Americans are smarter than that and yet I have my doubts. My time in the American South this summer opened up my (California Dreaming) eyes and I have a sense that we will elect this man who speaks to our basest natures and deepest illusions and fears. I don't really have any place to hold that, so I voraciously pray for Hillary's success. I will accept no other outcome. I am repeatedly torn between being glad I'm here in these days leading up to the election and feeling like I should be there, shoulder to shoulder with my people. I feel somewhat relieved to be out of the intensity and yet I am glued to Facebook and American news outlets, hungry for new polls and projections. I vacillate between feeling nervous and scared and being unbelievably calm, like the eye of a hurricane. Doing lots of Kundalini, lots of presencing practices, breath, prayer. God help us.

November 7th. A sunny day! I went to the Botanical Gardens - a sheer delight. I walked the whole way there (probably five miles), cutting through a network of pedestrian paved pathways that were named just like streets. Also cut through the University which had a very old, cool cemetery. Many sailors from downed ships. The garden itself was huge with lots of places to find oneself alone. I wandered and followed my nose to different areas, each with a completely different energy. Highlights were hiking in a vast vertical forest with moss-lined creeks running through and a small bonsai garden with the most astounding trees. They looked exactly like their full-grown brethren, except they were dwarf size. Had a lovely lunch in the restaurant overlooking the rose garden, eavesdropping on the conversations all around me. No matter where I am in the world, people talk about the exact same things.

November 8th. Raining sideways again. Ventured out and discovered I am entirely weary of being wet. Explored, found a few marginal 'museums', shopped unenthusiastically and went back to the hotel to witter the hours with movies. The election is tomorrow in the states. I am finding it difficult to breathe deeply.

November 9th. Spent the day with my stomach and throat clenched in knots, despite my efforts to relax them. I am literally beside myself. I have a very bad sense that this means complete disaster. Did all I could to distract myself, which is difficult given the near constant dark, blowing rain. I am glued to the computer most of the day, watching early results. Trump leads from the get-go.

Later: Geoffrey came back from work and convinced me to walk to dinner - which was a stellar meal, one of the best we've had here. Everyone at the restaurant was talking about the election. It is amazing to see how influential America is all around the world. When we get back to the hotel, it is inevitable that Trump will win. I cry quietly, tears rushing down my face. Geoffrey has no words of comfort and I resent him for being okay with this outcome. Just then Nikki face-times us and when she sees me, she says with surprise, "Are you CRYING??" Why is it a surprise I would cry about our country electing a man who stands for everything I abhor? He is mean, cruel, dishonest, ignorant and most dangerously, thinks he's right about everything. His heart seems tiny, like his hands. I know with a certainty history will prove his Presidency to be a COMPLETE DISASTER. And yet we have called him in, so there must be some long-term good that will come of it. I hope I get to see it in my lifetime. I am going to bed to cry myself to sleep. Perhaps the world will look different tomorrow.

WHALE MEDICINE

So we went to the whales and it was beyond anything I could have imagined. It was my first time leading 'sacred travel' which simply means going to an energetically powerful place and weaving ceremony, circles, shamanic practices, yoga and the like throughout the experience. Six women said Yes and with Dawn (who planned the whole thing logistically) and myself, we were eight. I had never been to Baja and I could feel it from the air as we landed - a very powerful place. I'm not entirely certain of the history of that land mass and there is a lot of energy there! We visited islands, lagoons, volcanos, ancient caves where ancestors drew their stories on impossibly high rock faces and finally the birthing waters of California Grey Whales. Along the way we breathed, made offerings and prayers, spun sacred geometries with the rising sun. We communed and danced, laughed and cried. We hiked into a vortex to connect with our ancestors and more deeply know our place within the mandala of life. Everywhere we were received with love and respect - from the land, the waters, the beautiful people of Mexico and perhaps most profoundly, the whales.

I was unsure how my nervous system would do, intimately holding a group of women I had never or barely met. In service to the trip (and myself), I did kundalini practice every day in the three months leading up to our departure. Each week I got quieter. And that stayed with me throughout the trip and is with me still. I did not need to fight fear or doubt or worry because it simply wasn't present. I could viscerally feel the trip before we went and it was very, very good; I merely allowed that to be. In the process I kind of disappeared; my personality, a miasma of wanting to be good, seen, recognized and...everything else the ego longs for, receded. I simply became the one who communed with the depths on behalf of the ones on the trip. And the women happily went deep with me, their angels, guides and ancestors celebrating in the unseen. I felt the cosmos itself receive us with gratitude.

When we got to the whales we were already open, dancing in the multi-dimensional spaces, primed. And the whales came up to our boat as promised, offering themselves up to give and receive love. It was surreal. It was so big in its goodness, I was literally pinching myself to stay present to take it all in. It was GIGANTIC ya'll.

Before our last boat trip, I prayed specifically for Mama whale to join us. We had seen plenty of mamas as they brought their babies to us, and I wanted one to stay close the way the babies did. And of course she came and stayed. Her energy was solid and still, a deep hum, so different from the babies. We were all overcome, yelling over and over "Mama! Mama!" And "We love you!!" There was so clearly an open channel between us of giving and receiving and she delivered a depth of Love that is hard to describe. It's with us still, our definition and understanding of Love stretched beyond return.

In the aftermath, Joy. I can feel it more palpably than ever. And Joy does not feel like the opposite of sadness like I imagined; it simply feels boundless and still, a sweet neutrality, over-lit and undergirded with a profound knowing that all is well. And so it is.

(photo credit: Dawn Feuerberg)

DARK GODDESS

I've been sitting with Beyoncé's Grammy performance for days, trying to find my way into language to express the places in me it touched; deep, secret places so powerful I am only just beginning to approach them. I'll begin by saying that for me, Beyoncé's 'Lemonade' film is a masterwork. She is a fierce being of strength and consciousness, who moved so authentically through an archetypal initiation of betrayal by the masculine, that she embodied the fullness of the Goddess herself for all to see. And because it was honest, it contains both the light and darkness of the Feminine Principle, unapologetically. I am literally in awe of her and this work.

As an aside, I believe she was largely passed over for awards for this very reason - this work is simply too real and intense for most. This was perfectly played out for me during the performance; while I was completely agog at what was unfolding on stage, two people I was with - a woman in her seventies and a pre-teen girl - were both expressing their displeasure (and likely deep discomfort) by saying, "Just dance Beyoncé. We like it better when you dance." Meanwhile she's up there laying down primal truth about the Feminine...

"Do you remember your birth? Are you thankful for the hips that cracked and the deep velvet of your mother and her mother.....and her mother?" Everything comes through the feminine; she is the generator and portal through which humans enter time/space in the third dimension. In her cosmic duties as womb, weaver of the golden thread that ties us together, dreamer and keeper of ever new potentialities for human evolution, she is physically beholden to the unseen realms. One eye towards Earth, one eye fixed on Heaven. And Hell. I do not believe in the traditional notions of these; Heaven for me encompasses endless dimensions of pure Love Light, which I know exist because I've been there. Hell is the opposite end of that spectrum, the absence of light, total density. Been there too. And in our creative power here on Earth, we manifest aspects of both in our lives as our lives. The Feminine is perfectly comfortable in both realms. In her highest expression (that we can imagine), she is the Divine Mother, essentially made of that pure Love Light, birthing us, loving us unconditionally, supporting and holding us through anything and everything without judgement. A bottomless heart. In her lowest expression (that we can imagine) she is pissed. She is actually beyond pissed - she is Anger itself, lashing out destructively, with vengeance, with power beyond imagining, burning it all down. We don't like to talk about her that way, I know. And yet.

Black Moon Lilith is a Dark Goddess archetype who represents the feminine shadow. There are many stories about her, one in particular calls her the first woman, pre-Eve. She was so powerful in her creative energy, Adam rejected and banished her. And then he fashioned Eve from his own body, a lesser, controllable energy. "You cut me in half," Beyoncé sings. Lilith embodies our reaction to subjugation - a dense collective burden from lifetimes of rage and despair. When crossed, Lilith fights back - she plots and manipulates, she emasculates, she destroys. In her album 'Lemonade', Beyoncé descends into this Hell, she dances with the Dark Goddess, she accepts both her own and her husband's dark side. She says, "Ok, I got it, life's messy and sticky and sometimes very fucked up." (I'm paraphrasing here.) And then the question becomes "Can I still love?" From the expanded place of holding the whole truth of herself and her beloved, the answer is Yes, which allows her to rise in Love, to embody the Divine Feminine, which can hold everything. A woman's heart is a bottomless ocean. (I think that's from Titanic.) And it's true.

And so we have this beautiful archetypal dance of light and shadow that we are engaged in, every day. How is it going? Are you friends with your darkest places? Do you lash out in anger? Do you seek revenge on the masculine? Do you emasculate? Do you allow yourself to sink to the depths to feel it all? And afterwards with eyes wide open, do you still choose love? Life can expand us this way, particularly the feminine, for this is an essential component of our Earth journey. And when we rise in love, we uplift all women, and create the possibility to collectively come whole to our men, allowing the masculine and feminine to join together in absolute balance. And from that place, as Beyoncé sings it, "You and me could move mountains."

Getting High On Our Own Supply

New Year Greetings and Blessings Beloveds!

 The weather here in Southern California is perfectly aligned with yesterday’s watery Full Moon in Cancer, a sort of dreamy, slow, inwardly facing moon – a perfect time to curl up with a cup of tea by the fire while the rain falls outside. I am fully engaged with Winter energy, taking to my bed right after dinner, reading, studying, writing from under the covers. It feels deeply nourishing and exactly what my system is calling for.

 Most humans had a challenging 2016. The Pluto-Uranus engagement of the past few years has left us bereft of our illusions, ways of hiding and habitual ways of dealing. We have been called to find new ways of seeing, being and living. Last year Saturn was sitting directly on top of most everyone’s head, telling us it was time to create a daily engagement with Spirit, whether through Yoga, Meditation, Breath, Study, etc. If you were obedient to Saturn’s demands, this year should find you functioning rather differently than you have in the past. If you have been resisting Saturn’s dictate for consistency in your practice, you will receive more of the same this year, except it will be even more uncomfortable to ignore what must be done. And what must be done? We must bring our A-Game. Why? Because we have been stripped bare, there is nowhere left to hide (except extreme addiction and the like.) Our only good option is to face the hard truths of our collective and individual shadow. We can no longer avoid the parts of ourselves (and others) that we don’t like. We cannot simply look away, back away, ignore; we must find a way to see, understand and even love what before we could not even acknowledge existed.

 On a personal level, this is a call for an engagement with radical self-love, self-understanding, self-forgiveness. Something I have found really helpful with this is the investigation of the archetypal self - our planetary base-line strengths, super-powers and proclivities along with our innate challenges and weak points. These can be quite easily revealed through an astrological chart reading, a numerology report and the like. These are easy, no-brainer tools that help us see and accept a wider picture of ourselves. When I had my numerology chart done, a whole new layer of “Oh, that’s why I have a tendency to do that” was revealed. It helps alleviate any self-loathing, blame or shame we have around our weaknesses; instead they become challenges we are tasked with overcoming in this lifetime, rather than self-fulfilling prophesies of doom that makes us feel shitty about ourselves. And by rising up and overcoming our pre-prescribed challenges, we are overcoming karma, fulfilling dharma and just generally leading a happier life. Another tool to developing self-love and acceptance is to consistently remind ourselves what we also are, the broader truth of us. We are unique and individualized radiations of Divine Energy; we are not separate from God, we are wholly One with It, we are LITERALLY made of It. This is a truth we must remind ourselves of again and again and again. It is imperative that we have some sort of practice wherein we feel this truth in our bodies and throughout our radiant fields regularly. I find this in kundalini yoga practice. I literally shower myself daily with the blessing of this knowing; I ‘get high on my own supply’ (-Guru Jagat). And my own supply is really, really good stuff.       

 On a collective level, we are also called to find new ways of seeing, being and living. An oppositional, Us versus Them mentality does not work. It gets us nowhere. (Or rather it gets us here, with our current Presidential Situation.) Time to know that our way is not the only way, that those ‘across the aisle’ also have hopes and dreams for humanity, although they have differing views on how to achieve them. At an energetic, heart and spirit-based level, we are all on the same team. Time to listen to those who think differently from us, with the goal of hearing and understanding, not convincing or proving anyone wrong or right. Time to throw all viewpoints into the center and see what holds water, what is in alignment with everyone’s needs and goals, what allows us to unite in common purpose. Time to keep our eyes and ears wide open, ALL THE TIME, for as awakened ones, we are the Guardians of Goodness and Right Relationship. We have been shown that our collective shadow harbors a lot of fear and separation and outright meanness. We get to be lighthouses of Goodness and Right Action, in order to counterbalance what is being held up as acceptable in our world right now. We will not do this by making anyone wrong; we will simply BE what is right. So live loudly in Kindness, Gentleness, Inclusion, Helpfulness, Tolerance, Peace. Make it so that your very presence makes others feel better. This is how we can each be in service to the world this year.

 Speaking of 2017, the energies of this year are varied, however two things stand out. The first and more gentler experience is a Venus Retrograde that happens from March 4^th – April 15^th. Venus changes signs during the Retrograde which means we are in for a double-edged lesson; one will feel lovely and the other will feel the opposite of lovely. Venus’s lesson is all about knowing how to give and receive Love so it will involve all of our relationships. Do what you can to dive deeply into opening your heart and allowing Love to teach you how to live from there. The second and deeper theme is a recurring Saturn-Uranus Trine, which indicates a cooperative and profound interaction between these two planets. They already had their first meet-up in December and will have two more encounters this year. This means we should be ready for anything, for anything can happen and probably will. The changes that come will be significant, structural shifts that will demand we evolve to incorporate them. (Uranus brings the lightening strike and Saturn says "You better shift yourself to deal with this.") This will be easier for some than others, depending on how these two planets interact with your birth chart. Here is a very brief and simplified overview of how each sign will be affected, courtesy of Dr. Michael Lennox (I paraphrased). Be sure to pay attention to both your sun and rising sign for you are influenced by both.

Aries: will have a wonderful experience of these energies – shifts and changes will be abundant, profound and easy - and will likely feel really good. (YAAAAAY ME).

Taurus: will feel this happening around them but not deeply in their own atmosphere. They will be forced to make choices to adapt yet those choices will not be around profound shifts and changes.

Gemini: will be in Opposition to the Trine, which means it will be hard work, yet will be harmonious and profound in a good way. Lots of inspiration and creativity with regards to structure and lessons.

Cancer: will have a challenging experience with this – goals will need to shift, major changes occur.

Leo: Fire, inspiration, passion, all good. (YAAAAAY ME AGAIN!!!!)

Virgo: will not have an easy time of it as things will happen suddenly, bluntly and will force new paths.

Libra: will have sudden, confrontational shifts - that are easily navigated.

Scorpio: will have drama, but not trauma.

Sagittarius: will use the Uranus energy well, but will get nailed by Saturn (lessons, structure).

Capricorn: will experience this as a Square, which is agitated energy that leads to good results.

Aquarius: will experience this as a Sextile, which is a productive, creative energy, leading to positive changes that feel good.

Pisces: will experience challenges but in a slow steady way. A good year to ‘chop wood, carry water’.  

Please realize that this is not ‘bad’ news for anyone. If you are one of this signs that will be harder hit this year, it simply means that you are being called to be more excellent than you’ve been previously. It doesn’t mean that you will be flattened; it means you will be charged with STANDING UP, TAKING AHOLD OF YOURSELF, DOING YOUR WORK WITH DILLIGENCE AND EXCELLENCE AND ROCKING THE SHIT OUT OF THIS OPPORUTNITY TO BE MORE. It’s like skiing, when you’re just gliding along on good snow and all is well in the world and then suddenly you hit a heinous patch of ice – and you are forced to hunker down, power up and really dig in those edges. You are a better skier for these moments, able to handle the worst of conditions. So be grateful you called in these challenges so that you could get better at winning life.

And speaking of winning life and Guru Jagat, her book “Invincible Living” just dropped and it is TREMENDOUS. Simple, clean, accessible and brilliant. I highly recommend it:   

https://www.amazon.com/Invincible-Living-Energy-Breath-Radiant/dp/0062414984

Be good, do your best, stay awake out there.

All Love.